[shanny1065]

Hi All. I really need some good advice. I am in a huge dilemma, and would really like to hear what you all think.

I have been married for 10 wonderful years, and together we have three children, and just adopted our 4th. When we met my husband was an alcoholic, and I stood by him while he went into recovery. He Has been sober for over 9 years now, and he is currently a youth pastor at our church.

I started getting suspicious a month ago when he started managing a restaurant that has a bar inside. But it was not until this last weekend until I found out the truth. My husband has been lieing to me left and right and has been drinking. He told me the restaurant closes at 11 pm, when it really closes at 9 pm and he stays and drinks. He drinks vodka, so I cant smell it. He has been driving drunk with the kids in the car and been drinking while on the job. This last Friday he did not get home until 3 am. To make a long story short, he was at a bar, drinking and dancing. He admitted that he was dirty dancing with several women. I happened to know the owner of the bar, and he allowed me to watch the surveillance tape from when my husband was there. Holy cow! My husband was grinding women into his erect penis in the dance floor!!! Kissing their necks, and his hands were up the back of one girls shorts.

I have never felt so betrayed in my life. He swears if he had been sober, he would have never does this. When your dirty dancing like that, you might as well be having sex, and I consider it all cheating and being unfaithful. He has admitted he is powerless over alcohol,quit his job, and is in AA.

My question is this... Do I leave or stay? Biblically I feel i should stay. I cannot trust him and i question his every move. One minute I am fine and the next he makes me want to puke. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks so much, and God bless.

Shan

[little-lessons]

Having honesty and trust in a relationship is very important. His actions has made you question those key things and that's not good.

You need to give him a choice. What are his choices? Do you want him to quit? And what happens if he doesn't - would you ask him to leave?

How can you start trusting him again? What could he do? Would him quitting be enough? Or are you going to spend the rest of your life wondering?

Also being a youth pastor, how does that reflect on him? What happens if stories about the bar come out in public?

I know I have just created more questions for you in this stressful time but I think they are questions you need to work out in your own head first before talking to him.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Don't let the bible decide whether you stay or not, decide what's best for you and your children and act on it. Religious marriages fail all the time, it doesn't mean everyone goes to hell.

[Jade34]

honestly once doubt is planted in a relationship it slowly festers.... same with the trust factor... l would be sooooo rich if l was given 10 bucks each time l ve heard the words... if l wasn t drunk or hadn t been drinking l wouldn t have done it.... thats such a cop out... we all have a mind know whats right and whats wrong... having said that... no body has the right to judge your husband... simply because none of us actually know the man... my heart goes out to you... you obviously love the man.. just ask yourself can you seriously continue to live with him and not worry and wonder each time he steps out the door...put yourself first... the best mum is a happy mum..the best person is someone happy within themselves... best of luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

honestly once doubt is planted in a relationship it slowly festers.... same with the trust factor... l would be sooooo rich if l was given 10 bucks each time l ve heard the words... if l wasn t drunk or hadn t been drinking l wouldn t have done it.... thats such a cop out... we all have a mind know whats right and whats wrong... having said that... no body has the right to judge your husband... simply because none of us actually know the man... my heart goes out to you... you obviously love the man.. just ask yourself can you seriously continue to live with him and not worry and wonder each time he steps out the door...put yourself first... the best mum is a happy mum..the best person is someone happy within themselves... best of luck

I think Jade34 gave good advice there as did others. It is your choice and no one knows but you, if this is just a set back, as you i think were saying it happened 9 years ago, then things were okay and just recently re-surfaced and now his in AA.

Of course you feel hurt and betrayed watching the Video and frankly shame on the man that showed it to you. It is now a visual thing that you can see clearly in your mind, as apposed to a thought in your mind. I wonder truthfully of this persons real intentions for showing you that.

The main thing is to ensure that he does not drive your children if you are concerned that he may still be drinking whilst you work through this.

Best of wishes.

CW