[deep_fear]

you are all right...i was just so angry and did not no what to do...I apoligized to him last night and told him how i felt..I told him i was sorry for jumping down his throut about it...I told him i just want to understand why he is doing it..i asked him if there was somthing I could do, or something i was not doing in bed that he wants me to do..i also asked him if he would watch porn to get new ideas or what not in the bed room..i told him i dont mind him watching it as long as it dont effect our sex life.....I really did try not to judge ( i told him that)..but he got mad and said im acuseing him...i said no but he still denies it.... and last night we were going to have sex and the minute i tryed ( sorry for being so graphic) to put "it" in he stopped and said "no".....( we usually do it with the pull out method..i no its not so great but thats not the point) and we dont do it 2 times if he cam once so we dont risk to much....anyway he said no and itmessed up the moment....so ya we did not have sex b/c we ended up both getting turned off...

[stressed]

Does he not use condoms because he loses his erection with them? That's another sign of a man who masturbates too much.

[KelseyLiane]

I used to have the same problem. Right around the time my boyfriend and I started living together, I would get onto his computer while he was at work and look at the history. Sure enough, I would find PORN. haha I used to get so upset, and start crazy arguments that would only end up with pointless ultimatums, and insulting eachother. Most of the time the only reason women are objective to porn is because they are jealous, and insecure. Atleast, that's the way I felt. So finally one day I sat down with my boyfriend, and talked to him tactfully about the way I was feeling. He told me that he started to masterbating when he was 11 years old to a playboy he found in his uncle's bedroom...From there on out porn became more and more available. It's very normal, and natural for a man to pleasure himself to porn. Don't look at it that he's not happy with you, just be happy he's not out there having sex with someone else. I mean it sucks for women that porn is so available all the time. It's basically like ordering food through a drive thru...You put what you like and BOOM its there. If it bothers you so much and he keeps on doing it, then maybe you need to get out of the relationship. But, I once felt like you too...and have learned that nobody is perfect and even though porn is an uncomfortable subject. It's not going anywhere.

[WildChild]

Kelsey, there is a big difference between the occasional use of porn when you have a good and active sex life and an apparently increasingly common situation of a man who uses porn daily, maybe several times a day and turns down sex the woman in his life. This is often accompanied by the rare instances of sex being more or less using the woman's body like a masturbation tool.

This is not a tollerable situation for most women, unless they simply do not like sex.

[jns]

Does he not use condoms because he loses his erection with them? That's another sign of a man who masturbates too much.

I've never got much sensation through a condom and it didn't matter if it was a time when I was masturbating often or not. I seem to remember experimenting by going without masturbation for say, a week and seeing if I could get enough sensation from sex to climax. It didn't work. I would have been so happy if it did work. Has there been studies on this?

[WildChild]

A sex therapist friend recommends that men masturbate using a condom so they can train themselves to be responsive wearing one and so they don't reduce their responsiveness with a partner since men tend to be pretty rough on themselves compared to a vagina.

[stressed]

I've never got much sensation through a condom and it didn't matter if it was a time when I was masturbating often or not. I seem to remember experimenting by going without masturbation for say, a week and seeing if I could get enough sensation from sex to climax. It didn't work. I would have been so happy if it did work. Has there been studies on this?

It would be interesting to look it up in case there's a study, but I mentioned this only based on personal experience.

[jns]

A sex therapist friend recommends that men masturbate using a condom so they can train themselves to be responsive wearing one and so they don't reduce their responsiveness with a partner since men tend to be pretty rough on themselves compared to a vagina.

Tried that and it didn't work. It required even more pressure and roughness to get sensation using a condom for masturbation. The degree of pressure was something completely unattainable during intercourse. To use less pressure left sexual frustration and blue balls. Waiting to masturbate, say a week, didn't help much and neither did waiting longer.

[WildChild]

So, this begs the question, do men cum with a condom? Is it a matter of what you are conditioned to? My generation really didn't use them, we had inexpensive, easily accessible BC that didn't seem to affect libido and there wasn't anything we knew of that you could catch that wasn't easy to cure.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think its got to do with conditioning and/or pyschological factors... because many men are able to successfuly use condoms with enough sensation to experience pleasure and orgasm.