[Melephant]

My first post in a while, apologies.

My fiance and i have a great sex life, we have a one year old who has been very ill but even then we have managed to have a fantastic sex life. i am open to anything with him, there's nothing we haven't tried and seriously, every time after we have sex both of us are like "Oh my God, that was incredible!!" lol and, sometimes i even want to do it again but end up masturbating because, well, he's not 18 anymore so can only manage once, maybe twice a day.

He got really upset a few weeks ago when he found out i fancy the backside off Ben from Desperate Housewives, he actually got a bit weepy in the kitchen when he found out i'd posted a topless picture of him (the actor) on fb and said how hot he was. I honestly didn't think he'd mind, i'm usually the one with jealousy/insecurity issues cos of my past but he did so i offered to take the picture down and haven't done anything like that again.

I've always known -well before we got together- that my fiance has a real thing for porn. He mentioned one time that he likes the idea of spying on people have sex...I had a few months a while back where, as i said, i've been crazy jealous but i really thought i was over it (i've had councelling and even CBT) but last night i found that he'd been watching porn. I didn't get to see what it was (though, he really likes Asian girls and lesbians of course, but i've seen an old dvd featuring 'older' women -i am ten years younger than him) because the page had expired (I also saw some 'barely legal' porn, that really upset me). I thought i'd be ok with him watching porn but i'm not. I feel cheated, like all my efforts have been for nothing.

I am at home all day with my little girl so i must've been in the house, i am RARELY not in the mood for sex. Even so, i'll be up for it the next day so it's not as if he's not getting enough, i've even been ill and had sex with him!

I try my hardest to keep sex fun, i wear the underwear he loves, itchy stockings and suspenders, we try all positions -we've even had anal- it's spontaneous, i masturbate for him, give him oral.. while he was at work and our girl was asleep,i even took the camera into the bathroom and filmed myself in the mirror masturbating and he LOVED it so i don't get why he still feels the need for porn!!

My body's pretty good considering i've had a baby, i have stretchmarks and wobbly bits like everyone else but he says he honestly doesn't mind. I dye my hair different colours all the time so he gets variety, we role play, he knows porn is all fake anyway. I've offered to watch porn with him but we haven't yet.

He's not hiding the fact that he watches porn but last night i asked him how he'd feel if i sat down on our sofa and masturbated while watching Desperate Housewives and he said "Probably suicidal" so i don't see how it's different!

I don't want to be that woman who stops him watching porn. i know it's normal to fantasize -God, do i fantasize about Charles Mesure!- but i don't sit there while my fiance's upstairs and get myself off to him. I just feel hurt cos i make all this effort and he still feels the need. I'm so confused and hurt.

Any advice at all?
Thanks

[Carpe Diem]

I am a totally faithful husband of 30+ years. I love my wife, I find her the sexiest woman I could imagine, and we have great sex (although not quite as often as I'd like). But, hey, I'm a guy, and sometimes I watch porn. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me. You both sound overly insecure and jealous about each other.

[Mes T]

This is a bit of a tough one, and I agree with the above poster that you both seem insecure about one another and a bit hypocritically as well. Men and women both watch porn, and I am sure men and women both fantasize about someone or other on TV. You both seem to be open about it (not hiding the facebook picture, not lying about the porn), and that is absolutely fantastic and not something that a lot of other couples have. I think maybe it would be good to try to analyze why these things make you two so upset. Is he worried you're going to leave him for some actor (fly to LA... camp out his estate.. lol)? And are you worried that he is more attracted to the women in his porn videos than he is to you?