Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Fiance wants to spoil me?

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Fiance wants to spoil me?

    It's every girls' dream come true! I'd love to be spoiled lol but for some odd reason, I feel uncomfortable with him buying me everything. He wants to provide everything. We plan on moving with each other soon. I might have to work a little to help out with getting a place and/or affording food, but he pretty much wants to pay for it all. He said in the future I won't have to work, which I'd love! I just feel a little odd about it. I've never had anything really handed to me. He comes from a wealthy family, while mine was broke and always struggling to pay bills. So of course I would love to have money to get what I need or want.
    Is it normal to feel iffy about this? He even wants to hook me up to his debit card so I can have some cash. lol. I would so badly love that, but I feel weird about it.
    Is it normal for boyfriends / fiances / husbands to do this? Sorry I'm really not sure. All the adults in my life had been split up. And my ex was broke and kind of expected me to pay for everything.
    Thanks.
    "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

  • Hi AshB$!!

    Yes, this is normal for some! My fiance is the same way. Completely spoils me and wants to provide for me. However, with my personality, I don't like relying on anyone to provide for me. I still work full time and have a back up plan should anything happen. I would suggest the same for you, I think it's okay if you let him take care of you, but make sure that you aren't 100% reliant on him without a back up plan JUST IN CASE anything should happen. You do not want to be left out in the cold.
    "Look both ways before you cross the street"

    Comment


    • I believe you are right. I've heard many women talk about how they got stuck in a bad marriage because they didn't work and they had no other way to live other than rely on their husbands. I just didn't know how many guys actually liked provided for their women.
      "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

      Comment


      • It is common for a fiance or a husband who has the means to support a SO to do this. It is less common for a bf to do this. With the money comes some loss of freedom, not necessarily a bad thing if the dependency strengthens the relationship.

        Just because he comes from a wealthy family, it does not mean he has direct access to that wealth. What does he do to make money? I would suggest using the freedom from oppressive bills to go to school and make a career for yourself, if you haven't done so already.

        Also, be careful about spending too much of his money. He may be testing you to see if you are reasonably frugal. Frugality is usually necessary to get and stay truly rich, at least at some point. There are many stories about lottery winners who were fabulously wealthy for a while and then were broke again. Being frugal for the rich may include a Mercedes or two, but not "wasting" money on paying the help too much.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


        • I am so frugal. That is why I am so paranoid about spending any of it. lol
          "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

          Comment


          • Sounds like a wonderful person. Like others have already said..you do need to have some purpose in your life other than him. Right now you are very interesting and "vital". But what happens after a couple of years and you have stopped growing- just "sit around" and being "taken care of"? Much of what a man wants in a relationship is a person who is interesting to talk to and has interests of thier own. Working a 9 to 5 may not give him and you that "stimulation" but there are all sorts of other pursuits which will and not challenge his "supporter of his family" status. Higher education; "volunteer work"-though an organization or church, work in some specialty field, etc. These pursuits are not about "money" but they are about your growing and maintaining an "interesting" personality. Just sitting and waiting for him to come home from work is going to leave you "unfulfilled" and eventually resentful of him. Let him know that you "treasure"
            what he is "giving" but that you also need to learn and grow and sitting around the home will not "do" it. Kiss him and let him know you love the "freedom" he is giving you to pursue whatever you want to do....but DO SOMETHING.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by jns View Post
              It is common for a fiance or a husband who has the means to support a SO to do this. It is less common for a bf to do this. With the money comes some loss of freedom, not necessarily a bad thing if the dependency strengthens the relationship.

              Just because he comes from a wealthy family, it does not mean he has direct access to that wealth. What does he do to make money? I would suggest using the freedom from oppressive bills to go to school and make a career for yourself, if you haven't done so already.

              Also, be careful about spending too much of his money. He may be testing you to see if you are reasonably frugal. Frugality is usually necessary to get and stay truly rich, at least at some point. There are many stories about lottery winners who were fabulously wealthy for a while and then were broke again. Being frugal for the rich may include a Mercedes or two, but not "wasting" money on paying the help too much.
              Could not have said it any better!!!
              "Look both ways before you cross the street"

              Comment


              • It will be hard to adjust to, but I'd say like any woman wishing to be in your position to get that cash now! When you're married with children, that will go bye bye. Source: Life experience, sadly

                Comment


                • That's good for you, Yes that's normal, His doing that because he loves you so much.
                  “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

                  ― Mae West

                  Comment


                  • I don't like the idea of you being so dependant of him. I prefer to make some money of my own so I wouldn't be clueless as to what goes on finacialy.

                    Comment


                    • Yeah, he just gave me his debit card. He said he'll put money on it as I need. Which is sweet and all. Just still feel weird. I know he's trying hard to help because I am going through some bad issues at home.
                      As much as I'd love to sit around and sleep all day, I do plan on attending college and working for a bit. (:
                      "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

                      Comment


                      • My fiancee wants to spoil me too, but I'd probably cut off my own hand before I'd condone him buying me stuff all the time, giving me money, supporting me completely.
                        Brutally honest: dependent people DISGUST me. I just want to scream, "HAVE YOU NO PRIDE IN YOURSELF?!"

                        Currently, I don't contribute as much as he does. This bothers me to NO end. I do, however, totally pay for my "things" (car, insurance, cell...), I get groceries and insist of paying when we go out to eat (I see that as "groceries") and put every penny of my check towards "us things" (utilities or whatever else). And I'm always on the hunt for a better job, just because I want to contribute more. I want to be in a place like him--where I can't solely support us both if I had to.
                        I'm surrounded my military spouses who sit at home ALL DAY. The ones who don't have children and STILL sit at home...well, I have nothing even remotely nice to say, so I'm not saying anything at all. I told my fiancee I will NEVER not work. I am an adult, not a child. When we get married, the military may see me as a "dependent," but they're dead wrong
                        The day I feel the need to call him and ask him if I can spend $10 on a book is the day I need a swift, hard kick in my butt. (I use that as an example, because I was out with "a wife" who made us stand in a bookstore for an hour waiting for him to text back to reassure her it was ok to spend his money.) I will earn my OWN money and spend it (reasonably) how I please.
                        I worked retail at one point and had "a wife" come in with a card. I asked if she wanted to run it as credit or debit and she stated credit. She was spending a couple hundred dollars, so I obviously asked for her ID...which she didn't have. So I told her I could not run it as credit, but if she chose to run it as debit and enter the pin, I wouldn't need the ID then. She told me it's her husbands account, he just got her a card with her name, so she doesn't know if it runs as debit. (wtf face here) I had to tell her it could (the card was the same credit union I use so I was familiar with the card). Again, I will never allow myself to be that removed.

                        I LOVE that my fiancee wants to take care of me. That's the kind of person everyone should want to be with...but I don't think it should ever be willingly taken advantage of. You are an adult, his equal, not his child. I think people should act in such a way.
                        Last edited by avvie_88; 06-25-2012, 11:02 PM.

                        Comment

                        or

                        Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                        Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                        Latest Activity On Our Forums

                        Collapse

                        • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                          I think that's the bottom line! Each person/couple should do whatever feels right for them -- even if it is to please the other party, so long as it's...

                          09-15-2020, 10:36 PM By JonnyR
                        • Reply to When to call it quits?

                          It makes perfect sense, though. It might not be fool-proof but really if you find yourself rooting for one side over the other, that kinda tells you exactly...

                          09-15-2020, 09:47 PM By Strega
                        • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                          Aside from keeping a bare bikini line in the summer months, I’ve never felt pressured from a societal standpoint to keep my pubic hair a certain way....

                          09-15-2020, 09:12 PM By Strega
                        • Reply to Letting a friendship fade away

                          Emily D. thanks....

                          09-14-2020, 05:13 PM By atskitty2
                        • Reply to When to call it quits?

                          The guy my friend was dating apparently sensed her disinterest, and asked her if she'd like to continue dating. She avoided the question, and that was...

                          09-14-2020, 05:09 PM By atskitty2

                        Latest Topics On Our Forums

                        Collapse

                        • Letting a friendship fade away

                          Over the past few years, the tone of a friendship of mine has changed. We have a mutual friend, and last week, we finally had an honest chat about how...

                          08-30-2020, 07:41 AM By atskitty2
                        • When to call it quits?

                          It's sometimes difficult to know when to end a romantic relationship, and for what reasons. Dating can be a challenge, and finding someone worth investigating...

                          08-30-2020, 07:14 AM By atskitty2
                        Working...
                        X