[Elanor-Jane]

He sounds deranged and like someone u shouldn't be spending your life with. Do u really want to be with a control freak who speaks to you like you are a child? There are plenty of men who don't treat women like this.

[Little]

I've merged the two parts of your thread into one for continuity. Please keep it to one thread as long as it's to do with this topic.

"Punishing you" for coming on to him "a day early" and making you wait an extra day is super-controlling behavior. Your husband obviously gets off more on the idea that he's withholding sex from you than the sex itself. Don't expect that to change.

[brunettebabe]

loveless marriage: part 3

My husband is a little paranoid and O.C.D about things. For instance he loves his privacy. He wants the curtains and blinds tightly closed at all times. On some windows we have two sets of curtains because he is worried that just having one might cast a shadow. When we have sex we use towels for the bodily fluids, we shower, and wash the sheets and towels afterwards. He wants to make sure everything is clean. Makes me wash my hands and mouth if I give him a blow job. Things weren't always like this. We used to do it about three times a week. I don't remember when things started declining.

[jns]

As I stated in part 1, he seems a little phobic about germs. He probably needs help to control his phobia as it seems to be getting worse. Therapy can involve medication and/or psychotherapy. This thread will probably be merged with you other ones as it is a continuation along the same lines.

[Mes T]

jns is right, I'm going to have to merge this one Tara. We don't really allow multiple threads on the same subject. Besides you will probably get more views if it's all condensed.

Anyway in regard to your post, are you venting or looking for some advice? You seem quite miserable in this marriage darling.

[jns]

Phobias and OCDs are not things someone can control complete. He could be very willing to do everything he can for you, but his condition will not allow him to. Much of the world misunderstands individuals with such afflictions. Do you want to help him get better? Find out from doctors what can be done.

[brunettebabe]

does my husband love me?

My husband hardly ever has sex with me. We only do it about once a week or once every two weeks. Sometimes longer. When he says we'll do it on a certain day he usually cancels it and he'll cancel it like at least about five times before something will finally happen. Recently he canceled it ten times before I got some last night. Before last night I would say two to three weeks went by since our last sexual encounter. It upsets me whenever he cancels it. He knows exactly how I feel. He responds to it by saying he has no intentions of making me upset and that the whole thing is psychological and when he is not in the mood he is not in the mood even if he said we would do it. This is one of his many reasons why he cancels it. I try to intiate it, but it almost never works. He usually to tells me to stop whenever I try it. The worst part is we're trying to have our first baby. We've been trying to get pregnant for like three to four years now without any success. The problem most likely has to do with the fact that I hardly get any. He can't understand this. He says I should still be able to get pregnant even though we might not do it very often and since no pregnancy has happened yet he says I must have some kind of problem preventing it from happening. My husband also has schizophrenia. He takes no medication for it. He thinks our neighbors and the people around us atagonize us with their speaker systems. He calls them the animals. Sometimes he thinks I will act like one of them and will tell me some crazy stuff or say mean things. He was doing this tonight so I was wondering if he truly loves me and wanted to come on here to vent. I want to have a baby more than anything and I wish it could it would happen, but at the same time I think that becoming a mother wont be a very good idea because of my husband's mental illness. In the future when the kids are older and better able to understand things I don't want to have to explain it to them and have them see him go crazy. This stuff doesn't normally bother me since I am used to dealing it, but I am a little upset tonight since my husband was doing his crazy thing earlier so that's why I wanted to write all this.

[Mes T]

Tara you haven't replied to some of the posters who've written on here recently. It might be hard for people to post again unless they get a response from you - otherwise it could feel like talking to a wall and maybe not very productive, okay?

[Little]

A child does not deserve to be born to a person who has an untreated mental illness. He doesn't care enough about himself and the people who love him to get better, and I doubt a child would change that.
Not wanting to have children (or lacking the stability to raise them) is a dealbreaker for sure. This man will not make you happy.
The best thing you can do is to leave him. Find a partner who shares your desire to have children.

[stressed]

I was going to type the same as Little did. The child will suffer with such a father and in such an environment, plus there's a nearly 10% chance it will also have schizophrenia, which is incurable.
I believe you're lucky you haven't gotten pregnant with this man and this is your chance to save the rest of your life by leaving him. You're not obliged to carry anyone's cross, especially when they treat you badly.