[Jayz]

My husband and I been together for 22 years and married 16 we never had the opener unity to have a family together we tried ivf which never worked, I have two sons from a previous marriage, he said he needs a family so moved out I am devasted and don't know if I should wait for him.
He called in last night he told me he's stressed and need space he's asked me to give him a couple of days. He said he's been having suicidal thoughts which worries me he's staying with a mate but I don't know where
I'm devasted and confused I always felt like his soul mate and he's broken it Can't stop thinking what's he doing what's he up to and it's scares me that I've lost my man

[Jayz]

Yes last weekend

[LittlePip]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's very hurtful when someone makes a unilateral decision to end things without warning. I'm sure he just needs that space, you are obviously very supportive and as soon as he's ready to receive that support he'll be open to you again. It's lovely to hear of people who have come so far in this day and age with their relationship, I hope you can repair your special bond.

[Buttercup80]

At this moment I know you are hurt but to save the situation I suggest you be his best friend. Talk to him politely that you have always been there and tried your best to have kids together,but it is not the end of the world. You can feel wht he is going through and there are still ways like surrogacy that you both can have kids together. Life is too short to end a long relationship like this. Convince him to accompany you to go and see a doctor and look for a way out. Its not being mature to act like this. Its never the end of the world unless you dont give up.
1.Try to find out where he is.
2.Tell him you are with him in this and have always been.
3.U both have to think as mature adults about a common solution together.

Im sure a solution will come up. All the best sweetie.

[Hugo-B]

I suspect he's trying to ascertain whether or not he is infertile. You obviously aren't if you already have 2 children.

He probably feels totally emasculated by this fact (even if it is not a fact he has probably concluded that it is). I actually don't think I can have children, which hasn't become a problem yet because I've never wanted them, but we've all seen how deeply this can affect the men and women who do.

I suspect this is more about him right now than you. Are you aware of him ever having a sperm count or anything like that?

[Jayz]

Husband moved out after 22 years

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's very hurtful when someone makes a unilateral decision to end things without warning. I'm sure he just needs that space, you are obviously very supportive and as soon as he's ready to receive that support he'll be open to you again. It's lovely to hear of people who have come so far in this day and age with their relationship, I hope you can repair your special bond.

Thank you for your reply it's so hard the children are from my previous marraige and it my fault we can't have children in the past Ive had two eptooics and lost a baby at 5 months I wanted to keep try but he didn't he sed he didn't want to feel that pain again 10 years ago his sperm count was fine. I would love to have him back and hopefully we will, I don't know how strong his love is for me, I've offered help and he's refused. He sent a message this morning asking if I'm ok I replied yes but not heard from him since I'm now at home upset and confused

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jayz..

But the boys are his children? 22 Years together, 16 married, he's in his 40's? You take on a wife, you take on the children as your own. He's had all those years with those boys I don't understand why he feels as if he's been cheated on that either for that reason as well as all you have tried yourself, it's not the end of the World, you are right, love should conquer.

Maybe he can get involved in an orphanage, or both of you and love the little ones that have no parents...

[Jayz]

Yes he has been like a father to th boys over the years, but they have the own lives with children of their own, they don't live near so don't see them as often as we should . We seem to b making some progress, I want him home now but he's saying he still needs time apart to try and save our marriage he wants to get thought of not having his own children out of his mind and ensure he's 100% for me what do I do WAIT ? He calls in we talk and hug he says let's take little steps c how we go.

[Hugo-B]

Sorry OP, I completely misinterpreted the original post.

What CW says, and good luck x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jayz.....

what do I do WAIT ?

In my opinion ? NO.. You tell him, go, do what you want, I may not be here by the time you decide.

I think he is being selfish really. He has had 2 little boys, that now have children which makes him a grandfather. He could find a way for you both to spend some time with those grandchildren if he wanted to, there is always a way.

He is being selfish, keeping you on egg shells.. Do you have any reason to suspect that he may actually have someone in mind? ie) Met someone else?

I see red flags when I see, "let's take little steps see how we go" .. Just gives a hug and out the door.

To me, that says, " I'll pacify her, make her feel like it's her fault, wait until she slowly gets used to the idea, then I can walk " ....

Sorry, that is how I see it.. And, right or wrong, you are letting him win and have everything his way with this, including making you feel guilty as if it is your fault and you have to sit back and wait.

If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they are yours if they don't they never were.

You have a life too and deserve happiness and to be loved for you, who you are not whether or not you can produce more children and not after all these years be hit with that as an excuse to walk.