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husband and computer/internet

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  • husband and computer/internet

    My husband was never interested in using the computer/internet at all until this past weekend. Now he uses it all the time and now he all the sudden wants to talk to other women on a pen pal website. He also gets naked in front of computer. Why he is all of the sudden interested in this and doing all this stuff? It has been upsetting me. Especially the naked thing. What's going on?

  • Seems like a very abrupt (and concerning) change in behavior. It's a good thing you're catching on to it quickly. There is no way to know why he's doing this, unless you have an adult conversation with him and most importantly let him know you're not okay with it.

    He is doing this stuff in front of you? Admitting to talking to other women on penpal sites? Or have you discovered this information on your own?
    "Be what you're looking for."

    Comment


    • You know those red flags that are going off in your mind that something's not right?

      That's your gut instinct talking to you. Listen to it.

      I may be wrong (although I doubt it), but it seems your husband has found himself some "adult" entertainment online. It may be porn, or it could be interactions with an actual person. That "penpal" website you mentioned sounds sketchy, especially given he's had no interest in the computer before and now he's constantly sitting in front of it.. buttnaked.

      Go online and check out his browser history. That should give you all the answers you seek about his recent interest in the internet.

      Comment


      • If I tell my husband while he is using the computer/internet that I want to use it too he will say that I can use it in thirty minutes, an hour, or whatever. If I try to talk him or bother him in any way during that time then he increases the amount of time. He works with the computer in other room and he tells me all about his stupid pen pal thing. Admits it.

        Comment


        • Have you talked to him about your concerns with his new habit?

          I'm not a big proponent of snooping, but if you're really concerned about what he's doing and he's not being communicative with you, take a look at his browsing history.

          Comment


          • I feel like you're taking a very passive approach here. And while sometimes I think that can be advantageous (though rarely), I do not think it will pay off for you in this instance. He needs to be confronted, calmly but firmly to address this issue. It is clearly an issue and will result in a barage of other issues in your marriage if not dealt with. The sooner the better.

            Why would your husband think it's okay to establish female pen pals? And even if by some far stretch it was a totally innocent thing, I can't see any reason he'd need to do it in the nude, unless of course sitting around in the nude is just his typical behavior. Does he think you're naive enough to believe there's not something fishy going on here?
            "Be what you're looking for."

            Comment


            • This is just the icing on the cake in your marriage. Your husband's mental illness, refusal to take medication, making inappropriate relationships with the women he works with, sexual incompatibility, incompatibility on wanting children, calling the neighbors animals, calling YOU an animal, control issues (I see he uses the same tactic to keep you off the computer that he does to punish you for asking for sex!), the list goes on.
              Remember what you said in your last thread: "I am still pretty young, still have a lot to look for, and a lot to experience. I don't need to be dealing with this at a such young age."

              I feel like the last straw should have come a long time ago. This man doesn't respect you at ALL. He doesn't even care about your feelings. It's like he's actively trying to get you to leave and is taking pleasure in watching you suffer. You are worth more than that. Don't let the idea of being single scare you into this relationship.
              <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

              Comment


              • I was thinking something similer earlier little. That I have wrote TOO many threads on here about him and that I complain and whine about him TOO much to friends.

                Comment


                • You need a place to vent. Here, with friends ... so don't put it to yourself that way.
                  You have probably taken TOO much of his BS. You have allowed him to infringe upon your self-respect for too long. You've given up your right to happiness to him, without him actively working to improve your relationship, for way too long.

                  Don't worry about what we or your friends feel concerning hearing about this guy. Worry about YOUR feelings. Examine them. Try to improve your situation
                  <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

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                  • Definitely ditto to what Little said. When you're in a situation in which you start feeling guilty because you're complaining about it SO much that you're afraid everyone is sick of hearing it, it's probably not because they're truly sick of hearing it, it's because they're sick of you putting up with BS and wasting your life away on it.

                    What is he doing to nurture this marriage? "I love you" doesn't count, because words mean nothing without action. So what is it keeping you there? I think the answer is not love. "I stay because I love him", isn't the case. It is more likely "I stay because I don't love myself". So why don't you?

                    You can be happy in this life. And you will be. But you're going to have to make the decision to move on from this in your life first. Otherwise, you'll remain on this "not so merry" go round.
                    "Be what you're looking for."

                    Comment


                    • I guess one of the reasons why I haven't left yet is because I am afraid of having to find a boyfriend. I had a hard time in the past with this. I only dated one guy before getting married. People in general (men & women) don't like me very much. I was bullied.

                      Comment


                      • You don't **have** to find a boyfriend. In fact, after having such a painful and dysfunctional relationship, you could probably use some time alone. Do some looking at yourself. Think about why people don't seem to like you, think about whether they really don't like you or if it's just that you don't think they do.
                        You're an adult now. You don't have to let anybody bully you. But you're letting your husband bully you from INSIDE your own home right now! It's not right.

                        Keep telling yourself: YOU DESERVE MORE.

                        I understand that you probably want to find another partner and eventually get married (or have a strong romantic relationship at least) again, to eventually have kids, I'm just saying it shouldn't be your first priority.
                        <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by brunettebabe View Post
                          I am afraid of having to find a boyfriend.

                          Who says you have to right away, or ever? Happiness starts with YOU.
                          "If you are resolutely determined to make a lawyer of yourself, the thing is more than half done already." -Abraham Lincoln

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                          • Had hardly any friends and no boyfriends.

                            Comment


                            • I guess one of the reasons why I haven't left yet is because I am afraid of having to find a boyfriend. I had a hard time in the past with this. I only dated one guy before getting married. People in general (men & women) don't like me very much. I was bullied.
                              Your past doesn't = your future. If it did, I'd still be painfully miserably shy. I'd still feel physically awkward in front of everyone. I've done a lot of growing. And so have you.

                              The part I don't understand is why would the fear of not finding another man keep you in an unhappy unhealthy marriage? What IF you didn't find another man for 10 years after your divorce? Wouldn't it be nice to learn that you can be happy? Your husband doesn't make you happy, so what have you to lose? Your self worth does not depend upon your relationship status. It's almost as if to say it's better to be in an unhappy marriage in which you're treated terribly than it is to be single and happy.

                              I am 29 and I have not married. I have not married because I haven't found a person that I can be happier with, than I am alone. So far, I have found men who add stress and negativity to my life. Drama. etc. Does that mean I don't hope to find the man of my dreams someday? Of course not. I long for that day. But in the meantime.....girlfriend, I am happy. And that is priceless.

                              You can be happy too.
                              "Be what you're looking for."

                              Comment

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