[soldatka]

He is very abnormal and I am glad you see the need to get out - now it is coming to the crunch he is showing himself for what he is. Please don't let him twist your thinking into feeling that you are in the wrong. It is not right to hit your partner. Ever.
I don't know where you are in Europe, but in many cities there are police and welfare services with english speaking staff. Please do get in contact with somebody and let them know you are in danger as they can help protect you. It may also be a good idea to get in touch with your embassy or consulate as they could help if there is any difficulty with the passports.

[patricias213]

Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can begin while you're still with your abuser or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety is of primary importance.

Keep these tips in mind when planning to leave an abusive partner:

Before you leave?
Get help to make a plan.
Create a code word.
Document your abuse.
Pack an emergency bag.

Document your abuse by?
Keeping a journal.
Seeing a doctor.
Filing a police report.
Taking photos.

Pack an emergency bag with?
Money
Your checkbook and bank info
Credit cards
Identification for you and your children
Car keys
Court papers
Medications

After you leave?
Tell family and friends.
Get an order of protection.
Put 911 on speed dial.
Change your cell phone number.
Change your daily routine.
Avoid being alone.
Find a safe place to stay

[kaylar]

Excellent Advice

[kittie21692000]

Sorry to hear about everything. Call a Lawyer!!!!! he cant hold those kids over ur head. If anything file for divorce and move into a diffrent apt with ur kids. And take his sorry *** to court. Be strong ur kids cant live like this. its alot easier for kids to get over divorced parents then kids who see their mommy and daddt fighting all the time and see mommy having booboo's and such. u did fine before this man and u will do fine after!

[JubesInquest]

Ok, he's not normal... as it's been stated.

He's messing around w/his "boss" and there's no need for you to ask him questions about who he's seeing and if he's having an affair--he's about had quite a few.

So he said he didn't list you as the mother on the passport... don't you have birth certificates or birth records for your children? You ARE the mother and he can't change that!
They can always question paternity, but as a MOTHER... YOU ARE IT!!!

Now don't let him get in your head and make you feel trapped.
You can get away from him. Look at those handy tips for your "escape"! Use them! That's good information for you. While you still have the mindset to leave, get up and do so. Take those children. Don't give him the opportunity to poison your kids mind against you; because I guarantee you, that's exactly what he will do; if he hasn't done so in part already.

If you leave without the children he will tell them that you didn't want them or him-- their FATHER-- and you left for another man. He'll also say you weren't this kind of a mother and you weren't that kind of a mother and that's why his mom and dad don't like you ... YADA, YADA, YADA.

Take your children and yourself and get a fresh start in life. It can be done.
Get to someone who speaks English wherever you are and present them with what has happened to you and make sure you get protection for you and your children and file every report necessary.

Stay safe, sweetie.

[miserable mom]

Ronnie, you seem so much stronger than me, your husband reminds me of the way my boyfriend is. Mine hit me and spit on me, I always fought back, sh*t I even gave him a black eye before for hitting me, but I know thats not the way to live. Thank you for responding to my post! I had seen your before but was embarrassed and ashamed to post something but now I'm glad to hear advice or support from other women. I really hope things get better for you as for I. Good luck girl! Take care.

[Christy]

Get out of there as fast as you can. He is abusing you mentally and physically, YOU deserve better, and your sons deserve better take it from me I am a 25 year old woman and I grew up with domestic violence in the home. When I turned 11 instead of beating my mom my dad started beating up on my brother and I. For the sake of your children get the hell out it will not get better it is only going to get worse.

[Irelandlover]

Thanks for your responses once again, it definately makes me feel stronger.
We are in Europe at the moment and that's why I feel that I have nowhere to turn, I am about to go with the children on vacation in the next 3 weeks, (he is staying with his mom, who by the way still detests me even though she is supposedly terminally ill) where I will be returning home and supposed to come back, but I see this as my way out.
I think he has become wise because I was supposed to take the children with me and he said "just take your ticket and leave", but leave the kids behind. He told me that when I get to the airport the police will be waiting for me. He just told me recently that on my youngest son's European passport, he has not listed me as the mother, so if I leave with him it will be considered kidnapping.

He knows I want to leave but he is holding the kids over my head, what do I do? I would rather die than leave the kids behind. We had another fight yesterday but I moved far away from him and I told him that if he touched me I would have him killed, so he didn't. The previous day he had a "meeting" with his boss(female) which lasted for two hours!!They could not have been talking about work! The next day she called at 9pm and they spoke until 11pm, HELLOOOOO!!So I asked him if an affair was brewing or already happening, he told me I am psychotic, I mean please, what am I supposed to think, besides he took the call outside so I couldn't hear anything. What on earth could they possibly be talking about?He said he is tired of my **** and wants a divorce, I said o.k, but then he said "and u leave on your own". So this is where I am stuck! He has obviously found a replacement for me.

p.s. everytime we fight he runs to mommy and daddy for the weekend, is this normal for a grown man??
God bless everyone!

I feel for your situation, you seem sensible, committed and loyal but this behaviour is not acceptable. But you cannot risk your children being left in this situation. If he has hit you, what happens if they do something that annoys him will he hit them? You cannot rule it out. Try to do whatever you can to get away from him with the children. His mother being ill will stress him out, yes BUT not to the point of hitting someone who is his wife, the mother of two wonderful children. Ensure you are safe and protected, don't allow yourself or your children to be treated in an abusive way.