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I want to get away.

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  • I want to get away.

    Ok. I am 22 years old. My husband is 21. And we have one son together. Back in 2010, he was arrested for domestic assault a against me. He used a title 40 which as long as you do what the court says, you can get it expunged after. Well he did, and we fought alot after. I had forgivin him. Last sunday, he and I got into another argument and fight. I ended up with a bald spot, a bite mark, and smelling of the beer he poured on me. Again he was arrested for domestic assault. The truth is I want to be done. He seems to think if I would go in and say it was all rough sex, that they would buy it. I am done. I want to leave him. We have been, together for 5 years, actually married 1, and I am done. I dont know how to tell him. Please help.

  • Call the police and tell them he's attempting to coerce you into lying to cover his abusive actions. I've had plenty of rough sex and my GF has never ended up with a bald spot.

    He won't change any time soon either, you owe it to your son to get away from this tool, quick sharp.
    "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]


    • I guess it's hoping too much to hope this can just end quietly, quickly, him just let me go, we share custody and what's his is his, and what's mine is mine. Too many emotional attachments with him. He was my first lover, my first boyfriend, my first husband, my son's father. Sucks alot when heart and head are screaming back and forth.


      • You need to devise an exit strategy and support network which will enable you to sustain your independence whilst you're away from him. Don't let your fear of him - and being alone - cause you to conjure up rationalizations which will dissuade you from following through with your intentions of leaving him.
        "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]


        • I understand you were only a teenager when you met, he was your first everything, but do you sincerely think, that means "is everything" ? He has issues, your son sees what is going on right? Is this what you want for your son?

          And, just as importantly, your gut feeling is right, this is not the way any man treats a woman, you should be done. What if next time he goes even further? What if your son never has a Mother, you...

          When things seems so hard, so complicated, doubts come into your mind. Go and tell the "truth" to your parents of what occured and ask them to help you with advice and in taking you and your son in for a while, whilst you sort through this.


          • From someone that has been in a violent relationship, you really need to get out of this one. Do you have any close friends or family that would help you? You owe it to yourself and your son to get away from this man who obviously doesn't love you. It was that, that took me ages to work out. When you are sorted, settled and fall in love with someone decent, you realize how toxic this relationship actually is. You could end up seriously hurt or even worse. Try and keep calm and work out in your own mind an exit strategy. There are lots of organizations that can help nowadays. My tormenter moved me into the middle of nowhere with no friends or family around and it is hard to get away. Given the history, the police should be able to help or refer you to someone who can. Good luck. Hugs xx


            • I agree with everyone here, you need to leave him. I was in your situation when I was 18/19 years old. The first time he put his hands on me I left him, that was my first real relationship with someone. A week after I left him I found out I was pregnant so I took him back. Things did NOT change he continued to abusive me physically, verbally and was out cheating on me which I cought him sleeping with my so called best friend. Not only that he gave me an STD. I finally decided to leave him when I was 5 months, I decided I was going to raise our child without him. I was in Germany at the time so I did not have family nor real friends to help me get trough it all. I left him and he started seeing another girl who worked with us which was a real hearbreaker for me but I knew the relationship I had with him was not healthy for me and the baby. I finally left Germany moved to GA got settled there, it was hard at first but you know what? I look back at things now and I don't regret leaving him one bit. I'm glad I got away from him and his abusiveness because my son would be the one to suffer in the long run. You have to look out for you and your child. Yes it's going to be hard at first but like chezwylde said there is plenty of organizations out there that will help you and your son. Please don't lie or cover up for him it's not worth it, it might be worse next time.


              • Understand that the bonding that you are trying to throw off is due to brain chemicals. It is not the heart per se, but the reaction seems to come from the chest. When you try to break the bonding, the resulting chemical balance makes you feel depressed. When you come back together, you get a release of chemicals that make you feel good to giddy or euphoric. This is why the breaking of bonds can be so difficult.

                He laid his hands on you like he has done in the past. The thinking part of your brain knows that this situation is unhealthy and that you have to leave, but the bonding makes it difficult. You have to resolve to get away from him and make your action stick, no matter what he does to try to get you back. I would suggest moving far away and leaving no trail, such as phone calls. Once you have fully broken the cycle of bonding, then put in the papers for divorce. Don't tell him; act.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia



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