[UnhappyWife]

I have been with my husband for 16 years and married for 14 years. He was 27 and just got done with his second wild fire fighting season. From the time he left home at 18 up to that point, he have never really had a place to call home, didn’t have very many relationships experience and never lived with anyone before, etc… In fact he was about as true of an adventurer as anyone could be. He even put in adventurer as an occupation!
I was immediately attracted to him because he was just so full of life, energetic, and so much fun to be around. We clicked together almost immediately. Not long afterward, he moved in with me and my two kids to try get his life settled down.

It just seems like absolutely nothing have been working out! Even after we have two children of our own! It doesn’t seem to have any phase on him! In fact he just seems to be becoming a worse role model for the kids every year!
He never really had a stable career. He’s always all over the place doing things that he find fun or doing wild fire fighting when season is in. He have got a few real jobs and never lasted long because he simply doesn’t like it!
He doesn’t have any real ambitious or anything at all. He doesn’t even want to buy a new house, drive nice car, make effort to look decent, or anything! Despite of being good about paying bills on time, providing family with money and stuff, he’s downright horrible with his own money!
There’s just so many things he do that really drive me up the wall, especially after years and years of hoping he’d settle down and calm down.

I don’t know what to do any more… Sorry but… I’m just really upset about numerous things. I really want to make this work, but I’m getting so tired of waiting for a result only to see things getting worse over time. How can I get him to see why he needs to change his way?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, welcome to the Forum.

I don't see that he will change his ways, he has to want to change those ways and he's a vagabond, has always been one and will always be one.

He's a free spirit something that you admired in him along time ago. He was 27, never settled down, was loving the freedom of life and all that was in it, still does.

I'm sorry but company and a form of love is about his capability where as you want stability, family life, togetherness in a normal 9 - 5 life with dinner after 6.

It's not that he's changed. You've just given us the complete history of who he was and now who he is, which is the same as who he was

You can't change that hun. You have to accept why you fell for him and try to create some "boundries" ie) work, help with income etc off course, you have children together and your own which he accepted as his own but failing that, you can't change his inner -core of who he is.

[jns]

Guys, in general do not change. There was nothing hidden about him.