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Roles Are TOTALLY Reversed

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  • Roles Are TOTALLY Reversed

    In my relationship, our roles are reversed (if you look at "roles" in the stereotypical sense).

    For example, whenever wedding stuff comes up, my fiancee is the "typical woman". He wants to be married NOW, not later. He wants me in a fancy dress. He's excited to get all dressed up. Etc...
    I, on the other hand, feel no need to be married (aside from the fact that he wants it). I feel married to him anyway. All GETTING married is for me is a piece of paper, supposedly symbolizing what I've already committed to.
    Today, he coyly brought up (AGAIN in our phone call...he's deployed) that the guys at work keep asking him if we set a date (mind you, we've been engaged for nearly a year and a half--which is unheard of for relationships involving someone in the military). After laughing it off the past however many days/times he's mentioned that, I bought into the conversation finally, and we talked about dates. We previous had one set for next spring, but he found out he would be deployed for the month we thought or he'd be in training. So we nixed that idea until we figure out which he'd be doing, then we could plan accordingly.

    He suggested a date in October. I asked, "like in a few months? Or next year?"
    The boy nearly had a conniption over the phone! LOL! All I heard when the words "next year" escaped my mouth was, "Ohhhhh myyyy gooooosh..." Apparently that was the wrong idea. LOL!

    Our families tease us alllll the time about it. And it's always funny when a stranger asks about the date and they assume I'm the one who's annoyed we're not already married. My fiancee quickly corrects them. lol!

    Anyone else have their interest in the wedding "backwards" like ours?

  • We do. My fiance is desperate to get married and make things official. I guess i do but i have family 'issues' so i'm slightly dreading it no-one will be there for me. But he's tried dragging me into bridal shops and i'm like 'nooooooo, let's look for a toilet brush instead!'

    I love him but i do think marriage is pointless. It WILL end in divorce, unless one of us is lucky enough to croak as soon as the novelty starts to wear off. I don't see why we can't just carry on the way we are, we're happy, i love him and i don't want anyone else


    • Haha, I can understand you on the family part. I'll have the family that matters there, but I really have no friends I feel close enough to want there...he has TONS and is a social butterfly. We've agreed on only having family though...just because we don't want the big hoopla. He just wants to be married and I just want it over with so we can carry on with our lives.

      I hate that you see it as it WILL end divorce though :-\ That sucks.
      I believe people CAN stay married...just most people aren't responsible enough with their relationship or care to work hard enough to keep things good.
      Personally, I just think it says more when you're with the person because you want to be instead of having a slip of paper saying you're legally binded til you blow a few hundred dollars to no longer be legally binded. haha


      • My fiance is so ready. He wants it now now now.
        lol But I would rather we wait and plan out a fabulous wedding.
        "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."


        • Guys mostly want it now. Girls are willing to wait to make it special.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • I don't give two shoots about the wedding. If I wouldn't have an immense amount of guilt from our families (and my fiancee), I'd be thrilled if we didn't even have a wedding. I already feel married, so...this is all kind of just more thrown on my plate.
            Nothing to do with being "special" for me. I have who I want which is all that matters.


            • It is reversed for me and my bf. He really wants to get married and he is always saying that he wants me to be his wife and how he should have asked already. But me I am really not into it, same idea that it is just a piece of paper and I love him already so why spend thousands of dollars on a day that really is just for show. I am not a showy person either lol I hate being in crowds and worst of all being the center of attention so me in a dress with all eyes on me is not a good thing...I despise wearing dresses in the first place too. When he does propose I know he is going to be the one that wants to do all the planning though just like your fiance is now. That and he will start to push me to go dress shopping, that will be by myself probably though because I am again not one for shopping or girly things or the "oh my gooossshhhhh that is soooooooo cuuuuutttttteee" reaction that girls do when shopping lol. If I had my way I would only wear a sundress or something just as simple so that I would not have to get all dolled up. He talks about that a lot too, because I am not a showy girl I do not put on any makeup no dresses no dolled up look etc so he keeps saying he wants to see me all done up and in a wedding dress. I would probably give in out of guilt but I would be doing it for him, not me.

              The part that really bothers me about my potential wedding in the future is that I have zero friends...none, not a long time school friend, not a coworker friend, not a University friend...no one. That really makes me not want to have the ceremony because I know his side of the family would all be wondering where my friends are and why there are not more people there...I do not want to deal with a conversation afterwards of them asking why I did not have any friends there. It would just be my mom, dad, brother and sister at my wedding. I have no other long time family friends and we are not a very family oriented group so I am not close with any of my aunts or uncles so it would literally just be me and my immediate family. His side though they are very family oriented so he could probably send invites to 100+ people easily, I have no interest in a big wedding though lol.
              There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.



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