[KMonte85]

Do you know for a fact that you losing weight will make your husband sexually attracted to you again?

Losing weight for you as one of your goals for both health and career reasons is wonderful - I applaud you for it, and I think if you check out the fitness and weight loss forum here you'll find lots of tips and support!

But it may not fix the problem you're having with your husband. You two really really REALLY need to have a heart-to-heart. He needs to tell you what happened in his head that made him stop being attracted to you, when did it happen, and why. He shouldn't just tell you he's not attracted to you anymore and leave you grasping at "hints" as to what it is that made him feel that way. If the underlying issues don't get resolved, problems will just keep building up and building up and eventually your marriage may be destroyed.

[DSemcho]

But what if it's because he wasn't physically attracted to me from the beginning? Then I'm at a loss because I'm mad at him for not liking me physically, but then at the same time I can't be mad because he fell in love with who I am. And I'm pretty sure he would, because back at the beginning of the year I lost 20lbs and there was a huge difference, and I did look prettier and we had more sex then also. I gained the weight back though, because I ended up getting pregnant and when I lost the baby I went into a depression. And then we had stress from us PCSing here to Turkey.

[KMonte85]

But what if it's because he wasn't physically attracted to me from the beginning? Then I'm at a loss because I'm mad at him for not liking me physically, but then at the same time I can't be mad because he fell in love with who I am. And I'm pretty sure he would, because back at the beginning of the year I lost 20lbs and there was a huge difference

This is exactly what you need to sit down and calmly talk to your husband about.

Maybe this is the case, maybe it isn't. But you don't know any of it unless he is honest with you and tells you what is on his mind and in his heart. All you know right now is that you're married to a man who loves you as a person, but isn't attracted to you.

If it turns out he never was attracted to you, then you need to reflect on exactly what that means for you... it is scary to have to face this and he may tell you the one thing you don't want to hear. But good or bad, you need to hear it. You deserve to hear it. You can't decide what is best for your marriage, for you, or for him until you know what you're dealing with.

[DSemcho]

Good point. I think I'll wait til the weekend to do that, because he's usually in a better mood on the weekends.

[KMonte85]

I hope you do take some time this weekend to sit down and talk to him. I know what you mean about waiting until he's in a better mood. My fiance is like that too... I wait until the weekends because I know he'll be more receptive to talking so a constructive conversation doesn't turn into an argument. It seems the stress from the weekdays makes him want to do anything but talk about us. I can respect that... (I sort of feel that way too sometimes lol)

[DSemcho]

We went on a walk tonight with the dogs, and I asked him then. I even told him I wasn't gonna get mad, or hurt and it wouldn't affect anything, but I just needed to know if he wasn't attracted to me from the beginning or if it was something recently. And he went, "Recently.. Uh... The whole time... Wait what?"

[KMonte85]

Sounds like he was a little taken aback by your question. Such a guy (sorry to the guys reading this, but sheesh!)... sometimes they can say something hurtful so flippantly and then never think about it again, not realizing that you might still be reeling over it.

Were you able to actually have a productive conversation? If not, bring it up again.. at least now he knows what is on your mind.

[DSemcho]

Eh.... More like he said he didn't want to talk about it and that it was kinda ruining the walk he was enjoying. So I dropped it for now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He was enjoying

Well DH, seeing as I can't invade "your space", let's schedule a time to discuss "my space" 6pm tonight suit you? Without conversing and talking through emotions, we do not know what the other is thinking, and mind reading is not my forte..

[DSemcho]

6pm wouldn't work, because this weekend (Fri & Sat) I work from 4pm until midnight lol.