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  • another girl

    My husband was the first one to become friends with this girl we both know from Walgreens. At first I didn't care for her or trust her, but later on I befriended her. So far all they have been doing is just talking, but he keeps on changing his mind about whether or not he should talk to her and be friends with her. The first time he told me that he didn't want anything to do with her was when he went to the store himself she was being really rude to him so he said she was a stupid b-tch. The next day we happened to go to Walgreens, where she works, to do some shopping. While we there he walked through the entire store to find her and once he did he started talking to her again. This was right after he told me he didn't want anything to do with her so I awfully supicious about what was going on. He said they were talking again because she apologized for the rude behavior and when he said he didn't anything to do with her he was just talking out of anger. Yesterday he told me again that he didn't want anything to do with her because the bowling plans he made with her fell through because she never called to finalize the plans. Now he is starting to talk to her again because she is all of the sudden is communicating with him after ignoring him yesterday, the day they wanted to go bowling. He knows this girl's working schedule. I don't see why he had to ask about it. He and I never go out and plus we almost never drink alcohol. Now all of the sudden when this girl is in the picture he wants to go out, have fun, and drink. What is going on here? Should I be concerned?

  • Also he was getting all anxious about the bowling plans by asking me over and over again and kept on getting on to me about calling the different bowling alleys.

    Comment


    • Oh honey, don't play a part firstly and secondly he's your husband, he is not ALLOWED to go bowling with any other woman without you there.

      Sounds as if he is chasing her, yet he won't have sex with you and gives you so much curry about little things.

      What do you think you want to do about it?
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Fishy business I can smell it from my location!

        A husband shouldn't be allowed to go out with another woman without you there, especially with this nature (him talking to her and turning around telling you he doesn't want anything to do with her). It's BS for him to pretend that he is not interested. He is telling you something and doing another, won't you feel suspicious? Was he like this before early in your relationship?

        Him planning to go out with her, is a flat out sign that tells me he is chasing her, enjoys being with her and resents her if things don't fall the way he wanted them to. This is a NO-NO for a husband to do. YOU must be his priority - the one he should take the time to plan to go out with, to do things with - not this Walgreens bimbo or any other woman!

        Time to sit down with him and share how you feel about it (unless, you're okay with what he's doing, why worry). I always adhere to this rule regarding men - when they tell you something and yet act/do the opposite, I go with the action. What he does is the real thing.

        What are your boundaries regarding this issue? What can you take and cannot take? Up to what point would you draw the line and talk it out with your hubby? Remember, put your heart first.
        Last edited by caterpillar79; 11-20-2011, 06:38 AM. Reason: men not "me"

        Comment


        • I have talked to him about this several times and he says I have nothing to worry about. All three of us were going to go bowling. I would never allow him or trust him to go alone. I was still supicious about the bowling plans even though all of us were going to go together because why all of the sudden want to go out, have fun, and want to drink when the two of us never go out or drink. Plus he was getting all anxious about it. Sorry I made you guys misunderstand it and sorry I didn't make it clear enough.

          Comment


          • Maybe then, he wants to go out and have fun and as you two don't do that, she becomes the reason that it can occur.

            Why don't you ever go out, or drink?
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Tara43 View Post
              I have talked to him about this several times and he says I have nothing to worry about. All three of us were going to go bowling. I would never allow him or trust him to go alone. I was still supicious about the bowling plans even though all of us were going to go together because why all of the sudden want to go out, have fun, and want to drink when the two of us never go out or drink. Plus he was getting all anxious about it. Sorry I made you guys misunderstand it and sorry I didn't make it clear enough.
              Hmm, okay. I kinda understand a little bit. But still, I'm a little bit iffy about it. My husband has a buddy from work but he's a guy. The two would arrange a get together but it's always subject to my approval. I get to text his buddy or call him and when he has to reply via a call, he always calls my husband and talk about it in detail not with me. And I always tell my hubby whenever I call or text his buddy. There is boundary and we abide by it.

              What I'm curious about is up to what extent is the relationship that your husband has with this girl and what part you play on this one. What perplexes me is that they (your hubby and her) planned this bowling deal (correct me if I'm wrong). And at the same time, I am even more lost as to why he would not arrange something that only the two of you - husband and wife - would go out and have a great time.

              He knows the girl's work schedule - why? Seems like something needs to be explained. If they go to school together or work together or volunteer on a certain place together such that they have constant contact, I might find it valid. But right now, I just couldn't, unless, there is something more to it. Would you enlighten me on this?
              Last edited by caterpillar79; 11-19-2011, 03:00 PM.

              Comment


              • He doesn't know this girl from school or from volunteer work or anything like that. They just started talking one day when he was shopping and that's how they met. I would describe the relationship as an aquantince. We mostly talk when she is working.

                Comment


                • And so why don't you two go out.

                  Why don't you two drink? Have a good time together, why is she his escape goat?
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                  Comment


                  • Is the girl single, married, in a relationship - Do you know? If she is with somebody - do you know if she'll bring him with her when you go bowling?

                    Does your hubby text/call her? I hope not!

                    Back to the question above...why don't you two plan something to do together - only the two of you?

                    Comment


                    • The girl has a boyfriend and two kids. He has called her, but only a few times. When we planned on going bowling it was going to be the three of us: hubby, me, and the girl. Hubby and I don't go out because we just don't. Our idea of fun is to go work out.

                      Comment


                      • Was her bf invited as well? Why target her as the friend and not the couple together? It just feels off to me. Not saying he wants her or anything of that nature, just saying if he wants to make friends for you or him or the both of you he is going about it very akwardly.
                        Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                        Comment


                        • Now all of the sudden when this girl is in the picture he wants to go out, have fun, and drink.
                          Our idea of fun is to go work out.
                          I don't know of anyone who thinks working out is fun, rather an achievement a "feel good" feeling after the fact.

                          I wonder therefore, if it's more of a "habit" and something of a "must do" a need...Than fun for him anymore.

                          Perhaps he's really bored with same old same old lifestyle, maybe Tara he really does want to get out, do different things, play bowls, drink and laugh...

                          I also agree with others, why isn't it a couple's "date"...
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                          Comment


                          • I agree to both posters - your hubby may be innocent but he is doing it in a way close to icky boundaries.

                            Maybe you need to provide us more details about your routine/ways as a couple. What else do you do together besides workout? Do you have other friends who are couples also and if you do, do you go out with them as a couple as well? Do you have individual friends of the same gender?

                            What are the things that concern you the most regarding this girl? Is it just the fact that your husband seems excited and wanting to go out with her around (or maybe I'm reading it wrong)? Are there other concerns in general regarding your husband, i.e. him not initiating anything for a date with you alone,etc...?
                            Last edited by caterpillar79; 11-20-2011, 01:38 PM.

                            Comment


                            • hubbby doesn't really have any friends. he usually only talks to me and family. i have a few friends, ones i knew from high school, but i never hang out with them because they all live too far away. all hubby and i do is work out. i'm concerned about this girl because why tell me you don't want to talk to her, but then the next minute you're babbling away. He keeps on going back and forth about whether or not he should talk to her. Also why all of the sudden does he want to go out and drink with this girl when we never do. i wish hubby could spend a little more time with me. he eats with me at the dinner table for like five minutes when he wants to get up to leave to finish the rest of his meal in the basement. he likes to hang out in the basement a lot.

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