[HadEnough]

Like it wasn't bad enough growing up with a mother who has BPD, I had to choose to fall in love with an abusive liar. So now at 33 I'm reminded daily about how I am a piece of s****** and don't amount to anything and that my mother should have swallowed the lo**** or let it run down her leg. How wonderful coming from a man whom I decided and planned to have a child with. Who didn't turn this way until I became pregnant which is what "he" wanted. I know I say hurtful things at times and am far from being perfect but where do you draw a line. I have allowed myself to become unemployed and pretty much worthless due to the mental anxiety of this relationship now I have no means of escape. I hate life and everything with it and wish that my mother had aborted me when she had the opportunity. Why bring a child into the world unwanted anyway that is a cruel b!t**** to do so. The only thing keeping me here is my kids and h******. What good am I to them when all I do is hate life? They deserve better and a wonder if they wouldn't be better off with someone else. I don't want them growing up hating me.

[PinkySweet]

My mother was with a abusive man. No job, no car but she got away. So theres no excuse for staying in a abusive relationship most specially if its bad enough that your "Sick of life."

Theres a lot of womens shelters out there where you can bring your children and they'll help you and Im pretty sure theres advice hotlines for things like this, do your research(google) and don't became a woman who just stays.

I also just want to say, not having a job doesn't mean your worthless. You could always apply to some places.

[JennieBottle]

The most important thing you need to accept is that you are an amazing person. And there are people in this world who will see that and acknowledge it as well. But first you must remove yourself from the people who do you harm. Physically, mentally, or etc., These feelings you are having about being useless, they're just thoughts derived from a negative culture. They, in fact, hold no valid ground. You are not useless. You have the power to not be unemployed. You have the power to kick your partner to the curb and to tell him to never talk to you again. You have the power to raise your children in a world filled with optimism. It is good that you are reaching out on the internet. There are some great support groups out there where you can get some REAL help. A guide to help you through each phase of turning your life around! And it's worth it. For you to be happy, it is most definitely worth it.

I was in an abusive relationship. The first love of my life turned out to be a monster. He did things that I don't even want to bring up in here. But I made it out alive. It wasn't easy and it took me a long time to heal. But I reached out and I found friends who could relate with me. And I put them in my life and I kicked him out. I went from wanting to end it all to being a strong and independent woman.

HadEnough, if you need someone to speak with I am here! And so are all of us here on these boards! I send you my love.

[Claret]

How badly do you want to start over? Often times we teach people how to treat us. If all we've ever known is being degraded and abused, we can give off the impression that that's how we should be treated. You can change this. You can teach people that you and your children can and will be treated with respect and consideration. You can start with your husband. Each and every time he say's something hurtful you can reply in a calm voice, "I am not a piece of ****, and you will not talk to me in this manner." Do not raise your own voice and don't escalate anythingthing. You can say this to yourself whenever you want to and whenever you need to. You can also tell yourself that you need more, your children need more and you deserve more and your children deserve more. Look to see what jobs you can take on and do that would allow you to put your children in daycare (subsidized perhaps) and allow you to move on.
The baggage you are living with now is affecting your children whether you realize it or not. They may not be old enough to verbalize their thoughts and fears but you should be able to tell by their actions. They may cringe when voices become loud, etc. They deserve more, you deserve more.
I've been there, I survived, and I gave my children a better life. We didn't have as much money, but we didn't have the arguments and we didn't have the emotional and physical abuse either. It's worth it.