[KMonte85]

I'm really so sorry that this is something you're going through. It is torturous, and no one deserves to feel this way.

But if you're dedicated to saving your marriage, you will need to eventually be able to forgive and stop looking into the past. that is NOT an overnight process, and I hope no one is making you feel guilty for the anger and hurt you're feeling.

How is your husband helping to gain your trust? You said he called your wanting him to quit his job irrational. But if you still believe there's a 50/50 chance he's going to cheat on you again. How is your husband comforting you and trying to regain your trust? What can he do? What does the counselor say he should focus on in your sessions?

Asking him to quit his job is not going to make you trust him more. Not to put more doubt and mistrust in your mind, but a man who wants to cheat will do so and can do so quite easily, whether or not he holds the same job at the same company he did when he cheated before. This isn't going to help you on your path... rebuilding the trust, eventually getting to a point of forgiveness, will.

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

He says it was an emotional thing. Even thought they did had sex. I mean we fight, we have jobs, we have kids we are bisu but i would have never thought it was bad enough for him to have an affair never the less w a married woman, he is 28 and his coworker is 49 yrs old. Shes been married longer than hes been alive. Now hes like "im ready for a new start" and im still like "i beg ur pandon, my husband did what?"

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

Well so far we have change all phone numbers hes has given me all his passwords, me and the lady's husband have exchange email addresses in case we start to notice any weird behavior w either of them. Hes now more attentive amd i sometimes see that he is trying but the question is always in the back of my head should i trust him? Am i malomg easy fpr him to go back to her by not puttimg my foot down amd make him find a new job? If it truly was an emotional affair how do i know those feelings wont rised up in the future?

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

Well so far we have change all phone numbers hes has given me all his passwords, me and the lady's husband have exchange email addresses in case we start to notice any weird behavior w either of them. Hes now more attentive amd i sometimes see that he is trying but the question is always in the back of my head should i trust him? Am i malomg easy fpr him to go back to her by not puttimg my foot down amd make him find a new job? If it truly was an emotional affair how do i know those feelings wont rised up in the future?

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

Everything between us in my eyes has change, i like i said have millions of thoughts and feelings (contradicting) feelings in my head ALL the time, i somedays want to know every single detail of what he did w her to her, then i feel like a idiot for not leaving him. I used to consider myself as a person to has her emotions under control now im feel like im beimg control by them. In one hand i want to show him that am affair was unnaceptable and there is no excuse to have one, and just leave and dont look back and in the other hand im like should i make our kids gp tru split holidays 2different address, see daddy only on tje weekends ...for what?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When you found out and told him, what was his answer to you as to why?

I appreciated what the Councellor has advised you because you can not move on if you are living in the past, it is not possible.

The fact that this lady "told" her husband about the affair tells me something..I suggest she felt guilty even if he suspected and so called dragged it out of her, unless your husband agreed with it occurred, she did not have to spill..I would say that that affair is over so what is there to fear?

Sit back and let the councelling work whereby he informs you somewhere along the line of why he was compelled to cheat and see if you can deal with that.

He's already cheated...His workplace is not the issue...as others have stated, he can do that anywhere...

If you want to give it another go, you have to establish whether he regreted it, loves you, there was something missing, or whether he just is plan old, a cheater...

Then decide what you need to do for you.

CW

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

The lady and her husband are from an asian background her husband wanted to be sure that she was actually cheating before confronting her, he called me and told me what he thought was going on and then foward me the 300+ emails that he had found his wife went all out created a fake yahoo email and a fake facebook so they can talk but i guess she overlooked the fact that her husband is a software tech and somehow tracked her comp history. When he asked her if she was cheating she denied it she told him that my husband was a good friend and that he was going tru divorce and she was just being there for him. Her husband wanted to hear his side of story so he made his wife call my husband and of course their stories didnt match.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ouch, well all you can do if you want to see if your marriage works, is find out why he was compelled to cheat to start with...

[Mrs.Not Perfect]

My husband told him that there was nothing going on between them two, so her husband used the old "divided amd conqier "technique on them, he told his wife that my husband had confessed and told my husband the same. She then said it was just inocent flirting , then somehow it got turn into my husband was harrasing her, and she was just a helpless victim. Her husband told her if that was true to go and report him to Human resources, idk what all happen next between them but while all of this was happening my world was tumbling down i had never felt the need to check on my husband i always felt like if i wasnt cheating he wouldnt be cheating either. Then it hit me i check his call log online and there it was her ph number all over it. He didnt denied it but he did tried to ommitt the most of he could claiming that he didnt wamt to hurt me.

[Guest]

Once a cheat, always a cheat. In the back of your mind he will always be cheating. Either get used to him cheating or if you don't have any trust, kick his tail to the curb.
There are times when I would love to cheat on my wife after a year or no sex, but then I think of how I felt when my ex's cheated on me and how I felt. I just can't do it to her, I just can't. If she ever does and I find out about it, I'm SO GONE... No place to go, but I'm gone. Cheating is the fastest way to get me to leave and I never forgive or forget it.