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husband using webcam

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  • husband using webcam

    Ive caught my husband engaging in cybersex and webcamming. He said he would stop and a few months went by until I caught him doing it again. I even posed as an anonymous person online to talk to him and convinced me to meet him - which he did and much to his surprise it was me. He apologized, said he wasnt thinking right, swore up and down again he would not do it again, and gave up his webcam this time. By looking back on his online conversations, he never really talked about meeting any of these people, but he did the one time I set him up. He and I agreed to both go online and be inappropriate, and after about 2 weeks he said he was going to give up his camming - and gave the cam to me. He says he is addicted to doing that online and really truly wanted to stop because it was ruining our marriage.
    Things have been ok since (its been about 2.5 weeks now) but I have lingering thoughts in my head, such as what if he does it again, what if he is hiding another cam somewhere, what if he realyl did meet others online, etc etc. I really want to make things work, but its hard. I went to one counselor but it wasnt helpful and he refuses to go.
    I need help, opinions, and advice. Anyone else gone through this?

  • Put your foot down and tell him its the couples councelor or get out. Tell him he needs to prove that he really is sorry and is making an effort to change his behavior. If he truely does want to do whatever it takes to get your trust back, he should do that much.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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    • Given the fact that he's lied to you before, I would be really hesitant to believe him again too. I can't blame you one bit for still having all these questions and thoughts in your mind. He betrayed your trust, big time. And he's done nothing to prove he's changed other than hand over a webcam. That wouldn't be enough for me, and it doesn't seem like it's enough for you either.

      Time to get tough. He says he wants it to stop because it is ruining the marriage, but so is the mistrust that he caused from his own bad behavior. If you want to go to counseling, it is the LEAST he can do to comply with that. Find a counselor that you like, who you feel helps (it may take more than one try), and insist that he goes with you to prove that he's willing to work on fixing the damange HE caused.

      If he still refuses, that should give you a pretty good indication of just how serious he is about fixing your marriage...

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      • He's a cheater. Yes...it's that simple. The title of your thread should have been "Husband is cheating". Cybersexing with a webcam is cheating. Meeting up with women to do Lord knows what, is cheating. He is living a deceitful life and he is refusing to do anything to ACTUALLY work on fixing it. His words mean nothing because there are no actions. He's "addicted".....that's convenient because then it makes it seem like he has no control over what's he's doing. I call major BS on that. He is clearly not content with a monogamous relationship. But he wants his cake and have it to eat too.

        If he wants to cheat, removing the web cam isn't going to stop that. He'll find other avenues. I don't mean to sound harsh here, but partners such as this one who does things like this, who cheat and lie and betray and then expect you to just get over it and move past it and forgive....they are narcissists....they don't think they should have to follow the same rules as everyone else. They don't truly believe you'll leave them. They don't respect. But they sure can make you feel sorry for them when they need to.

        Just be careful here. As the others have said, if counseling is what YOU need here to attempt at healing, he should be more than willing to accommodate that. If he's not, consider that a pretty good message as to his true feelings for you and his desire to truly save this marriage.
        "Be what you're looking for."

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