[StrippedOfEverything]

He hit me. Bad. My head is killing me, and I can't hear in one ear. This was 8 hrs ago. Everyone's suggestions I've read won't work. What they lock him up for 24hrs, maybe a couple days? He knows where the my family lives. We have a 4 yr old, she saw the first strike today. I've never been a weak woman, but he is SOO big, and SOO strong and determined.

The cops can't help me. If I do leave, he'll find me. This isn't some abusive paranoid thinking. He's VERY strong and crazy. What do I do? He goes to work in a couple hours with the working car. It's not as simple as everyone puts it.

[StrippedOfEverything]

I guess no one an relate? ;/

[why_does_it_have_to_be_me]

ooh i am so sorry you have to deal with this i cant say that i have been in this kind of situation before. but i watched my mother go through it with my dad. i was around the same age as your little girl i can say that for sure it very damaging for her even though shes soo young these are her earliest memories. i think what you have to is get a restraining order against him. if it doest work just leave town run as far away from him as possible. i dont understand how cops wont help. im sorry im not much help i thought id reply so you dont feel alone .

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh Honey, it's New Years Eve across the World and for others it's 3am in the morning...

You have to start talking to anyone who will listen.. He may know where your family live but the Police can do things, restraining orders, locking him up again...

You need to move out of there now with your daughter go somewhere safe for a couple of days... A man who hits a woman often, really is gutless, uses "words" but would never act on them... Get your parents front door deadbolted but he won't go there, other than to yell to find you and they can then call the police.

Make sure that their neighbours know so that people are looking out for them.

You can not live in fear like this and your daughter CAN NOT see this violence..

Can you go to the Hospital with her? Let them check you out as well as find you somewhere to go.

Please leave now, whilst he is at work.

I'm here for a bit, I'm here for you to talk to.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks why does it have to be me, welcome to the Forum, not putting those _ it will take me too long

[why_does_it_have_to_be_me]

thank you! and happy new year! by the way i have read many threads on hear and have seen many of you posts, you give great advise, have good point of view!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Stripped.

You really did come to the right place.

I hope you left after reading just two replies and have left.

If not, I hope you log in again and talk to us...

There are alot of people here that can offer good advice and great opinions... You don't have to be alone.

CW

[jns]

SOE, I looked up walnut Creek and it said BART goes there, so if you could get to the station you could travel to Oakland or better San Francisco and go to a battered women's shelter there. Use a camera and document your injuries. Keep track of dates and times. They will continue to look worse for several days or several weeks. If you go to a shelter, they should do this documentation, too. If you don't go, pull back and don't cause confrontation, but gather resources (money, clothes, supplies, etc.) to allow you to escape later. Be very good at hiding them. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It is common for the battered person to conclude it was something that they did after a while. Then they go back in the same situation. Stay strong and remember what you have gone through. Write a complete description of what happened with a lot of detail such as where you were, which way you were standing, where your child was, if you screamed, etc. Keep it with the documentation. Make a copy or two of any documentation and keep them in other secret places so he cannot destroy everything if he finds a copy.

[Ashlee T.]

Please follow JNS's advice and take pictures of your injuries and document the incidents. You are scared of him, and rightfully so. He is physically and mentally abusing you, and now by doing this in front of your child, he is also abusing her. These ARE things that will shape the rest of her life with scars. She deserves a chance in life, and she won't have one if you stay in this situation. LEAVE and LIVE. This is your only option short of laying down with a "kill me and my daughter" sign on your chest. You're right, getting out of this is not simple. Nothing simple or easy about it. But it's a necessity. You are NOT a weak woman, and you can absolutely do this.

1. Do not let him know you're planning to leave. Delete all computer history (do NOT assume he won't look.....he will).
2. Find a safe space like a domestic violence shelter. Here is a list of numbers from your area: Shelter and Crisis Counseling:

If you need a place to stay, or advice about your immediate problems, contact any of the following agencies. Feel free to contact shelters which are located far from your home. You may be safer if you are harder to find.

WOMAN, Inc. (clearinghouse of all women's shelter status) 415-864-4777
Battered Women's Alternatives (BWA) 24 Hour Hotline: 888-215-5555
Battered Women's Alternatives (BWA) Legal Services 925-676-3122
Battered Women's Alternatives (BWA) Restraining Order Information 925-676-3122
A Safe Place (Oakland): 510-536-7735
Women's Refuge (Oakland): 510-547-4663 or 510-658-7231
Emergency Shelter Program (Hayward): 510-786-1246
SAVE (Fremont): 510-794-6055
La Casa de las Madres (San Francisco): 415-333-1515
Marin Abused Women's Services: 415-924-6616
San Mateo Women's Shelter: 415-342-0850
Tri-Valley Haven (Livermore): 925-449-5842
24-HOUR Counseling and Emergency Food: Central County: 284-CARE
West County: 510-235-5244
South County: 833-8111
Bay Area Crisis Nursery (Concord): 685-8052
Teen to Teen Hot Line:
Kid Phone Warm Line:
Rape Crisis Center West County: 510-236-7273
Rape Crisis Center Central County: 798-7273


3. Plan your escape. If he uses your only working vehicle, this may require some coordination with someone from the safe space or police department. They could come and get you and your daughter out of the home while he's not home. It is important that whomever you talks to know the extent of your fear and that you fear for your life and the life of your daughter. If he's arrested he may only be in jail for 24 hours, but during those 24 hours you and your daughter can be put into a safe space where he cannot reach you. In the meantime, file a restraining order. Here is a description of resources in your area: Resources:

Police Services: The police will come out to your house any time of the day or night to investigate, counsel, intervene, or arrest those committing domestic violence. Simply call 9-1-1, and we will be there. If you call for help, we will come in your house even over the objection of your partner, talk to you in a safe place away from your partner, and not leave until we can get you and your children to a safe place. We will arrest those who have violated the law, and take them to jail. Sometimes we can just arrest violators on our own, and sometimes we may ask you to to make a citizen's arrest. The officer will explain the alternatives and options to you, and make sure you are safe while we are there. We can arrange to have you notified when an arrested person is about to be released from jail. We will help you seek an emergency protective order so that you are safe from that person, and provide you other information and services to help you go forward in resolution.

In a non- crisis situation, you can stop by the police station at any time, and informally and confidentially consult with an experienced police officer to help you decide on options and choices. Sometimes, that is the best thing to do. Call us at any of the following numbers:

Walnut Creek Police Department:

Emergency: 9-1-1
Direct- dial emergency and from cell phones: 925-935-6400
Non-emergency; or for messages to officers: 925-943-5844

District Attorney's Office:

The District Attorney is your legal representative in a criminal case, and will be prosecuting the person who victimized you. The District Attorney is committed to the safety and security of victims and witnesses. If you are pressing charges, and the offender or his friends are threatening or harassing you, or you just have questions about civil or criminal matters in general, you can call any of the following numbers for advice:

District Attorney- Victim/ Witness Program: 925-372-4521
District Attorney- Victim/ Witness Assistance- Central and East: 925-313-4170
District Attorney- Victim/ Witness Assistance- West County: 510-321-3201

Legal Services:

If you need an experienced attorney for your divorce, child custody or support problems, or for a restraining order, contact any one of the following agencies. Fees vary, and some may be on a sliding scale, based on your ability to pay:

Contra Costa County Bar Association: 925-686-6900
Divorce Centers (Do-it-Yourself Divorce): 925-937-6320
Battered Women's Alternatives Legal Services (see next section as well): 925-676-3122

4. Tell others. Tell your neighbors. Tell family and friends. Do NOT tell them where you are going (safe space), but tell them what is going on so they can check up on you until you are in a safe space.

Be willing. Be smart. And save your own life and your daughters. Please...leave and live.

[jns]

Thanks, BD for all your work on getting a list of resources together. SOE, your family can take care of themselves. Just warn them about this guy so they can prepare. You have to take care of yourself and your daughter. If you don't take care of your daughter, who will take care of her? So take care of yourself so you can help her.