[Tanya Sawatzky]

Hi, I'm Tanya I'm 25 years old, My Fiance and I have three kids together. My fiance keeps my bank card and I have to ask for anything I want to buy. I work alot of nights at the hospital and I'm making good money, and I really do not think this is fair and I think he is being unreasonable. He says it is because he knows the routine of paying bills, but to me this sounds like a way to keep my bank card. Does anybody think I should just take it back? When I get off work I'm taking it back and if he will not give it back I'm going to the bank and going to bank cancelling the one he got and getting a new one. This chick has had enough of this foolishness!!!

[Claret]

Why does he have your bank card? Please explain again. Does he have your bank card and one in his name as well. If he has one in his name he doesn't need your card. This is purely a form of control, he is controlling your access to your money and making you ask him for $ when you need it. Do you know how much money should be in the account? Do you suspect he is spending the money on gambling or other activities? Find out all you can -- then yes take back your card, keep aware of your finances and you should find out about the bills that are coming in as well.

[KMonte85]

YES! Take back that card! He has absolutely ZERO right to have it. TAKE YOUR CARD BACK.

Do you have access to the monthly statements for that card? It is YOUR card, YOU should be aware of every transaction it is being used for. You should also be up to speed on whatever expenses you have to take care of.

This is a really strange situation, IMO.... it's one thing if he uses it once a month or whatever to help you pay your bills, it's completely another if he takes it and just won't let you have your own card that is linked to your own account with cash from your own hard work.

[BabyGirl]

He is Not your Husband, ( Yet ) Even if he was, he should not Control Your Money !!

You should have Your own Account, He should have His own and then you can be " Joint " on a Household Funds account. I wouldn't go Joint on any Savings acct's, If you saving for a House or Wedding Acct, you could go Joint, but where it takes Both Signatures in Person ( No Cards ) to draw money out.

Sit down , Figure out Bills, and have enough to Cover the Basic's, Rent, Utilities, Food, Insurance and Taxes if home is owned.
Car Payments and Insurance and Repairs are paid by the person Responsible ( Owner of Car ). Your Kids/ His Kids are separate responsibilities. Joint Kids ( Ours ) are Joint responsibility and should be figured into the " Household Funds ".

Get Your Card Back, go to bank, get a New one in a New Account & the Pin # is not known to him. Then, Direct Deposit Your Money into Your Account & then you can Transfer into a Joint Household Acct, when Needed .

Take back Control of your Money. And work from there.

[DreamP346]

Keeping your card is a sign of control. Do you have a spending problem where you have put yourself in debth? If not, there is no need for him to be doing this. Is there any other signs of control in your relationship or is it just money? Please be careful. He is not even your husband yet and is already controlling your access to money. Once married, what will be next? Who you talk to, your friends, family?

[rcoreyus]

Agree with what everyone else has said - he absolutely should not use the card to control you. If you have combined finances, then its fine to agree on a budget, but each of you should live up to that budget as your own responsibility.

The only exception I can think of is if you have already shown that you really cannot use a card responsibly. If when you have access to a card you run it up to a limit that you cannot pay back, then it might be reasonable for you both to agree that he keeps the cards.

[PinkySweet]

That's just a little bit to controlling... My husband and I have a joint bank account with 2 debit cards, one in his name and one in mine. He will never have my debit card unless he for some reason needs to use it because he lost his or if I go insane and try to gamble all our money away lol.

Since were living away from each other right now we both have a set budget for what we get to spend and NEVER touch the savings unless its an emergency. I don't work so I still sometimes ask or let him know when I'm going to spend some money, even though hes told me I don't need to ask. I defiantly think if your making your own money though you need to tell him that you can handle your own money. You aren't even married yet and that very controlling.

Hopefully hes not spending away all your money.