Hi all
I'm hoping for some advice about my fiance and money.
We've been together nearly 3 years and for the majority of that time he's been out of work (for one reason or another).
When we met he was working part time for a friend and after deciding to move in together he got a job in a food outlet... badly paid and long hours. After 5 weeks he lost his job and that's when our problems started. He said he just couldn't fine work anywhere, this was at the beginning of the econimic downturn in late 2008, I was very understanding and paid what I could for us on my very low wage from a call centre job. After 2/3 months we had a huge fall out as he was unable to pay his half of the rent. He'd promised he'd ask his mum for a loan and never did. I'd offered to get him a job at my office but he refused point blank to work in a call centre again (he'd worked in one before) as it was a soul destroying job! We ended up falling behind on our rent and other bills plus I had my own debts that I was trying to pay off.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though I was disgusted at his attitude.... I would clean toilets or work ANYWHERE if it meant keeping a roof over my head and food on the table!
We decided to try moving to another city to start again (his suggestion although I was more than happy to move) He went ahead to find a job, home etc... and stayed with a friend for 3 months. During this time I stayed behind living with my sister, I put money in his bank every month, paid for our furniture storage and even ended up being the one to pay for our move, van hire etc...
He got himself a job and things were ok for a while. I got myself a job in a call centre again but hated it. 10 months later I fell into a tough patch and asked him to cover my rent for 1 month which he did... Things have always been tight as we're both on low incomes. It ended up taking me 8 months to pay him back and he started to make my life really difficult about it... reminding me I owed him etc... He eventually frog marched me to a cash point and demanded it back which meant that a load of my direct debits bounced and caused me huge amount of bank charges. 1 year ago I decided I'd had enough of call centre work and left, I temped while I was looking for something more permanant but there was a period of 1 week where I had nothing and he was really nasty about it, telling me to get a job, stop being lazy....
In Jan of this year he just quit and took to his bed for 5 weeks.... As it turns out he was very sick and got rushed to hospital with what turned out to be type 1 diabetes.
Here is where the problem REALLY starts
The doctors said he needed 6 months recuperation so he signed onto ESA which is like a short term sickness leave. The council approved housing benefit and council tax but said due to him not paying enough contributions over the last few years he wan't entitled to anything else. His parents were great and paid off a load of his/our debts from where we'd fallen behind on bills... they also give him money each month and hhave even done big food shops for us at times.
He decided to re-train and start a college course leading to a 7 year architecture degree but assumed he'd be able to sign on the dole as well. He wasn't allowed to. Now I'm totally behind him going back to school for a better future for us but he's forgotten about the present! I've been paying all our household bills for months now and I'm getting totally sick of never having any money for myself. I can't buy clothes, go out with friends, even a haircut is a luxury!
We fell out massively last month (to the point of almost splitting up) and he promised to find work. He did 3 days temping, earned just enough to pay his half of bills and said his feet were hurting too much (diabetic neuropathy).
Please don't hink I'm being heartless, I WISH I could take away his sickness but it feels like he now has a valid reason not to work. The docs have said he's fine to go back to work even though he suffers from alot of diabetic related problems, very painful feet, high/low bloods etc but I can't help but feel he could still do a bit more... he's not an invalid who needs 24hr care.
The actual reason I'm writing here today is last week I messed up badly with my budget and was £20 short for the rent, asked him to pay and he went nuts! Saying I'd broken a promise about messing up with the rent (We have both messed up with the rent previously) and said tough **** I need to sort it myself.
Now, I know I messed up this time but my reaction was "You selfish git! The amount I've done and continue to do for you and the 1st time in months I've needed your help you say that!"
He's focusing on the facty I broke a promise and I'm angry about the fact I feel he takes me for granted and is making a fool outof me.
Am I being too hard? I'm just about ready to pack up and leave, my family thinks he takes the out of me, I feel used and taken for granted but he just says "I'm sick, I can't work a full time job, I'm studying for our future"
I know no-one can tell me what to do but any advice or opinions would be much appreciated!
Thanks in advance! x
I'm hoping for some advice about my fiance and money.
We've been together nearly 3 years and for the majority of that time he's been out of work (for one reason or another).
When we met he was working part time for a friend and after deciding to move in together he got a job in a food outlet... badly paid and long hours. After 5 weeks he lost his job and that's when our problems started. He said he just couldn't fine work anywhere, this was at the beginning of the econimic downturn in late 2008, I was very understanding and paid what I could for us on my very low wage from a call centre job. After 2/3 months we had a huge fall out as he was unable to pay his half of the rent. He'd promised he'd ask his mum for a loan and never did. I'd offered to get him a job at my office but he refused point blank to work in a call centre again (he'd worked in one before) as it was a soul destroying job! We ended up falling behind on our rent and other bills plus I had my own debts that I was trying to pay off.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though I was disgusted at his attitude.... I would clean toilets or work ANYWHERE if it meant keeping a roof over my head and food on the table!
We decided to try moving to another city to start again (his suggestion although I was more than happy to move) He went ahead to find a job, home etc... and stayed with a friend for 3 months. During this time I stayed behind living with my sister, I put money in his bank every month, paid for our furniture storage and even ended up being the one to pay for our move, van hire etc...
He got himself a job and things were ok for a while. I got myself a job in a call centre again but hated it. 10 months later I fell into a tough patch and asked him to cover my rent for 1 month which he did... Things have always been tight as we're both on low incomes. It ended up taking me 8 months to pay him back and he started to make my life really difficult about it... reminding me I owed him etc... He eventually frog marched me to a cash point and demanded it back which meant that a load of my direct debits bounced and caused me huge amount of bank charges. 1 year ago I decided I'd had enough of call centre work and left, I temped while I was looking for something more permanant but there was a period of 1 week where I had nothing and he was really nasty about it, telling me to get a job, stop being lazy....
In Jan of this year he just quit and took to his bed for 5 weeks.... As it turns out he was very sick and got rushed to hospital with what turned out to be type 1 diabetes.
Here is where the problem REALLY starts
The doctors said he needed 6 months recuperation so he signed onto ESA which is like a short term sickness leave. The council approved housing benefit and council tax but said due to him not paying enough contributions over the last few years he wan't entitled to anything else. His parents were great and paid off a load of his/our debts from where we'd fallen behind on bills... they also give him money each month and hhave even done big food shops for us at times.
He decided to re-train and start a college course leading to a 7 year architecture degree but assumed he'd be able to sign on the dole as well. He wasn't allowed to. Now I'm totally behind him going back to school for a better future for us but he's forgotten about the present! I've been paying all our household bills for months now and I'm getting totally sick of never having any money for myself. I can't buy clothes, go out with friends, even a haircut is a luxury!
We fell out massively last month (to the point of almost splitting up) and he promised to find work. He did 3 days temping, earned just enough to pay his half of bills and said his feet were hurting too much (diabetic neuropathy).
Please don't hink I'm being heartless, I WISH I could take away his sickness but it feels like he now has a valid reason not to work. The docs have said he's fine to go back to work even though he suffers from alot of diabetic related problems, very painful feet, high/low bloods etc but I can't help but feel he could still do a bit more... he's not an invalid who needs 24hr care.
The actual reason I'm writing here today is last week I messed up badly with my budget and was £20 short for the rent, asked him to pay and he went nuts! Saying I'd broken a promise about messing up with the rent (We have both messed up with the rent previously) and said tough **** I need to sort it myself.
Now, I know I messed up this time but my reaction was "You selfish git! The amount I've done and continue to do for you and the 1st time in months I've needed your help you say that!"
He's focusing on the facty I broke a promise and I'm angry about the fact I feel he takes me for granted and is making a fool outof me.
Am I being too hard? I'm just about ready to pack up and leave, my family thinks he takes the out of me, I feel used and taken for granted but he just says "I'm sick, I can't work a full time job, I'm studying for our future"
I know no-one can tell me what to do but any advice or opinions would be much appreciated!
Thanks in advance! x
) If he had no roof, no food, no clean clothes and noone was chipping in to help him............how long do you think he'd continue on jobless? Probably not long. 
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