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Am I totally Insane?

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  • Am I totally Insane?

    OK so I've posted he several times concerning issues with the same person... First inappropriate texts, pics, etc. with other young women- I forgave him and took him back- Then it happened again and I moved out about 6 months or so ago- Since then we have had good communication (with the occassional rant about me not making up my mind- it should'nt take this long..) Well for the past two weeks things have been great dinners, hanging out and having a genuinely good time with one another- Here comes the kicker- he thinks he should just move in, just like that - no holds bar- just like we never seperated. Well I've honestly gotten used to having my own space and routine etc. and now I feeling a little uncomfortable- things are going too fast- AND NOW he says it's my fault, I should'nt send mixed signals and he's upset. He says it should'nt take this long and if I wanted to be with him I would'nt be affraid to proclaim it to the world. Am I insane or does this seem strange..

  • Well, he isn't the one who should decide how long it takes you to heal. He hurt you and if you need more time to mend then you should be able to take it without pressure. Are you married or boyfriend/girlfriend? How long have you been together?

    Do you see yourself together long-term? If so, you might have to (eventually) bite the bullet and let him move back in, unless you feel you can have a functional relationship without ever living together again. Perhaps you can do a "trial" move in, where he stays with you for about 2 weeks without moving his stuff in to see how things are. If you feel comfortable with it, maybe you can make the next step and fully move in together again. If you feel it's a little too much, then you just take more time.


    • Together 6 years, 2 children.. But problems with texts and things for 4 years..Good Idea about the trial move-in, but certain he will not go for it- he's says all or nothing.


      • What is the difference between him moving in and a trial move-in? Either way he's in the house and you all are resuming your husband/wife/father/mother/children roles. You asked a question in a previous post, wondering if you are looking at him hoping to see the person you want him to be rather than the person he is. If you are still asking these types of questions - please don't let him move back. Your children deserve something better than a revolving door. They need consistency and continuity.
        My second question is where is he currently living? If he's in a place where his freedoms are curtailed a bit (moved back in with parents or a room-mate), if his finances are stretched and he no longer wants to pay child support (assuming he is paying child support) or is afraid you'll ask him for child support, then I'd be really suspect of his motives. If you're not hearing that he loves you, wants to make a life with you, wants to make amends for past mistakes and hurts and will strive to not repeat history -- then don't let him back just yet. Take your time. You are in the drivers seat for a change. You can control your own destiny.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.


        • Run. Seriously. In my opinion, this is a no good guy and a no good situation. You're not insane...but you're not seeing things for what they are, you're seeing them for what you want them to be. You're not looking at reality here. You're not looking at what you truly have. What you truly have is a man who is untrustworthy, a man who is a cheater, then turns around and expects you to make a big commitment to him just because he wines and dines you for 2 weeks, a man who has no respect for you.

          You and your kids deserve more than this. You know it. The life you will be providing for them by allowing him to move in (or moving in with him) is one of turmoil and instability. Now he says "all or nothing?" Where was his all or nothing when he was betraying your trust....more than once?

          No good. You deserve much much better than this.
          "Be what you're looking for."



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