[ashy09]

Letting your m8 always get their way under the guise of 'compromise' is not for me, nope, sorry. All too often women complain because the guy they 'get' is different than the guy they started with. Thats because the guy 'compromised' (i.e. LIED) about who they are and can't keep it up. They 'compromised' because that is what we think you want. This causes many problems, America's divorce rate is more than 50%.

So, demand he not flirt with these women. Don't let him go out with these women. Tell him if he chooses to do this, you will leave him because he is not caring about you and your feelings and this is the same as disrespecting you. And no women should live with a man who is disrespecting her.

So, he chooses to do as you ask, because he loves you. Now in 10years, he is flirting with women again and you can't figure out where it went wrong.
NOTHING went wrong, it is who he is. He 'altered' how he acted, but you can't really CHANGE who you are.

Though what your saying is very true! I find it impossible or even maybe weird to find a guy who would not lightly flirt with another female. He knows its not going to go anywhere but its just an act of kindness. There is no harm in a little compliment that way as its very human. Men aspecially in the past were know for planting their seed. They can go find a new partner every day and with this nature was secured in the humans producing. If he just stayed with one women in them days and the woman wasnt successful in producing. The species would quickly die out. There will even be times where im nice to other males, doesnt necessarily mean i want to sleep with them but I just want to show them that i am grateful for the sweet thing they have said or the polite gesture they have given. If i wasnt slightly attractive then i would receive none of that and that would make me question where i stand in the world outside a relationship. As yeah a relationship is nice but you cant live life like thats the only thing in the world. Your in the world and have to deal with life around you outside the relationship also.

So to be VERY strict on them not flirting at all is almost laughable. As its something that helps in our confidence as a human being and reassures us with the rest of the world. We already know that we mean something to our partners, but whats just meaning something to 1 person in comparison with the other people in the world? The world would end up look against you, if you dont cooperate with the world.

[stressed]

As long as he won't flirt in front of her or on public message boards. That would be rude, disrespectful and humiliating to say the least. There's ridiculous flirting and there's tactful and innocent flirting that doesn't hurt your partner. It's not worth hurting your parter for the sake of 'being social'.

[KMonte85]

ashy, it sounds like you really do have a great guy. The long distance is difficult, for sure - it isn't easy keeping a relationship happy and healthy when you can't be together as often as you like.

It seems when he spend some time giving you attention, whether on your online chat, or phone, or when you do see each other, then you are okay. But as soon as you feel a bit neglected, the negative thoughts creep in and you get insecure. Perhaps he can work on spending some more time talking with you, like increasing the chat times, etc, or give up a day out with friends so you two can spend time together alone when you're in each others presence. And perhaps you can try to work on occupying your mind so you don't get jealous and insecure when he really is too busy to give you the attention you want, or if he goes out with friends when you aren't there. Go out with your own friends, for example, so you're not sitting at the uni driving yourself crazy with worry.

[Casey715]

its something that helps in our confidence as a human being and reassures us with the rest of the world. We already know that we mean something to our partners

Sounds like you answered your own question ashy09. Every now and then we need to talk a step back and look at the whole picture. Try to change/compromise/alter yourself before going after someone else. Ask the question we don't want to.......could it be me.

[whit4488]

honey you sound a little insecure and the sort of thoughts and feelings your having have a lot to do with your maturity. are you sure your ready for marriage? re-think what you want from a lifetime companion?? and think of the type of companion you would like to be to your partner...it sounds to me like you have a lot of maturing to do.

[ashy09]

honey you sound a little insecure and the sort of thoughts and feelings your having have a lot to do with your maturity. are you sure your ready for marriage? re-think what you want from a lifetime companion?? and think of the type of companion you would like to be to your partner...it sounds to me like you have a lot of maturing to do.

If im not even slightly mature, the majority of the world is ******. As I at least learn and grow up from things. Like I'll have my moments like this, because I havent had much experience in relationships as my fiance is my first boyfriend. So with relationships I have alot to learn. Just dont stick me under the catagory of 'young, silly and immature' and doesnt have a clue what I want on life. There are tough times in relationships all the time - married or not - you have to accept the bad times along with the good. A perfect relationship is one that stays together despite the negatives.

Many people wouldnt even be willing to compromise over a problem if it wasnt going their way. Long distance is hard, and a slight difference in where to hang out at the weekend doesnt mean I have agreed to be with the wrong partner. Im a young girl who is making the most of going out to clubs to dance to music. (Something my fiance doesnt feel he needs to do, he much prefers going to the pub where he doesnt have to pay to get into places, spend more money on pricer drinks, and take sh** from some random drunk, high testosterone, angry male. He doesnt miss out on the dancing as I do. As its more my thing. He prefers the good crack he would get in a pub, whereas I would prefer to get lost in the loud music. I find talking to people more difficult... going clubbing avoids this. Whereas a pub you cant get away with it as easy and you end up just sitting there quietly.

So give me more respect there.

[Casey715]

Now now ashy09, you came asking for advice. We are giving what we thing will help. No ones advice is always spot on. Sometimes you have to take it with an open heart/mind. You started by saying you were jealous and upset at what was going on. Now you are defending everything you said. It show real loyalty to your man. Good for you. Just remember, we sometimes just need to vent. This may be what you were doing. Relationship = growing together.