[sarastone88]

Hello everyone,
So I was looking for the hammer in the garage and I found his light blue bag under the work bench hidden behind some tools. When I opened the bag it was full of neatly folded women's underwear, bras, skirts, dresses, fake life like boobs, shoes and wigs. I also found a makeup bag full of ever type of make up you could think of. I took it to the living room where he was sitting and put down at his feet. His face became instantly red and he started to say he could explain. I just walked away crying. We talked later when he brought his bag into the bedroom and he sat on the edge of the bed and told me he was a cross dresser. I thought a couple of times in the last few years I could see a bra outline under his shirt or panties above his waist line,but he always played it off. I feel like he lied to me this whole time, after 7 years of being married I don't know what to think.I asked why he never told me and he said he didn't tell me cause he was embarrassed and he thought I would never marry him. We have five kids now and I am afraid they will find out too. I cannot bear to think of my manly man dressed in heels and a skirt it just does not turn me on. I am attracted to him as a man not as a woman I am not a lesbian. What should I do?

[rcoreyus]

Its a pretty common kink, doesn't in any way indicate that he is gay. Its shocking - and maybe the forbiddenness is part of the thrill, but its harmless. You have a happy married life - go tell him you are sorry you were shocked and that its OK.

Now if he had other women's clothing in a bag in the garage.......

[Element]

He's not a woman, so no; you're not a lesbian. And he obviously doesn't do it around you, so you needn't worry of him wearing a blouse and a skirt around you. It's pretty common for men to cross dress. It does not mean he wants to remove his penis and get a vagina. It just means he likes to sometimes wear women's clothing.

[azalea]

We have five kids now and I am afraid they will find out too. I cannot bear to think of my manly man dressed in heels and a skirt it just does not turn me on. I am attracted to him as a man not as a woman I am not a lesbian. What should I do?

That must have been a very surprising discovery... but it's good news that he's just cross dressing, not cheating. He is still in every way the man you love, right? He has probably kept it secret from you to protect you. A dear friend of mine got a divorce because she found out her husband was cross dressing, even though their marriage was going so well... I don't think it needed to be that way. Men can be straight and manly while having an occasional fantasy about what it would be like to look like a lady. I don't know anyone who hasn't, at some point, put on clothing of the opposite sex at least for a laugh.

We often talk a lot about sexism towards women and the expectation of beauty... but I think we often forget about the even stricter standard for men. Men who do not act, sound, or look manly are looked down upon. We expect them to wear manly clothes, speak in a deep manly voice, be muscular and fit, like sports and power tools, etc. A man who likes to sew, watch chick flicks, or wear girlish clothing are judged, while girls can pursue whatever interests they want and generally wear whatever they want with much less judgement. I think you need to do the best you can to understand that your husband may have a very nuanced gender identity, without being trans, gay, bi, etc. I'm sure he loves you all the same when you're in baggy pants and a t-shirt :]

[sarastone88]

The shock has kinda worn off, he has been pretty quite around me and I put my arms around him tonight and told him I would go along with this. I just feel betrayed because I did not know about this from the start. SO....it will be something I have to get used too. I hope one day he can feel comfortable enough around me to let me into his world. Anyone else have any advice on how to deal with this. I want to make this a positive experience.

[Element]

My guess is there are books out there written by others who were in your position, so maybe doing some research on that. My other suggestion is to sit down with him, maybe you both have a glass of wine to take the edge off, and ask him to explain his fascination, what he feels he gets from it, how he got into it, what he enjoys from it. Try to understand his mentality, what he feels, what he believes. Once you two have had some time to digest this, you have an understanding together; if you are comfortable, ask him to escort you out with him to where he goes, meet his friends that he has in that scene. Get a look for yourself.

[sarastone88]

Last night he came to me and asked me if he could confide in me...... I asked what he had on his mind and he just told me flat out he wanted to be taken with a strap on by me during sex. I was pretty taken back but I decided to try it. SO now he knows one more thing about being a woman. Lets just say he was shown the ropes about sex and he is taking the day off work today. Something about his butt hurting this morning. I kept it safe but I wanted him to consider his future as a woman.