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Lazy husband!

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  • Lazy husband!

    Ugh okay do any of the other ladys have this problem with husband/fiance?
    currently my husband is not working nor going to school, he starts school in january, and I'm the who is working.
    So everyday my husband does the samething ALL day! Sleep until 12:00 and play his stupid video game all day. Now I really did not mind when he first started playing however now, its all he does!
    It is literally impossible to get him to do anything, I'm always the one having to clean up after him, wash all his dishes throughout the day, and cook, also clean. I tell him to take out the trash he says wait and never does.
    As much as I love my husband his lazyness, selfish, and video game playing all day is really starting to affect and how I treat him.
    Some advice from you ladies would be great!

  • MeghanCouture,

    Its sounds as though he wants another mother figure not a companion. You are under appreciated and you should make sure he know's how you feel.


    • How long have you and your husband been together? Has he always acted this way, or is this a new behavior?

      I wonder if he's not just "stuck in a rut" or a bit depressed. He has nothing to look forward to all day, no purpose right now, and so he wastes his time sleeping and playing mindless games.

      You definitely need to sit him down and tell him that his current lifestyle needs to change. There is zero reason why he can't do any chores... There is also zero reason why he can't get out of the house during this break before school starts. He can find a job, even if its just PT, or go volunteer somewhere. Perhaps he can find something related to the subject he will be studying. This is a much more productive use of his time.

      But regardless of what he chooses to do, he needs to know that you're feeling very overwhelmed with being both a housewife and the breadwinner, and it's affecting your relationship.


      • I can relate to him - when I was laid off work, I got really depressed when I couldn't find other work. I wasn't in school at the time, so I had aLOT of free time on my hands. I slept a lot and played on the computer. I don't think it was due to laziness - since I am NOT a lazy person - I was just falling in to a deep state of depression due to not having anything to do -besides cook and clean. I agree with CW, he can find part time work or volunteer or at least find an activity that will get him out of the house. Maybe you two can agree on time where he can play video games. Compromise. I am not siding with your husband, but I can relate and say that he is probably not trying to be lazy; he's just depressed. Once he starts school in January, he will probably kick the video game habit since he will have home work and things like that. Also, it will give him higher morale and motivation. Until then, all you can do is talk to him - try to emphasize with him - and come to a compromise about video games/house hold chores since it is not fair for you to have to do everything.
        "Look both ways before you cross the street"


        • Do you have any other Children besides Him ?

          You need to sit down and make a Chore List, get a Whiteboard and post chores that need to be done and by whom, Post your days off and what chores you will do on those days off. what chores you will do after work. and what Chores you expect him to do,
          If you are the only Bread Winner and he has No Income coming in, this will be easier to manage his chores.

          My now,21 y/o Daughter is on Hiatus from College.

          I work, her brother works and she sleeps till 2 or 3, up all night, on Comp and her Graphic's Arts Intous 4 Tablet. Sure she is doing her work from school, practicing, learning, animating and getting better .

          But, I'd come home after working 7 am -4:30 or 5 pm and there's a sink load of dishes, Dishwasher still full, stuff on the counters. Couldn't even cook dinner, because the pan was dirty or no clean plates.
          So after a few weeks of this, when she asked for money for a soda or to go get take out .

          I finally told her, You can earn an Allowance , even though you are an Adult. I will pay you $20 a week to keep the kitchen clean, you will be paid on Fridays. I don't care when you clean it, as long as it's clean when I get home.

          The first few weeks went well, then she started slacking, not cleaning it every day. So, one week I paid her $10. she of course asked why ? I explained you don't do your Job, you don't earn money and you can't get the things you want without money.

          She did better again, for awhile, then I'd come home some nights, see the kitchen a mess, make a sandwich ,open a can of Chili or Ravioli's, get a glass of milk and eat at my comp, usually here WH.

          She came out" Whats for Dinner Mom ?"
          Whatever you can fix hun, I was going to make fried chicken, and Jo Jo's...But the Fry pan still had your Terriyaki stir fry in it you had for lunch ( it seems ). Kitchen isn't clean , so decided to get something for myself, I'm too tired to clean and cook tonight.

          She cleaned the kitchen at about 1 am, I'd guess as, It was clean when I got up at 4:30 am.
          The thing here is she gets into her Art and Art is her life, but she forgets she has a " Job" , well Kitchen Cleaning , is a Job . But she has time during her day or waking hours to do some chores.

          I buy her Feminine Pads, her Shampoo, her Make up, her toothpaste and still offer to pay for her doing Chores. If she needs Pencils or a sketch pad, I buy it, because Graphic Arts is her Dream Career .

          I know this is my Adult Child and You have an Adult Hubby. But the principal is the Same. If he want's a new game or you to bring home Chips or Pizza or Take out, smokes or even beer for a Sports night.

          He should Earn it .
          Actually he should, being a Hubby, try to make your time off work, easier and more enjoyable.
          So write the List, get that Whiteboard and get a Program going .

          Come home to a Dirty Kitchen , open a can of soup and make a sandwich For YOURSELF Only. Do Your Laundry Only, Clean Up Your Mess ONLY !!

          Eventually he may get the Hint and when He says " Honey Bring home KFC for Dinner, just explain you can't afford it, as you will have to save money for a Housekeeper/ Handy Man " ..

          Right now you don't have a Partner in the Home, You have a "Child" that needs to be taught to Share responsibilities, Earn Privileges and Rewards. But also to learn the Consequences of being Non Productive and Lazy and Self Serving .

          The Lesson is , You will be alone and have to do that and take care of yourself and Needs and Wants by yourself anyway. So why not " Partner up " and share the Chores and Reap the Rewards ?

          On a Note here,

          Daughter was doing much better, for 2 weeks, doing Extra Cleaning, Like cabinets and washing them and asking me to get new shelf liner ??

          WTF ??? Mama ain't stupid...

          I buy it bring it home, Kitchen Stuff is done next day by the time I get home and she made Dinner ..

          "Mama, My graphics pen doesn't work , it broke when I tried to clean it up, but I found one for $80 on the Wacom site. You can make it an Early Christmas present if you want or Not pay me my $20 every Friday for a Month ".

          Yeah I fell for that, bought the Pen online and told her Extra Chores were on the Whiteboard. But one special Extra " Chore " was there, She had to Get up at 6:30 AM , when I left, so when UPS or FEDEX came to the Door , she could sign for it ., Because no way Was I going to Drive out to the Fed Ex or UPS industrial Park area 9 8 miles out ) to pick it up because it could not Be Delivered .

          Dang Pen came in 3 days , So much for " Extra Chore " of living in Reality Get up in Morning , Sleep at Night " World .

          I'm off today, Guess I'll make homemade Lasagna , since Kitchen is Clean .. lmao


          • Thanks for all the comments!
            Here's the thing, My husband is diabetic, We can't understand how he got it because he is in great shape, but things happen. Since he got it while he was in the military he is now a va.
            So they send him checks once a month and it all goes into our account, though I do make most of the money. The va has set him up with a job and everything he just has to take a few classes for it which all starts in jan of next year.
            So I guess in the mean time this is what he has decided to do.
            He also suffers from very low testosterone, he says the reason for his behavior is because of that. Now I did my reasearch on this and he is very rite, it not only affects his behavior, it affects his entire body, and it does make you lazy. In about a month he will be getting some pills to raise his testosterone level so hopefully he will be back to normal. he has always had a job and has always been lazy just not this bad. I hope it is just a phaze!
            We have been together for 3 years and been married for 4 months, and I have never seen him this bad.
            And no we donot have any children, he is my only one! Haha



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