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Need a woman's opinion

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  • Need a woman's opinion

    Ladies - I apologize registering on this forum as a guy but really needed some insight from some women since my attempts on other male forums proved to be unsuccessful. I've been married for 4 years and we've had a lovely marriage. My wife is the kind of person that can be over-friendly at times and send wrong signals. Lately however, my wife has got friendly to someone she met at work. She hangs out with him often after work and first it didn't bother me but now it does. I spoke with her and she agreed to place some boundaries. So now she is home in the evenings but I see her texting all the time - again no lewd texts but friendly ones. She denies any emotional involvement. I looked up some material on the web about tell-tale signs to know whether your spouse is cheating and the only one that matches is she has been dressing up better the last few weeks and there's a certain glow about her. None of the other tell-tale signs seem to match up. Apart from that, she is loving me as usual and I don't see that she has distanced me from her at all

    Hence the question - is it possible that she is maintaining two relationships and happily so??? I would like to trust her when she says she has no emotional involvement with this other guy but she's made some mistakes in her previous relationships pre-marriage which puts some doubt in my mind about trusting her fully

    Thanks!

  • This guy is making her feel attractive and wanted. That is not to say it has become an emotional affair yet, but it could be heading that way. Is she not getting those feelings from your relationship with her?

    I think it is possible for a small percentage of people to carry on two relationships and keep them friendly with good actions in both. Probably most people cannot do this. They would become neglectful or hostile in one of the relationships.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • Originally posted by need_advice22 View Post
      Ladies - I apologize registering on this forum as a guy but really needed some insight from some women since my attempts on other male forums proved to be unsuccessful. I've been married for 4 years and we've had a lovely marriage. My wife is the kind of person that can be over-friendly at times and send wrong signals. Lately however, my wife has got friendly to someone she met at work. She hangs out with him often after work and first it didn't bother me but now it does. I spoke with her and she agreed to place some boundaries. So now she is home in the evenings but I see her texting all the time - again no lewd texts but friendly ones. She denies any emotional involvement. I looked up some material on the web about tell-tale signs to know whether your spouse is cheating and the only one that matches is she has been dressing up better the last few weeks and there's a certain glow about her. None of the other tell-tale signs seem to match up. Apart from that, she is loving me as usual and I don't see that she has distanced me from her at all

      Hence the question - is it possible that she is maintaining two relationships and happily so??? I would like to trust her when she says she has no emotional involvement with this other guy but she's made some mistakes in her previous relationships pre-marriage which puts some doubt in my mind about trusting her fully

      Thanks!
      Hi Need-advice,
      A worrying sign, as wanting to text him a lot. Try spending more time with her and showing her how much you love her. It isn't far to you, that she is doing that.
      Take Care
      Kate

      Comment


      • How to best communicate this

        Alright - I hope links are allowed here but the first 2 pages of this article seems similar to what she is going through
        The Affair You Don't Know You're Having

        Now how do I bring it up the 2nd time? Should I simply tell her that she has done nothing to stop this except bring it to the virtual world? Is the only way to stop this is to kill all communications with this guy - I don't think lessening it would help at this point as she's getting plenty of emotional food from him. Also, would it make sense for me to call this guy and tell him that this is hurting our relationship and if he truly sees her as a good friend, he'll back off OR should I ask her to explain this to him? If she just stops communicating with him, he may be surprised and try to get back in with the times they've shared over the last few months

        And once again - I've known her for a while and the difference this time vs all her other new male friends during our relationship is the constant texting, constant sharing, smiles and I can see she isn't mentally present at home. She has been increasingly exceedingly happy - again, a change that I didn't see with her other friendships with males

        Thanks for all the advice
        Last edited by Fallen1; 12-27-2012, 07:16 AM. Reason: Remove outbound link

        Comment

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