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Fiance does't trust me.

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  • Fiance does't trust me.

    He is trying to get a new job and might be working from 10am to 9pm. All day pretty much.
    He asked what'd I'd being doing while he was at work, I say I don't know. Maybe hanging with friends and he freaked out on me.
    He says he can't trust me friends. Cool, whatever. He doesn't have to. I don't trust him.
    Then he proceeded to say "Ashtin, I can't trust you. I can't do this." As he always does. He says he doesn't know what I will be doing while he is working. I could do anything. I said he doesn't have to trust my friends, but he should trust me! He's marrying me!
    But no, he doesn't trust me. He can't. He says he doesn't think he ever will. What have I done to get him to be so untrusting with me? Nothing. I haven't "given him a reason to trust me".
    Then he grabbed at my hand and told me to give him the ring back. I broke down crying. Big fight.
    Later he said he didn't mean to do that and he realizes how awful that was. He didn't want me to bring it up later (which is what I am doing now to him) because he realizes what he's done and it shouldn't be brought back up. He says he did it out of stress and he's scared. Doesn't know what to do, etc.

    It hurts. I am so hurt. This is just....childish. I don't know what to do.....
    "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

  • Ash, I've been keeping up with your Posts and trying to keep my " Motherly Mouth Shut " lol

    You have so much Emotional and Physical ( Health Wise), Trauma and Drama going on in your life right now.
    Your Fiance has the same Problems, meaning Health and also Emotional, Job, Home life, Parents pushing him to become more Independent.

    Lets look at this with Reason.

    1) Neither of you have a Secure and Full time or Permanent Job/ Income.
    2) Neither of you have a Home/ Apartment of your own to live in, both live with parents.
    3) Both have Health Problems that need some very detailed treatment and seemingly long term care .
    It is time to Prioritize things.
    The Wedding, needs to go on the " Back Burner ".
    You are Engaged, that means a " Promise to Wed " it doesn't mean that it has to be Right Away, it's a commitment to spend your Future together.

    What future will either of you have if Neither of you are Healthy? Are you willing to have kids, when either Parent could Pass on in the near future ? His Pancreas ( I believe you said ) issues, your Bulimia, and yes Bulimia can be Deadly.

    If you Married today. Where would you Both Live, His parents, Your Parents, In a Car as he said he would if needed ?
    How would you support yourselves or each other ?

    If you became Pregnant now... You cannot Throw up the Food that Fetus Child needs to Survive, You have to eat Healthy, give it and yourself the Nutrition that is needs to Develop. And 9 months goes by Fast, how will you Support the Child ?

    So, here's the Deal. Stay Engaged, get on the Healthy Side, Both of you, get on the Financial Stable side, Both of You. Get a Place together that you can both live in without worry of being Thrown out.

    This may take a good Year or more.
    Have access/ insurance to Medical care for emergencies and a possible pregnancy. Save for the " Wedding " you have always dreamed of. Or get married by the Judge ( about $50 plus the $45 for the License) here in Washington State.

    It sounds like you love him and he loves you,
    But to me ( Mom of a 37,32,25,22 year olds ) You are or want the Maturity of a Wife and Mother, but are unwilling or not Realizing, that that is not accomplished by a piece of Paper called a " Marriage Certificate ".

    It is also Not Accomplished by not " Loving " Yourself before Loving others. It is not " until I throw up" or his "Until I eat the wrong things that I know can cause a problem health wise " and more Medical bills and loss of Job Income.

    Am I being Harsh ? Probably, because I have, as many others here have , Lived through the Wrong Choices while " Growing Up ".
    And most of us learned the Hard Way. We didn't have Internet or WH. We only had the " Old Folks Wisdom" and our Wild Peers in the Same Situation of " trying to Grow up " .

    The " Fight " you two had is Pressure, Pressure you both fight back at and On ..

    It may be time to Calm down take a Deep Breath and put No Demands on each other. Go back and read all of your posts, read all of your Concerns. Read all of your Replies to all of the other subjects you have helped with.

    Be proud he has a Job, that he may be able to Support himself. Not sleep in a Car, because his parents are throwing him out .

    Now you get out, go to school/college/ temp/jobs or schooling. Have as a Busy of a Day as he does. Hanging out with Friends, to him, may be what his parents said to him about you !!! And that may be Sad, but it just may be the Case. 8 in their Minds ** that he isn't motivated because of his " Fiance "

    And most important here . Is building a Love out of Loving Oneself enough to Share it .


    • What BG said. When you are young, you think everything will work out and love is enough. It isn't. You also need health and money. Pursue your dreams, but don't try to realize them before everything is in place.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


      • I said he doesn't have to trust my friends, but he should trust me! He's marrying me!
        Didn't you just say in the couple sentences prior that you don't trust him? What's the difference?

        Lack of trust on either side, will never ever in this lifetime make for a good relationship. I state few things so matter of factly, so black and white... but this is one I believe IS black and white. No trust = no good relationship. Period.
        "Be what you're looking for."


        • I do trust him. I don't trust his friends. All I've told him is I don't trust him when he says he'll never try to leave again. Cuz it always happens even if he "promised" it won't.
          "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."



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