Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.


No announcement yet.

My Lack Of Libido Causing Problems

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • My Lack Of Libido Causing Problems

    Its been a while since I've been on, and if anybody remembers me, I had spoken about my husband who had tried having sex with women, constant lies, hiding things, hitting on women, etc. Pretty much the whole shabang. I realized I deserved better and went ahead and filed for the divorce. My husband was deployed when our court date was set so they rescheduled it and it is on Dec 3. Coming up soon!

    SORRY THAT MY POST IS LONG. I havent had anyone to talk to so Im kinda getting this all out now. But if you could bear thru it and read it then give me advice, thatd be great. It feels a little bit better letting some of this out. :[ I dont have any friends here to talk to about any of this...

    Ever since all of this stuff thats happened, I've just lost interest in sex. Knowing he was trying to get it from others when I was clearly giving it to him, just made me not want to do anything with him. Why do anything when I'm already giving him what he wanted and he was trying to get more from some lady he doesnt even know!? Dont get me wrong, when he came home from deployment we caught up on the past 7 months we missed out on. Then it all halted when he was on his email and I saw that on his messenger list was the chick he completely lied to me about. Saying that all he did was give her a ride to her house. I friended her and she said something totally different. Nothing bad like sex, but that they dated and everything, spent all this time together, etc. All I heard from him was that ... ok thats a diff story. So anyways, I saw her and I was like 'who is that?' and hes like 'you know who'. Figured that one out. Then he couldnt understand why I was upset. Hes like 'I didnt add her she just showed up'. Yeeeaaahh Ok. Then it turned into 'I forgot to delete her', then it turned into 'I cant delete her because I dont know how to'. So that moment right there killed the whole week long 'honeymoon phase' from when he got home. After that it just went back downhill.

    I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but I had problems with my Mirena. So much crap that I had to schedule and appt to get it taken out. So for a weeks I was in constant pain in my uterus I didnt want to have sex. I would at times because I knew he wanted to, but I would have to stop him when the pain got bad. Then when I had it removed I bled horribly for about a week. I'm saying, thru my tampon, my pantyliner, undies, and onto my pants. There was no way in hell I was going to have sex when I'm bleeding that much. The bleeding finally stopped (thank God!!)

    Then last week came, which was the Marine Corps Ball. Ours was in Vegas this year (our last one since hes getting out next year). We didnt have a baby sitter so the kids had to come with us (2 and 3 yrs old). They had babysitting there for us during the ball. My husband was just horrible to the boys. We had a penthouse suite and the boys would jump on the floor and my husband would flip out. Nobody could hear them, I'm sure. We live in a 2 story and can hear when someone walks upstairs and didnt sound at all like that. PLUS I'm sure the hotels are built better than on base housing. Penthouses are usually party rooms so they are sound proof almost. Every time he would flip out and yell at the boys, it would ******** me off. I just wanted to have a good time and all my husband could do is yell at the boys. (not to mention my husband favors our youngest over our oldest and its very very obvious. He will yell at my oldest for something, but if my youngest does the same thing, he does nothing. Thats another thing that just ****ES me off. I feel like he has no love towards my oldest son. thats another thing that sets me over the edge). The boys would run down the hotel hallway and my husband would yank them and, go fig, that would ******** me off. He even said 'well you didnt want to leave the kids with someone'. I dont know anybody that can watch our kids because I dont know anyone in our state. Its not my home state so theres no family there. He expected me to find someone online that would babysit them. I'm NOT leaving my kids with someone I dont know, but he obv has no problem with doing that. After all the fiasco of yelling at the boys, I'm not exactly in the mood for sex. He tries, but I'm still upset at things he said to me and how he treated the boys. Then he gets upset because we 'never' have sex. Flashback to two years ago, I gave it up every time and he still went out twice looking to have sex with other women, so it obv doesnt matter if I give it to him or not because he will go elsewhere looking for it. So for the two days in Vegas - complete upset and I even ended up crying the night of the Ball. Makeup all done, hair all pretty, in a beautiful ball gown... and I'm in the bathroom bawling my eyes out because of my husband. Yay... I did have sex that night with him. I wasnt feeling it but shoot... he wanted to. He had a bubble bath with candles, music, and wine so I thought I'd ignore my tiredness and go ahead.

    The day after we get back from Vegas I got to go to a concert for my FAVORITE band. It was a Meet and Greet plus concert. I paid extra to get their super early to meet the band in person, talk to them, get an autograph, and take a picture with the band. I was in HEAVEN. I went alone though so I was bummed I had nobody to talk to. Let me just say this was the perfect night. I was standing against the stage, front row, right in front of the mic. I got the set list, and the lead singer's guitar pic (lead singer is my fav member out of the whole group). He got down in my face plenty of times and sang. It was unbelievable. The concert was at a tavern, so they served beer. My husband was sending mean texts because I wasnt texting him often and he was ****ed the concert was going to be so late (hes never been to a concert so he doesnt understand they run late at night) Then he started accusing me of drinking because theres 'no way I can go to a bar and not drink'. What!? Im not an alcoholic at ALL. I have drinks with my family and thats pretty much it. I got home and was telling him all about my best night ever and he was hateful. The next day, completely hateful again. Dissing the lead singer, and the band. Bashing them about everything and saying that I need to go to a psychiatrist because I love them so much. This band helped me thru the roughest time in my life. The time when I tried to kill myself, self hatred, cutting.. finding them helped me thru all of that. To diss something that saved me, thats a low blow. Despite how much I tell him to stop saying crap about them, he doesnt. Then after being mean to me, he tries to make moves. Dude, you cant be mean about my favorite band then expect me to have sex with you!!!

    I'm not sure if its the new birth control I'm on since I had the Mirena out, but I just feel like ********. When he was gone and it was just me and the boys, I swear the sky was shining bright blue, the days were great, I had energy... I loved life. I was happy. Hes here and I feel like I'm looking through a grey film. The world looks so blah now. Its back to staying at home because he gets to take my car to work because his car is broken. Back inside these four walls and unhappy. I just feel like laying down every second of every day, maybe havin a good cry here or there. He keeps trying to make advances but I just dont want to be touched at all. I dont want kisses. I'm not sure if its because these past few weeks have just been horrible. The birth control problems, vegas being a complete fail, hateful talking, etc. I seriously dont have a drive at all for sex. Last night he wanted to do something but I, of course, didnt. Idk why. I just want to sleep the whole day away. So last night we were in bed on our phones, playing a racing game against each other. He put his phone up but I was texting my parents. He ended up falling asleep. I remembered that I still didnt brush my teeth so I go up quietly to brush them. While in the bathroom I reclasped my bra and pants (which he undid while I was laying there. Not to mention the day before I woke up in the middle of the night to him undoing my bra and pants and my shirt being lifted up. He never listens when I say to not do that. Nothing makes me feel worthless quite like groping up on me in the middle of the night. I'm not a sex doll, I have feelings and when he does that it makes me feel like ******** and worthless. Yes I've told him that already) So I get back in bed and he wakes up. He rolls over and goes 'you buttoned your pants and bra?' and I go 'yeah'. He rolls back over and then a few minutes later gets up and goes downstairs. Im not sure why he was so upset that I buttoned up my clothes again 1) he was asleep 2) I wasnt wanting to do anything anyways. I dont know when he came upstairs. I fell asleep and he wasnt there. He was there when I woke up though. I can ONLY imagine what he was doing downstairs. Personally, I dont mind if he masturbates. Shoot, I'm not in the mood so I dont expect him to hold it all in until I'm ready. So its not like I'm mad at him for that, I'm not. Everyone does that stuff.

    So this morning he just laid in bed on his phone for about two hours. I went upstairs into the room about 5 times because I was cleaning. Id go upstairs to put stuff up, get dirty clothes, empty the trashcans, etc. He never said one thing to me or looked at me. Just his phone. My son came upstairs saying daddy pulled his hair so I went downstairs to ask why hes saying that. My husband snapped at me that he didnt even touch him. Asked my son again when we were upstairs and he said that his brother did it, not daddy. So great, I just got yelled at by my husband because I believed my son. I was just asking why my son was saying that and my husband was like 'no you just came down acting like I did it'. I go 'no. what did I say? I asked why is he saying it. trying to figure this out.' So the only time we talk and its fighting. I feel so distant from everything when hes around. I know the divorce is going to take a while, and since we are getting a divorce, I'm not really looking to 'respark' things. I've tried countless times and it was pointless. But my lack of sex drive is just making this worse. I wanted to have civil divorce, and so far it was going great, until my sex drive vanished. I'm 21... arent I supposed to be wanting sex 24/7? I dont think its worth seeing a doctor over because I'm not sure if its just the toll from everything thats happened recently. I feel physically and emotionally drained. Every time I say that I'm exhausted my husband gets upset because thats code for 'I dont want sex'. Idk what to do. Now its just constant fighting because I dont want to be bothered with. I dont want kisses, I dont want to make out, I dont want hugs. I want to be left alone. I want to be back home with my family. I want this divorce to go through and be settled already so I can just move on with my life. But this whole no-sex-drive thing is making us fight constantly and he just doesnt understand that its just me not wanting to do anything because I just dont have the desire for it. All its bringing is fighting. Idk what to do :[ I dont like having sex just to shut him up. I believe its something that should really be felt, not 'ok find here you go.. I'll give it to you just because you wont stop whining'.

  • Can you clear up a few things. You have already file for divorce - your husband knows that? But you are still living together and still having sex?

    There seems to be many other issues with the relationship. Sex is more a symptom of the issues, not the cause. You cannot expect to have a sex drive while in the middle of a divorce.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)



    Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

    Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

    Latest Activity On Our Forums


    Latest Topics On Our Forums