What's going on?
Hello, Everyone! I am new to this site and I came here for other reasons but stumbled upon this forum. I'm very glad I did because I have some questions to ask but I don't have anyone to ask that will have an objective view. I want to thank you all, in advance, for your input.
Ok...here goes. I am in a "new" relationship with a man that I have come to love very much. (He says he loves me, too.) A few things have thrown up red flags for me, though. I am a 42 year old woman (he is 42 also) that has a strangely high sex drive. I want to have sex all the time with the man that I love. I want to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, etc. I want to shower with him and when we do have sex, I'd like to lay in bed with him, with our naked bodies touching, and maybe fall asleep. I want to go into the bathroom while he is showering and I want him to do the same. I want him to undress in front of me and I want to do the same. It just seems natural to me that we do things like this. Isn't that what people do that live together, that plan on spending their lives together?
We have sex only a few times a month, which is very disappointing because I want it at least a few times a week...or every other night. I NEVER see him undress fully and we have NEVER showered together. I have never seen him fully naked, other than in the "doggie-style" position, in total darkness. As soon as we are done, when we do have sex, he tells me to go to the bathroom so that we can go outside and smoke, (we smoke outside, and always after sex). He never wants to just lay in bed and snuggle or talk.
I've asked him to shower with me and for me to shower with him. He sometimes says, "OK", reluctantly. Other times he says, "My bathroom time is my private time." I've asked him to keep the light on when we have sex, he always says, "Next time." When we have sex, I like to be in the missionary position, but rarely am. Maybe three times all together. Usually we are in "doggie-style"(96%) or I'm on top (3.5%). I feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled with our sex life, even though he is an amazing lover. I just can't get it across to him that we need to have variety in our sex-lives.
I know that he works hard, but so do I. I tell him all the time that its very unusual that a woman my age wants to have sex that much, but its because I just want to be close with him. I feel like he's hiding behind excuses and his sense of humor, (he holds off my affection by being "funny" or "joking". There is something he is not telling me. He wants to marry me and has set a date for May 11th of this year. I want to spend my life with him too, but I don't want to get married with this going on. I feel like I am standing outside the walls that he has built. I tell him when we have this discussion that I want to be inside. He just looks at me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about, then he'll change the subject. I want to get this out in the open but I don't know how to approach these subjects now, since they are touchy subjects, at this point because I have tried to get him to talk about it too much. But I'm not satisfied with what I know, which is close to nothing. We aren't close, we have a very strange relationship. There is a reason he doesn't want me to see him naked or shower with me, or have sex with the lights on. I mean, I'm not "ugly" or overweight. He isn't either. I'm attracted to him and he says he thinks I'm beautiful. I just need some help with this. I want to spend my life with him, I want to marry him. I just want to know what's going on and I don't want to get married with things like they are.
Am I being overly suspicious? It's causing trust issues with me...he totally trusts me....blah......HELP!
Ok...here goes. I am in a "new" relationship with a man that I have come to love very much. (He says he loves me, too.) A few things have thrown up red flags for me, though. I am a 42 year old woman (he is 42 also) that has a strangely high sex drive. I want to have sex all the time with the man that I love. I want to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, etc. I want to shower with him and when we do have sex, I'd like to lay in bed with him, with our naked bodies touching, and maybe fall asleep. I want to go into the bathroom while he is showering and I want him to do the same. I want him to undress in front of me and I want to do the same. It just seems natural to me that we do things like this. Isn't that what people do that live together, that plan on spending their lives together?
We have sex only a few times a month, which is very disappointing because I want it at least a few times a week...or every other night. I NEVER see him undress fully and we have NEVER showered together. I have never seen him fully naked, other than in the "doggie-style" position, in total darkness. As soon as we are done, when we do have sex, he tells me to go to the bathroom so that we can go outside and smoke, (we smoke outside, and always after sex). He never wants to just lay in bed and snuggle or talk.
I've asked him to shower with me and for me to shower with him. He sometimes says, "OK", reluctantly. Other times he says, "My bathroom time is my private time." I've asked him to keep the light on when we have sex, he always says, "Next time." When we have sex, I like to be in the missionary position, but rarely am. Maybe three times all together. Usually we are in "doggie-style"(96%) or I'm on top (3.5%). I feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled with our sex life, even though he is an amazing lover. I just can't get it across to him that we need to have variety in our sex-lives.
I know that he works hard, but so do I. I tell him all the time that its very unusual that a woman my age wants to have sex that much, but its because I just want to be close with him. I feel like he's hiding behind excuses and his sense of humor, (he holds off my affection by being "funny" or "joking". There is something he is not telling me. He wants to marry me and has set a date for May 11th of this year. I want to spend my life with him too, but I don't want to get married with this going on. I feel like I am standing outside the walls that he has built. I tell him when we have this discussion that I want to be inside. He just looks at me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about, then he'll change the subject. I want to get this out in the open but I don't know how to approach these subjects now, since they are touchy subjects, at this point because I have tried to get him to talk about it too much. But I'm not satisfied with what I know, which is close to nothing. We aren't close, we have a very strange relationship. There is a reason he doesn't want me to see him naked or shower with me, or have sex with the lights on. I mean, I'm not "ugly" or overweight. He isn't either. I'm attracted to him and he says he thinks I'm beautiful. I just need some help with this. I want to spend my life with him, I want to marry him. I just want to know what's going on and I don't want to get married with things like they are.
Am I being overly suspicious? It's causing trust issues with me...he totally trusts me....blah......HELP!
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