[Blondie1989]

He sprung it on me a few weeks ago, I've tried to compromise with him saying that while I try to get used to the idea can he please tone it down a bit, but he keeps forcing it on me. I've told him if he gives me time to get used to it I'll be more comfortable with it but it escalates every day, from wearing thongs then painting his nails, putting fake tan on wearing suspenders etc aswell. He also wants to wear it while having sex but doesn't seem to understand that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough if he has to wear this to make him enjoy sex more. I feel like I have noone to talk to about this because he won't tell anyone except me because he's embarrassed, and I can't talk to him because he basically says that this is how it has to be, I've tried to compromise with him and he agrees but then the next day forces it on me even more, to the point where he walked out last night because I wouldn't let him take my favourite underwear for himself. Really don't know what to do

[Hugo-B]

My best friend like wearing women's underwear, he's a big macho type of guy and not the kind of person you would suspect would like doing that kind of thing. It's not something that has ever appealed to me, and I can see how it could make a woman uncomfortable since many find a request like this quite strange. I don't think as a fetish it is so uncommon - it's just that it is one of those things that many men prefer to keep to themselves - so it may well be that your partner is very sensitive about this yet has chosen to share this with you despite that.

I think the biggest issue here is how this makes YOU feel. You have not expressed any disgust at him enjoying wearing your underwear (my experience is that woman LOVE dressing men up and putting make up etc on them), the biggest problem is that you feel you are inadequate because he needs to wear your underwear in order to enjoy sex and derive erotic pleasure.

I've similar complaints from girls since I have a shoe fetish - I like girls to be wearing their shoes and underwear whilst we have sex - to the point if we'd been jogging or something I'd make my ex leave her sneakers on whilst we had sex. I've had a couple of girls complaining that "I should want to have sex with them naked". My last GF just completely accepted this and couldn't have been more accommodating, in a year I think we had sex with her completely maybe once or twice. Me wanting her to dress up like that was nothing to do with her not being good enough - according to that logic technically no woman is good enough for me unless she's wearing underwear and stilettos - and that's no true. Your partner will take this fetish with him wherever he goes. He loves you and wants to have sex with you, whilst wearing your underwear, not anyone else's. It just seems a lot of men find it very erotic wearing women's underwear, I love it myself but on the woman, it's an essential component of my sex life too.

I think people have two attitudes towards people and their fetishes: they'll try and accommodate them as much as they can and enjoy assisting and accompanying their partner in deriving as much sexual pleasure as possible, or they'll resist them, especially if they feel uncomfortable about them, and there is no shame in that.

I know it can take a while to get used to things like this, If you genuinely believe your partner loves you and that this isn't part of anything more sinister, the I think you need to accept him as he is, he didn't ask to be born with this fetish, and we all know you just can't simply switch these things off either. I would try and bargain with him, laying out certain parameters within which you're comfortable with this kind of thing. Perhaps set aside an evening when you can have sex together and he's allowed to dress up how he likes with free-reign and you two can have sex.

[Blondie1989]

My problem is I don't think he can put me before this, his attitude is that he wants to do this all the time, I've tried to compromise with him but there's no budging with him. This comes first with him in our relationship, not me.

[Hugo-B]

Do you think he's a transvestite? I mean as opposed to simply having a fetish for wearing women's underwear? If that is the case - and I wanted to rule out the possibility of the underwear fetish first - then you need to sit down with him and do some straight talking with him.

When did this emerge, is it something recent, or something you think he may have been repressing which has gradually started creeping towards the surface over the years?

[JennieBottle]

What could be sinister about wearing ladies underwear?

[Hugo-B]

What could be sinister about wearing ladies underwear?

You're right, sinister was the wrong word, what I meant was part of something more deep rooted than an underwear fetish, like gender confusion perhaps.

I don't think a man wearing a woman's underwear for sexual pleasure is sinister.

[DreamP346]

Fetishes are not an issue unless it becomes a problem. It has obviously become a problem in your relationship as it seems you have become second to the fetish. Understand that this is probably his identify. Image telling a partner they have to stop being assertive in life if that is their personality. It would be extremely difficult and probably hurtful. Similarly, telling your boyfriend to stop or even curb his desire is like telling a person to give up or tone down their personality. He probably doesn't have the stregth, desire or ability to do it.

So you need to ask yourself if you can live with this behavior. Being interested in women's clothing does not necessarily mean gender identify issues. There are plenty of heterosexual men who behave socially "masculine" in public but enjoy dressing up occassionally or in private. You either have to accept it or move on. You can talk to your bf about setting boundaries (don't just say "let me ease into it"). They have to be concrete. For example, no wearing your underware, he has to get his own. No visible women's clothing while in publice. etc

[brunettebabe]

It really weird that he does that. That's all I have to say.

[JennieBottle]

There's nothing weird about it at all in my opinion. There is no mandated law that says a man has to wear underwear that a store or someone tells him is for men. Same for women. Who get away with cross-dressing and never get any flack for it at all. And they shouldn't. It seems that when men do it they have to grieve more for it. How is wearing women's underwear harming other people? It doesn't harm anyone at all. If he likes it then good for him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There's nothing weird about it at all in my opinion. There is no mandated law that says a man has to wear underwear that a store or someone tells him is for men. Same for women. Who get away with cross-dressing and never get any flack for it at all. And they shouldn't. It seems that when men do it they have to grieve more for it. How is wearing women's underwear harming other people? It doesn't harm anyone at all. If he likes it then good for him.

I've tried to compromise with him and he agrees but then the next day forces it on me even more, to the point where he walked out last night

I am sorry, in my opinion I totally disagree and agree with BB.. It is harming someone, the OP.. This is not just about his cross dressing, or his desires, or his selfishness of not compromising. This goes deeper, he is forcing what he wants on the OP.

And, he won't tell anyone else, but forces it on her, in her words.

Therefore, this is not a relationship at all, unless he accepts that she is trying to compromise, has requested time and stops forcing it on her.

Frankly, that doesn't constitute a relationship at all.