[CHANDLERS WISH]

How do you percieve the word marriage?

Is it not sharing your inner most thoughts, connecting as two souls?

Is it not both people knowing every inch and every thought of each other and is it not communicating needs, desires, thoughts, beliefs, morals, standards and in that sharing as one?

Religion is a tricky thing my fiance is Catholic, I Protestant, but ultimately, we believe in the same thing, that there is "someone" above us and he will not ask me to train in his religion for 3 months prior to marriage nor marry in a Catholic Church therefore, as he respects my thoughts as I his.

To chose a man over your beliefs and never be able to practise those beliefs how does that make you feel? Verses, chosing to communicate who you are and being able to have both?

Do you believe that he would leave you? Love is of all things not one...

[WildChild]

You are young and have been schooled in one path, perhaps it is time to start educating yourself about some of the other philosophies. You have opened up to loving a man who has different beliefs, why not open up to understanding not just his but others? Some of us believe that connection and spirit is all that there really is. But there are so many schools of thought, even within Buddhism, it can be fascinating to learn about the scope and depth of things people believe and base their lives on.

I think The Red Book, is a good starting point. It is written by Sera Beak, a scholar of comparative religion. She gives an insightful look at beliefs and religions with a nice dose of humor.

[Ashlee T.]

Chaya - I don't think anyone here intended to paint your hubby out to be some sort of horrible husband. We DO know from things you've said that your husband seems like a good man and seems to love you. It is not him we were being tough on...it was you. A marriage is about a joint union, a mutual understand, etc. If one person has ALL the control then it will be abused even if the person is a great person. Your husband doesn't need ALL the control, all the say so, etc. You need a voice too. It doesn't make him a bad person, or you a bad person....... but it screams out that you need to really work on this or things aren't likely to end up where you want them to.

[WildChild]

What some of this comes down to is that you say you don't really understand his culture and he doesn't really understand yours. Many of us do understand his culture and we are speaking from that place.

[Texinator]

...and of course you should feel free to ask as many questions as you'd like, if it would help you understand his culture and men in general.

[chaya]

This thread had made me realize just how inexperienced I am. I'm not sure I will ever be completely comfortable living here surrounded by people I don't understand and that don't understand me. The best I can do is to learn to "coexist" with them. I had always believed that our love could overcome our differences, now I'm not so sure.

I've copied this entire thread to a word file. There is so much there for me to think about.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When I don't understand something, I start learning.... I would never "co-exist" what for? So that I can never be myself and walk around always wondering about what it is I don't understand?

Life is about lessons.

And youth is about learning.

There is alot to learn about everything in life, never hide from it

[Texinator]

I hate not understanding things. I'm naturally a very curious person. Yeah, gets me in trouble from time to time ("Curiosity killed the cat" LOL) but in general it's served me very well. So, if you don't understand something, set out to learn more about it.

I don't know if you get private message notifications, but earlier today I sent you a PM with a link to the Ask Men thread and an invitation to ask there whatever you feel like asking to at least help you understand men better. Also, don't hesitate here or anywhere else about cultural differences that you don't understand.

[Ashlee T.]

I'm not sure I will ever be completely comfortable living here surrounded by people I don't understand and that don't understand me.

I think you underestimate the connection of mankind. The human bond goes FAR beyond the barriers of culture, ethnicity, race, etc. It makes no difference, your religious beliefs...because you live in a country full of ALL kinds of them. It's as if you see yourself as a different mammal...a different breed..... but why? We are all human, we all share that bond, and we're ALL different. I'm a white female who grew up in a predominantly white town and I am VERY different than anyone I grew up with. My thoughts, my values, my beliefs, etc etc etc. YOU are creating barriers for yourself. You are creating lines that don't exist and certainly shouldn't exist. Look up Martin Luther King Jr and read his "I Have a Dream" speech. THIS, sweet girl, is what America is all about. BE you...worship how you worship, sing how you sing, cook how you cook, BE WHO YOU ARE.

Now....... tell me...... who are you chaya? I think you're one of the most brilliant, intriguing people that post here. So share with me.... who is chaya?

[Hopeless Dork]

Your husbands partner is a grown up and responsible for HIMSELF... its not YOUR job to keep him from trying to date your younger sister... if he can't trust his friend, why does he invite him to your home? You can't police a grown man and woman... you can say, whatever you want, but THEY are not your responsiblity.