[nyame]

i dated my first boy friend for two year in 1996 and i was so much inlove with him, he was my world and am still in love with him. we seperated after two years and got married to different people. a year after he regreted the seperation and me to because we were still in love with each other.

its been 13 years since we seperated and find ourselves in different arms but still in love with each other. unfortunatly for me i have never been happy in my marrage of 11 years, my husband cheats and abuses me but sometimes he tries to be good. my ex and i still love each other and spend more time on phone and facebook.

i always wish am married to him and he also wish he is by my side all the time. We care about poeple around us, our spouse and kids we dont wont to offend them.

i need advice, i need help

[kj3278]

If you aren't happy in your marraige and your husband cheats and abuses you, why stay? If you can be happy and are in love with someone else, why stay with someone who cheats? or abuses you? No one deserves to be treated that way.

[lavi]

Hi,
As you said your husband cheats on you, abuses you, and there is someone who loves you & you also love him then why stay in an abusive relationship? Not many people gets a second chance..but you also have to think about your children, then take any decision.
tc

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Often people stay for their children or they believe Marriage is forever, either way, they stay. Yet, by doing so, they live a life of total un-happiness, day in and day out and accept all that is dished out to them. They feel un-attractive, depressed and they turn to someone, anything for comfort, yet they remain in this loveless, abusive situation.

One day, they get attention from someone who tells them they are beautiful and smart...And, they go back to when they were happy in their mind and remember it, really well... Then they start having doubts about where they are at and they start resenting the person whoms hand is creating those doubts and then they see very clearly.

The fact you are writing this, forget the boyfriend, means you are heading to this stage...

Don't be frightened of what anyone would say if you left the marriage, the truth is most of them know you haven't been happy for a long time and alot will be your ears and give you the support you need...

For now you need to understand that your past was needed to go back to, to reflect your present..it is not a ticket to go back to your past, yet.. It's a ticket to get out of your present so you have a better future what ever that future holds and whether this past boyfriend ends up in it again....

[manners]

Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with. A commentment is a commentment. Children deserve a happy stable life. Broken homes are hard to deal with, for everyone. The children didn't ask to be born, they were created by two people. And those two people should raise and take care of them. Why did you part ways? I mean, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. If your husband if abusive get the heck away from him. But running to an old flames arms isn't the way to go. Two wrongs doesn't make right. Happiness is a state of mind. Nothing or no one outside of your self is going to make you happy. Happy is something you decide to be. Trust me, I've learned this the hard way. I ran from one bad marriage, right into another one. I didn't have kids the first time around, but I do now. I'd go through what ever hell I have to for her. I didn't have a stable childhood. My parents were married numberous times each. I still hear mom talking about her old high school sweetheart that got away. It would have been the same if she would have married him, she would have had a different memory of a diffent person who if she would have married him, all would be great. The way I see it, nothing and no one is perfect. The newness always wears away. True colors come out. Everyone is always on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. Everything changes, time changes everything. If you are turning to a first old lover, you are just seeking the feeling you had back then. It's not necessarily how you're going to feel about him in a few months from now when the newness of that relationship wears off. Every fire needs kindling to keep burning, same with a marriage. It eventually burns down and the flame goes out if you don't keep it fueled. And you find yourself with ex's and step families and all the head aches to go with it. Is it worth it for a few months of pleasure? That's up to you. There's always a choice. But it takes two people to make a marriage work. Don't let anyone bully you or run you over. If he's abusive and screwing around, and confrontation isn't an option. I'd be looking for an exit too. Just sayin, old flames isn't always the way to go. You probably ended up parting ways for a reason.