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caught husband masturbating this morning

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  • caught husband masturbating this morning

    Married 10yrs. 3 kids. We have had major problems, and have tried to make it work.
    We went through a trial separation, due to his binge drinking and my fear of him hurting me, but he wanted to try again. I put in 100%, because its useless otherwise, but he seems to be holding back a lot. Intimacy comes and goes, but its been 3 weeks.
    I know there is the whole 'I'm horny and cannot approach my wife' deal that would stem from these marital problems we have had. I get that, and to be honest, I feel the same way.
    But how do I act with him when he comes home? It hurts that he left me in bed to sneak off to do this. After finding a couple of DVD's, I realize he still has libido, just not one I am part of.
    All I can see is two outcomes......ignore it and pretend it never happened, or fight intensely about feelings, etc. Hes not a share-your-feelings-calmly sort of man. Actually hes become very over discussing us in any way.
    Does anyone have an alternative to the options I have?

  • I am not clear what you are saying. Are you upset that your husband masturbates at all or that he masturbates instead of having sex with you? Those are 2 different issues. Many people, even those with partners, masturbates. There is nothing wrong with it as long as he is still taking care of you.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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    • Its that hes not having sex with me. I am okay with masturbation, but if he masturbates in the morning, he cannot come again that day or possibly the next. Just before we got back together, he spent the night and I thought he was really feeling it, but he couldnt finish as he had used up his quota that morning, on his own. I was understanding about it but it took away the joy of reuniting, big time. His sex drive is low. Generally twice a week is our best. And the fact that I am trying to give 100% to our relationship, and that he is taking the possibility of sex away from me, is the crushing part. I told him I am okay with him masturbating. But it does hurt and make me feel so unwanted. He does so much without me, and I cant find a way to explain that I want him without him instantly getting defensive and thinking I am accusing him of being a bad person. For example, I had a migraine yesterday and he found me on the bathroom floor after I'd vomited, and angrily asked if I was like that because I found him w************ing!?? I told him I was sick and he stormed out. It wasnt til late that he approached me and spoke nicely to me. He is on anti-depressants, and I know when he forgets to take them, he turns into a bear with a splinter. But its tiresome trying to keep the peace and trying not to let my needs being ignored weigh me down.
      I think having sex with each other would help strenghten the bond between us, but how do we keep it interesting enough to want to turn to each other for satisfaction? And he is tired all the time. Leaves at 4am, back by 3pm but after our kids are asleep, hes ready for lights out too. There doesnt seem to be time for fun, and he usually wants something on the weekend, which is ok, but I am bored with the routine. Anyway, Ive read a few posts here and its kind of reassuring to know that this seems kind of normal. I just have no one to talk to about this, as it is too personal to air to friends. And its been a heavy struggle of late, to keep this facade up of coping. And not showing that my heart is being ripped to shreds. Thanks for taking the time to listen. Any ideas on how to be spontaneous with 3 young girls in the house, would be appreciated.

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      • Men like woman to instigate sex. It makes them feel attractive, and is good for their ego. He might have a few fantasies or things he wants to try but aint sure how you will take it if he opens up and tells you. The reason he needs to wait a few days after he ejaculates is because when a man ejaculates he loses horemones. It takes a while for those horemones to build back up, and while they do he may not feel like sex. Not all men are the same though. Porn can be a big problem for men, as it can be very addictive. You dont want him to get too much into that ********. Try flirting with him a little. Maybe kiss him with a bit of passion, like you used to when you first met, or cuddle him more often. Randomly grab him and tell him you love him. Believe it or not men love this. Men need this constantly, they will never tell you , but it makes them feel good about themselves. If you can get him feeling this way he will start to want to give it back to you. I love it when my girlfriend grabs me and gives me a good pash. It makes me want to pick her up and take her into the bedroom. But more so, it gives me a secure feeling.

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