[brunettebabe]

My husband was never interested in using the computer/internet at all until this past weekend. Now he uses it all the time and now he all the sudden wants to talk to other women on a pen pal website. He also gets naked in front of computer. Why he is all of the sudden interested in this and doing all this stuff? It has been upsetting me. Especially the naked thing. What's going on?

[Ashlee T.]

Seems like a very abrupt (and concerning) change in behavior. It's a good thing you're catching on to it quickly. There is no way to know why he's doing this, unless you have an adult conversation with him and most importantly let him know you're not okay with it.

He is doing this stuff in front of you? Admitting to talking to other women on penpal sites? Or have you discovered this information on your own?

[KMonte85]

You know those red flags that are going off in your mind that something's not right?

That's your gut instinct talking to you. Listen to it.

I may be wrong (although I doubt it), but it seems your husband has found himself some "adult" entertainment online. It may be porn, or it could be interactions with an actual person. That "penpal" website you mentioned sounds sketchy, especially given he's had no interest in the computer before and now he's constantly sitting in front of it.. buttnaked.

Go online and check out his browser history. That should give you all the answers you seek about his recent interest in the internet.

[brunettebabe]

If I tell my husband while he is using the computer/internet that I want to use it too he will say that I can use it in thirty minutes, an hour, or whatever. If I try to talk him or bother him in any way during that time then he increases the amount of time. He works with the computer in other room and he tells me all about his stupid pen pal thing. Admits it.

[KMonte85]

Have you talked to him about your concerns with his new habit?

I'm not a big proponent of snooping, but if you're really concerned about what he's doing and he's not being communicative with you, take a look at his browsing history.

[Ashlee T.]

I feel like you're taking a very passive approach here. And while sometimes I think that can be advantageous (though rarely), I do not think it will pay off for you in this instance. He needs to be confronted, calmly but firmly to address this issue. It is clearly an issue and will result in a barage of other issues in your marriage if not dealt with. The sooner the better.

Why would your husband think it's okay to establish female pen pals? And even if by some far stretch it was a totally innocent thing, I can't see any reason he'd need to do it in the nude, unless of course sitting around in the nude is just his typical behavior. Does he think you're naive enough to believe there's not something fishy going on here?

[Little]

This is just the icing on the cake in your marriage. Your husband's mental illness, refusal to take medication, making inappropriate relationships with the women he works with, sexual incompatibility, incompatibility on wanting children, calling the neighbors animals, calling YOU an animal, control issues (I see he uses the same tactic to keep you off the computer that he does to punish you for asking for sex!), the list goes on.
Remember what you said in your last thread: "I am still pretty young, still have a lot to look for, and a lot to experience. I don't need to be dealing with this at a such young age."

I feel like the last straw should have come a long time ago. This man doesn't respect you at ALL. He doesn't even care about your feelings. It's like he's actively trying to get you to leave and is taking pleasure in watching you suffer. You are worth more than that. Don't let the idea of being single scare you into this relationship.

[brunettebabe]

I was thinking something similer earlier little. That I have wrote TOO many threads on here about him and that I complain and whine about him TOO much to friends.

[Little]

You need a place to vent. Here, with friends ... so don't put it to yourself that way.
You have probably taken TOO much of his BS. You have allowed him to infringe upon your self-respect for too long. You've given up your right to happiness to him, without him actively working to improve your relationship, for way too long.

Don't worry about what we or your friends feel concerning hearing about this guy. Worry about YOUR feelings. Examine them. Try to improve your situation

[Ashlee T.]

Definitely ditto to what Little said. When you're in a situation in which you start feeling guilty because you're complaining about it SO much that you're afraid everyone is sick of hearing it, it's probably not because they're truly sick of hearing it, it's because they're sick of you putting up with BS and wasting your life away on it.

What is he doing to nurture this marriage? "I love you" doesn't count, because words mean nothing without action. So what is it keeping you there? I think the answer is not love. "I stay because I love him", isn't the case. It is more likely "I stay because I don't love myself". So why don't you?

You can be happy in this life. And you will be. But you're going to have to make the decision to move on from this in your life first. Otherwise, you'll remain on this "not so merry" go round.