[wondering1976]

Okay... I'm new to this site, I wanted to get other people's opinion on a situation that has happened to me... So here it goes:

At the time, my husband and I had been married for alittle over 10 years. My husband was working a 3rd shift job at the time, I worked a day/second shift job. I've always kinda been the jealous type, but not as bad as some that I've seen...

On Sept 11th 2006, my cousin (who I had always been kinda close too) had called and asked me if my husband could come and fix her car, because her husband couldn't leave work at the time and for some reason she was needing it fixed soon. At this point I had NEVER had any reason to not trust them together. Her husband ended up getting to leave alittle earlier than expected and came home and helped finish up on the car, after that day I never really noticed any BIG difference in his behavior or anything, but like I said, he worked 3rds and I worked days/seconds, so some days we didn't get to spend much time together.

I noticed on Oct 13th, 2006 (about a months difference) on our cell phone bill that there was alot of calls going to my cousin's house and from her house, mainly in the mornings on his way home from work. I confronted him later about it and first he tried to lie about it until I told him that I could tell him EVERY call to and from each other, what time it was and how long they was on the phone together!

So then he admitted it and said that they had been talking "some" and that I would just over react about it.

He said he just wanted someone to talk to because at the time we wasn't getting along the best in the world, but things were okay. We talked things over and I said that I would forgive him IF talking was all that they done. I still had this gut feeling that something more had happened, so of course I would bring it up every now and then...

He finally admitted that they did talk about having sex and what it would be like, so after some more "nagging" as he calls it, he admitted that they were going to meet up sometime and see where things went, but that they didn't...

Of course I found out later that they did meet up and that it was at her house while her husband was at work, her daughter was at school and I was also at work and our boys at school.

Anywho, he says that they didn't do anything, that it was the "plan" but after they got kissing around and him playing with the chest area, that he saw her stomach and that grossed him out enough that he couldn't do it and left.

She had a C-section with her daughter and I guess thats what he was talking about. And of course he says that he loved me so much that when it finally came down to it, that he couldn't do it...

Thats all I have ever found out about it and from him. I have confronted my cousin and of course she denies the whole thing... I honestly deep down know that he did sleep with her, whether he will admitt to it or not.

I honestly could completely forgive him for it too, or I believe I can, but for some reason I just want him to admit to it instead of saying that he loved me and couldn't do it...

If he "loved" me the way he says he does, he wouldn't have even went there to begin with!

I know I have pretty much wrote a chapter here (lol), but I wanted you all to know the whole story and details that I know. And it's not like he's came to me and just came out and told me any of this stuff, I have found it out or drug it out of him... there is a difference in the two, or I think so! My question is: Should I just drop in all and go on with our lives, because theres not been anything else to come up for me to think he's doing anything or been doing anything and that was in 2006... It's just hard for me to let it go... I feel that if I can forgive him, then he can "man" up and be honest with me about it all...

AM I CRAZY, OVER REACTING... SHOULD I LET IT GO... PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED BECAUSE I CAN'T TALK TO ANY OF MY FAMILY ABOUT IT... Thank you for your time.

[Guest]

Are you crazy? Probably not. Sometimes it's hard for people to let go of things.

Over Reacting? Perhaps. It's been at least four years since anything happened.

Should you let it go? Yes, long ago.... You and your husband have talked about it, nothing has happened since, and it's been four years.

[oxy-moron]

You will never know for sure. You just have to assume the worse happened- allow for it and move on. If you fester over it it will sour the rest of your life.
I have noticed a lot of people who mention that their cheating or unloving spouse/partner is working multiple jobs or has too many things on the boil.
Possibly it is the lack of partner time that caused the weakness in the first place. Put your mental effort into rebuilding now. Increase your physical intimacy- go on a massage course and make him your massage training partner.

[whit4488]

unfortunately if this matter is still ratteling your brain. the trust was broken and though you wish it was different its really really difficult to get that trust back and in most cases it never happens and the marriage ends up failing. in my opinion if there isnt trust and communication then what do you really have that is substantial to survive the ups and downs of life together...he was unfaithful and will have that tendancy to always be unfaithful. if it were me, he would had been history a long time ago. women try to make up too many excuses to keep the same man around. hes not the right lifelong partner/companion you wished you had. so let him go and find the one who is right for you

[Amirra]

that it was the "plan" but after they got kissing around and him playing with the chest area, that he saw her stomach and that grossed him out enough that he couldn't do it and left.

he says that he loved me so much that when it finally came down to it, that he couldn't do it...

Sounds to me like he's just contradicted himself there. If he wasn't turned off by her stomach (I'd like to see him have a c-section and see how his stomach looks...), then can you really believe that he would have stopped out of love for you? That's the question you have to ask yourself. From an outsider point of view, the fact that they MADE a plan to have sex, and fooled around a little should give you your answer. Another question to ask yourself is, will you ever trust him again after this? If the answer is 'no', or even 'I don't know'...it's time to move on.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

wondering,

There's a pattern on your behalf here, you recall exact dates, ie) September 11th, 2006.

Then you check phone records and mentally probably can also therefore, add another date into your mind, October 13th, 2006.

And, it's February, 2011 so this occured, 5 years ago, and your asking now, whether or not you should let it go?

Honey, 5 years this must have manifested big time, it's still vivid in your mind...

The bottom line is within those 5 years, the story remains in a book, as we've read, with no ending... Imagine reading a book that your ingrossed in that has no ending, ..

Whether he did or didn't sleep with her, he has made mention that there was something totally missing in his life, therefore, the devil got the better of him so to speak...

What ever that was that was missing, may still be missing so the real issue here is to talk together and find out what that is and mend it, so you two can continue being a "happy married couple"...instead of one where it's not happy, there's no trust, you check things, dates, record mentally or on paper, to the point where it becomes an obsession always watching, always checking, it's not healthy or good for you.

If you two aren't laughing, holding hands, loving, then work on that because then you can have the ending to that book, and closure and move forward, instead of living in your past...Because 5 years of all of this mental thoughts, means it has to be affecting your marriage in it's present...

CW