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makes comments about other women doens't bother me.

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  • makes comments about other women doens't bother me.

    It's true. My fiance and I have a very trusting, relaxed relationship. We both hang out with the opposite sex whether it be together or separate. I trust him, and he trusts me. I am an extremely secure female (though, I do have my days like all women!), so it doesn't bother me when he makes comments about other women. He doesn't get lewd or go on and on about them, he'll say something like, "did you see her? she's really pretty!" or "I love that dress on her!" or refer to other women as attractive. I know that just because he thinks they're attractive, doesn't mean he's going to leave me and want to have sex with them. There are many times I even make mention of a girl and say how hot she was. I also will notice guys right in front of him too. We are both fine with it. While it doesn't bother me, it does bother our friends. One friend thinks lower of him because he notices other females. SHe doesn't believe when I say it doesn't bother me. We are the kind of couple who wants to introduce another couple in our mix (no lectures or warnings about this please. I've heard it all, and we are very aware of the potential risks and jealousy on both sides). We just haven't found the right couple. I know our relationship is "abnormal." We both enjoy a strip club from time to time and watching porn together. Should I ask him not to talk about other women when we're out with friends? I don't feel like we should have to change who we are when we're out with people, but it's also a big part of our life and relationship that other people don't understand.

    Note: don't get me wrong, there are days where I feel less secure, and when that happens, I will ask him not to talk about other women - which he is good about being sensitive towards my needs, so he won't mention other women.

    My question is: is this something we should censor while we're out...or do we need to get new friends?
    "Look both ways before you cross the street"

  • Also, I do not mean to allude that if a woman doesn't like her SO making comments about other women then that means she's insecure! I know it's all about personal preference and the guy's history. Sorry, I just wanted to clarify that and not offend anyong!
    "Look both ways before you cross the street"

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    • If comments from other people bother you then try to tone it down in front of other people. If you don't care what other people think or do, then just continue. You guys are looking at living an alternative lifestyle. You either have to get used to other people's comments or become more discreet. Of course, other people who also live alternative lifestyles will not comment of find anything odd with your behavior, so you may be able to be yourselves in front of those people
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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      • Originally posted by asiangrace View Post
        My question is: is this something we should censor while we're out...or do we need to get new friends?
        I think that unless you get too much attitude from your friends, you shouldn't change a thing.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


        • I think the most important aspect is whether or not YOU are comfortable with it. If you are, then your friends can just relax. As a woman that is insecure much of the time, my resolve couldn't tolerate that kind of talk ... so if someone elses boyfriend/husband was doing that I would feel empathy for the woman thinking she must be as hurt as I would be.

          I think your friends reactions are just a mirror of how THEY would feel if their man was behaving similiarly... they fail to understand that it doesn't bother you, doesn't hurt you.. so their sympathy is not necessary that you are completely okay with it.

          This behavior though, could make others uncomforable if he is voicing his appreciation of a woman that is within an earshot/birds eyeview of his 'appreciation'. It can make a woman feel really awkward when an attached man compliments or pays attention to her in the company of his gf/wife... again its that empathy thing... thinking "i wouldnt like to be in her shoes" so it just makes people feel uncomfortable.

          I have a dear friend that like you, has no problem with this.. she's in a healthy happy secure relationship and good on her and good on you. Different people are affected differenly in different situations and it all comes down to respect. A lot of people view this type of situation as disrespectful in public situations, but if they are your good friends, you should be able to let them in on the part that its really okay with, REALLY... and they need not take it so personal.

          I'm not naive enough to think I am the only thing my man see's or thinks about, but for me personally, knowing that is enough.. i don't need the verbal reminders of everything that catches his eye. To me, I've never seen the benefit in it. Okay, you think she's hot, what you want a cookie? Should you go tell her and be the 80th man today to do so, surely she is in need of your approval of her, or I'm in need of knowledge of your approval of her.. so can we all just move on now? To me it is just pointless.

          My definition of respect has to do with my own bounderies and him staying on the good side of them. If your bounderies are broad, this is really not a case of whats right and wrong for others... but what makes you happy and comfortable and if this is not an issue of respect for you, it shouldnt be for your friends either.. when it comes to you.
          Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

          Comment


          • My bf and i are cool with comments. Though i am shy to mention any hot guys infront of him and i don't spot many when i'm with him i'm too busy looking at him, haha. But i'd just say around those friends it annoys just whisper or try to bite your tongue...It's like if you had a friend offended with swearing. You're not changing yourself, you're just respecting their boundaries. I don't think it means you need new friends or you should stop or your insane or anything.
            Everything is ok so long as no one gets hurt. In this case you're upsetting your friend, so just be accomodating around her. You're ok with it. You're bf is ok with it. Then its ok with you guys!

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