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do i need to be worried?

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  • do i need to be worried?

    This is my 1st time ever posting about my marriage ..I've found my husband going on dating websites and flirting with women on fb..I wasn't really worried about it at first until he stole my roomates cc to pay for a dating website. He 1st lied to me about it and said it was an accident ..then he claimed he didn't do thos..then my roommate received a bill on his cc for that dating website but it had been refunded ..my main concern is I'm worried that he's wanting to cheat or nor be with me..what should I do ..he tells me that he loves me and that he would never date or leave me for a woman on these type of dating website ..but then to be telling his old friends that ate females that he use to have a crush on them..I'm really worried ..am I able to trust him? He tells me yes but then I keep finding him signing up for more dating websites ..sorry so long..please help...

  • I would find his going on dating websites and confessing old crushes to be suspicious, too. Then he uses your roommate's credit card? Hmmm.

    What is the situation of your household? Having others live at the same place can make it hard to be intimate unless the areas are not connected. Is there a loss of intimacy in your relationship with him due to privacy issues? Is there anything else that would give him an excuse to look elsewhere?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • He's acting very shady. You've already caught him getting flirty online, then he actually STEALS your roommate's CC to join a dating site (that's fraud by the way)? Then he feeds you some line of **************** to try and cover it up?

      You should be VERY concerned about this behavior. He's lying and getting about as close to cheating as he possibly can. It seems he keeps escalating the bad behavior as well. First it was just a few flirty messages on facebook - now he's stealing a credit card to pay for a membership to a dating site?? People don't pay for dating site memberships to "flirt" - I would honestly be concerned that he's going to cheat (if he hasn't already).

      You need to sit him down and talk to him. He needs to understand that his behavior is not acceptable for a married man. Knock of the dating sites, knock of the flirty, and don't EVER steal a CC again. He should respect you enough to never do anything like this again.


      • Words are words, as much as I hate snooping, when you know something is wrong it is in your interest to snoop and not trust the words spoken to you.

        You need to assess your relationship and do a pros and cons list. Ascertain honestly and objectively where it is at, is it all roses? Or are there things missing because things can be saved. If he is looking at dating sites, he is either a player or you two are missing something or alot in your relationship.



        • Emotional Cheating is as bad or worse than physical cheating. If nothing else, he IS an emotional cheater, right now, today. Whether or not that escalates to physical cheating has yet to be determined.

          Yes, you should be concerned...seriously concerned as he has already lied about his activities.

          As for having a "roommate" living with you and your husband, that's another discussion for another day...and oh by the way, it rarely works well for any of you.


          • Its funny because I have told him I got advice from others and he says its none of there business and that believe what u want to believe. Are they dr.s?? Hmm..really quick to jump and blame others ..and he keeps telling me its just a joke..and the real funny thing is they ate here


            • I started crying when I read these response 's..I went to him and told him I got advice and he got really mad saying it wasn't anyone's business and "so u got me all figured out.I started crying telling him that it really hurt me that he would even tell 2 old friends (girls ) that he had crushes on them (use to have) he has also been telling me "Vanessa u may love me,but u don't like me" I replie that I am in love with him and that I could never tell an old crush that I use to..I do love my husband and I would never do that to his heart ..I don't know what to do..he also tells me that those dating websites are ads from adult videos ..what should I do..he told me that if I was unhappy to leave him..then I said fine..then he makes me feel guilty and like rejected ..thanks for the replies I trust in god..


              • It almost sounds like he wants you to leave. He is being a real a-hole and instead of being sorry about it, he is making you feel bad and is pushing you away. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate this relationship
                Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


                • He is laying a major guilt trip on you. He's trying to make YOU feel bad for HIS bad behavior/decisions. That is not fair, and it's not right.

                  I just can't even fathom where he came up with that argument. You go to him, pouring your heart out explaining how his flirting with ex's and online dating site stuff is hurtful, and his response is "you don't like me! maybe you should leave" W. T. F.

                  This seemed like a simple fix at first. He's behaving badly, you ask him to stop, he stops, the end. But now I'm not so sure... You might want to consider counseling, at least for you so you can figure out how best to deal with this guy (whether that's approaching him a different way, or finding out he's not the man you thought he was and preparing to leave).



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