[heartbroken19]

I have been married for 10 years now and have a 9 year old daughter. A few months back I started noticing changes in my husband. He was very distant, very quiet and always looked concerned or stressed about everything. About a week ago I found in his car a obstetrician card and a doc reciept with another woman's name on it. I decided to confront him on this yeaterday and found out that my husband cheated on me about 7 months ago. It happened while I was out of town and he went to a bar with his friends and met a woman there, he says there was a spark between them and one thing led to another and it happened. He said it only happened once and after that night he never saw her again until about 5 months ago when he found out through a friend of hers that she was pregnant and that my husband might be that father. She is currently about 7 months pregnant but she was also married and had intercourse with her husband around that time as well. But if the baby is his I would want him to take responsibilty because that baby is at no fault at all but I feel so humliated and betrayed. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to ask him or how much I want to know. What will I do if that kid is his, will i ever be able to forgive him and move on. Please I need some help and feedback because I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!

[Ashlee T.]

Very hurtful situation from you. Another poster just posted a very similar situation a few days ago. BE sure to look at the responses to her thread as well.

First, to me the issue would be that my husband had been unfaithful. The only thing the child does to that, is eliminates the possibility that you will be able to move on and "pretend" the affair didn't happen. The kid doesn't change whether or not he cheated, he did. That is knowledge you already have. And for many, that's enough knowledge to leave. In addition to cheating, he also put himself (therefore you as well) at risk of contracting STD's since he clearly didn't care enough to protect himself. THEN, he's secretly either attending OB visits with her, or paying for them, even though she's married and it may be her husbands baby? This is deceitful. To me, the cheating, total disregard for my health, and deceit would be total dealbreakers, baby or no baby.

If you choose to stay, then you choose to accept whatever comes with that, whether the baby is his or not.

[LanaBear]

These stories absolutely break my heart. I wish I could give you some sound advice, but BD pretty much brought it all out there.

I hope you have made an appointment to get tested.

He claims there was a "spark" between them, that spark didn't need to be acted upon. Now both you and her husband are suffering the fall out. So very unfortunate. I'm assuming her husband does not know that the baby may not be his?

[BabyGirl]

in quoting part of your post

But if the baby is his I would want him to take responsibility because that baby is at no fault at all but I feel so humiliated and betrayed.

It is absolutely Wonderful that you recognize that the Baby has no fault in this. It is Normal that you feel Betrayed. He Cheated, he may have had that " Spark " with her, which if only 1 times seems to have been a Firecracker Spermi ~ Zoid. ( one of those oh so Rare, one time and you are Preggers trips. )

What concerns me is his waiting these few months, not Shamefully coming to you and admitting his Transgression , you having to find it out, confront him and then have the " Truth / or his version of it ". Now you have to ask Yourself.

Can you Forgive him, Do you love him enough to Forgive this.(not forget )
Is he regretful and asking for forgiveness ?

What if it is His ? That is Child Support, with inclusion of him in the child's life and You... should you stay through this.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to ask him or how much I want to know.

On this , I think you have all you need to know unless you want the " Gory Details " you know He had Sex with another Woman , Unprotected sex that resulted in the Possibility that a Child may be his.

You know now, that she is also Married and this Child may or not be Her Hubby's. But in your finding the Bills that your Hubby is Paying for, seems to give you some Leverage. And also some decision making materials.

1) Why is he paying the OYBGN Bills ?
2) Do you have Proof she is Married ?
3) Demand he has a Paternity Test done Immediately. Yes they can do In vitro testing before birth.

Then you can go from there, His asking her for a paternity test or referral ( with you there ) at the Same OB's Office he is paying the Bills at, will hopefully settle your mind on what to do.

Yes it's his, no it's not will establish at least One thing.

He is Fertile and Strays.

He Strays and you and him may have another 18 years of Parenthood .

What will I do if that kid is his, will i ever be able to forgive him and move on. Please I need some help and feedback because I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!

Just follow your Heart, Your Heart, can you find anther to spend your days with, can you or have you had others before him , can you have a man in your life after him. ?

Do you want commitment ?
Or just someone to care for your needs at this time. The next 10 years, will your daughter think of him as a father, will his child think of him as deadbeat ? Will you blend and love others as FAMILY, no matter how they came into the world or Who they came from ?

The last question is

Can You Do Better ? Can you Strive for Better, And when the World stops for you ..

Who is in your Heart ?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/husband-fiance/38919-husband-cheated-now-shes-pregnant.html

The thread BD was talking about.

I also commend you for realising that it's not the baby's fault if it is your husbands child...This will be difficult never the less and I'm sorry that you have had to go through this.

You know your husband, ask yourself if this would be or was a once off. The last thing you deserve is for it to occur again.

Did you sit down with him and ask him "why there was a spark", what was missing in your marriage that led him to cheat to start with, was there anything missing or was it just there for the taking and so he took?

I don't think we can as people ignore until we know the reasons of why, then we can decide what we want to do from there.

CW

[heartbroken19]

Thank you all for all of your feedback. It really helps me out a lot to hear others point of view in cases like this. I did ask him about the "spark" and he says it was just there and the opportunity came up and he didn't back down. I also asked him if he didn't think of all that could be lost because of this and if he regreted doing it and he answered this: "I don't blame that I was drunk because I was well aware of what I was about to do and yes I did think of you but I am not going to lie to you I wanted to do it and I didn't regret it until I saw you a few days after, that's when it really bummed me out". He said that he didn't feel like he deserved my forgivness and that he didn't deserve me as his partner. I don't know what to think of all this because it just makes me think that he wants me to leave him but he tells me to give him another chance. I just don't know...my heart is aching in soooo much pain right now. I know I am not the perfect wife but I strongly believe that I am a good enough wife and woman to be treated with more respect. I just feel so worthless as a woman in these moments. I've been crying for the past few days and it seems like this pain is never going to go away!!!!

[LanaBear]

Oh honey....

That is such a tough call because, by what you quoted of him saying... I honestly have to wonder, if put in the same position, would he do it again?

I think you need to dig down deep in your heart and do a lot of soul searching. You obviously know him better than we do, but the fact that he out and out said, yeah, he thought of you, but meh, WTH? You know?

If he told you this and there was no pregnancy... Would you stay? Could you forgive? Does he truly seem that he regrets his decision? Or does he just regret that it resulted in a pregnancy and you HAD to find out?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have to say given what you just stated, sure he is being honest at least, most men wouldn't dare say that, but I also agree with Lana, that broke my heart to think that he willingly did it and didn't care it was going to happen full stop and it was "guilt" that made him think about it when he saw you, yet he did it knowingly, wanting to.

Is he saying that he can't blame the booze, but it was the booze that made him do it?

If a man didn't say that the very next day when he woke, he was devistated for what he did, I'd personally be out of there.

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how much you are hurting right now.

[heartbroken19]

He says that he was drunk but that it is no excuse for what he did. Another thing that has me down is that the other woman left her husband because she strongly believes that it is my husband's child. I mean how sure can she be if she had sex with her husband as well around those days. It just makes me think that it is his if she is so sure, sure enought to leave the husband. I love him so much but I am so confused right now. I don't want all of this to affect my daughter. I mean if that baby ends up being his my daughter is going to have to find out eventually right??

[LanaBear]

Yeah, you would think she would find out eventually. Especially if he is going to be a part of this baby's life.

Has he been with her since the night it happened? Does he have any desire to be with her, with this "spark" they felt and everything? Did she leave her husband under the assumption that a relationship was going to happen between her and your husband?