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My body or my head? When did you start thinking about having kids?

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  • My body or my head? When did you start thinking about having kids?

    I feel this post could fall in many sub forums, but figured I would try this one. I'm not married or engaged, simply in a serious relationship I feel is deeper then the dating forum.

    I'm in the happiest relationship of my life. No matter how much this boy ****es me off sometimes, I often catch myself smiling about him later in the day. I well up with happiness at least once through out the day thinking about him. We've had our rough patches for sure, things I never thought we'd recover from, but we talk openly, we get through things, we make improvements and are open to change. Basically, I'm happy, i'm secure, things are good.

    When we first started dating we both agreed if we were to get pregnant I would have an abortion. This had been my line of thought for quite a long time with any sexual relationship. Within the past year I've felt something change. (I'm 24, he is 29). I feel less opposed to the idea. Sometime I feel a tinge of disappointment when my period comes. The truth is, I don't want a kid! In no way shape or form do I feel in anyway ready for that responsibility or life change, Im happy, have a great job, and finally have the vacation days and financials to travel. His mom desperately wants a grandchild (so do mine, but no time soon), and he always told her no.

    Within the year i got a paragard, so for the first time had "unrubbered" sex. Did you at any time feel like you were more receptive to the idea of reproducing? Is it something in my body? Maybe the fact that sperm may possibly be meeting egg for the first time with the addition of the paragard? My body seems to be telling me I'm ready, while my head is not.

    One night, a glass off wine or two deep, I brought these things up to him. He got very uncomfortable, changed the subject and I felt ashamed. Not to much later the conversation came up again, he talked to me more about it and seemed to understand. He often makes comments about my "birthin' hips," and lately has been saying things along those lines. Even told our pregnant landlord that it "probably won't be long for us either"!

    Curious what other people's experiences have been along these lines. Did you always want children? Your spouse? When did you become more receptive to the idea? Is it a symptom of a good relationship or a receptive body?

  • My only comment is that this is really important - you and he need to be on the same page. If you had an agreement that if you accidentally become pregnant you would get an abortion, then he is likely expecting that still to be the case. If you are thinking of changing your mind, he needs to know.


    • Could it be that, probably like most women, you wanted (consciously or unconsciously) to first achieve a level of safety and stability before you were going to even think about a family? As you said, now you have a good job, finances are good and you have a guy you think is a keeper. The nest is now set. Or is it?

      As rcoreyus said however, you need to be on the same page. Given that he hasn't even decided to commit to you (by saying "I do"), I would suggest that you are not yet there. Please don't overlook the importance of his commitment to you or you risk being left with neither the safety nor stability you thought you had.

      Good luck


      • bumping



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