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My fiance is amazing but I don't think his family likes me.

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  • My fiance is amazing but I don't think his family likes me.

    So my boyfriend and I met online back in November 2009, it wasn't until September 2010 when we met each other in person. He is wonderful and so sweet to me. Now we're expecting a baby and we're going to get married in November this year. My boyfriend is 23 years older than me, I am 21 and he is 44. He is divorced, he was with his first wife for 12 years. His family still has contact with his ex-wife even though they divorced 7 years ago. After he divorced he was with a few other women, nothing serious. But they seem to have contact with one of those women also. It does bother me that his family has contact with two of his ex's. He doesn't have any children from any previous relationship. Our baby is his first, I have a child from my previous marriage. My boyfriend's ex girlfriend got married this month and his family congratulated her. Unlike, when I got pregnant it took them a while to congratulate us on the baby. They still act a bit strange about it, very quiet, and no comments. I've been nice to them. When I met them I have manners and act very politely like normally. I don't know where it went all wrong. Could it be because I am a lot younger than my boyfriend? or what? I've only been nice to them.

  • My guess is that it probably is because of the age difference. They probably assumed it wasn't going to last, that it was just a phase he was going through. You can't force them to like you, all you can do is be yourself and show them that this is the relationship that you both want.

    If you haven't done anything to deserve their attitude, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Hopefully they will eventually come around.


    • I agree, his parents are more than likely in their 60's, that's a different age group, mentality in thoughts.. He is their son, there would be a fear of you leaving, with the child and him never getting to see his child again, his first child too, and same for them, their grandchild...A fear to connect and get close to you.

      Give it time as the relationship makes it's own mark, and a few years have gone by and they can see you two were compatible, are compatible, and are happy they will come around.

      My fiance and I are the same age, bar a couple of weeks. When I met him, he had been separated for 8 months, however, had only moved out of the marital home for 1 month.. So, you can imagine, people's thoughts and that of his Mother was, I jumped on him, didn't give him a chance to resolve his marriage if there was a chance, they didn't consider it ended 8 months ago, couldn't see that and when we announced we were engaged, I was pulled aside at Christmas and basically told by his Mother that she was cold towards me, because he hadn't told his ex-wife yet...To which I stated, he is your son, you are talking to the wrong person, I have told him that he needs to let her know (there is a child involved).

      Took her a few months to think on it, we have dinner dates now the four of us, we remind her of her, when she was our age, and had met her second husband... We get on like a house on fire now...

      You just need to give them time


      • Being as they are older, as CW said probably in their 60's and the fact that they ( he ) has been through two Ex's already, having had one for 12 years.

        They are most likely just biding their time to see if you and he work out. You must remember that he had to love them or care enough ( the other women ) to introduce them to his parents, marry one. Then the relationships ended. And Now here you are !

        The thing about them having contact with two of the Ex's, shows that they had a good relationship with the Ladies. I bet it took them awhile to get close to the one after the Wife ?

        Also bear in mind that since they are still in contact with the 2 Ex's, It shows that they like the women for who they were, not just because they were with their son.

        I am sure it took time to get to know, befriend and even care about those 2 other women. It probably saddened them when their son broke up with the Ladies. So just try to understand, that it seems when these people care about someone, they really care and just don't Dump people in their lives, because Son isn't with them anymore.

        To me this shows good Character and when they learn to Love or care for you, it will be Genuine, not just because you are with their Son.

        And yes, your age might be a factor, after all you could be their Grandaughter (age wise )., I am sure once you are married and When their Grandchild comes into the world, things will change. They will learn to love you & the child, and Realize that you make their son happy .

        Be mature, accept that they have care for the Ex's, accept that that show's they don't care only when the Son does. Don't let it bother you .. He is with you after all. And know when they accept you and care for you. if things don't work out or something happens for you not to be with him or he with you and ( soon to be Hubby ) they will not just abandon you.

        Their actions with the other 2 , shows that to be true.


        • It could be because of the age gap his family is taking a wait and see attitude. Try to not let it affect you.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia



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