[missamortem]

When your husband talks about other girls or makes a comment on their appearance? Does it make you feel insecure? I know it always has for me...probably because I'm very self conscious and feel like I'm never good enough. What are your thoughts?

[lizzardb63]

Sometimes.... as stupid as it sounds, depends on my mood. If I am in a great mood, I might just laugh it off but if I'm crabby, I might snap back. At the end of the day, I know he loves me and only wants to be with me so if I do get snippy I remind myself of that.

If your man talks about other women often, I'd just have a talk with him and tell him how it makes you feel. But...if it's just an occasional thing, sometimes you just gotta let it go.

[jns]

Your husband needs to filter what he says. Talk to him about it and how he makes you feel with his comments. If he is mature, he should take the comments OK and act on them.

[Pollon]

It very much depends on what he says and if the comments are an indirect attempt to tell you something.

Maybe if you could give an example or a comment that bothers you, we could offer more.

[missamortem]

I guess it's just little things like "oh she's hot" or even when he talks to other girls on facebook. I guess I just get paranoid too easily.

[lizzardb63]

Well, there's a big difference when a man talks about a woman on tv like "oh she's hot" versus a girl who's there in real life. It's disrespectful for him to be telling you which women he thinks are hot in real life. You're not one of his buddies, so I don't blame you for feeling that way. A girl wants to feel like she's the only girl in the world, even though we all know guys check out other women and women look at other men, but it's the point of keeping it discrete and respectable. If you honestly feel he's stepping on some boundaries, you need to have a talk with him and tell him how you feel about his comments.

[Pollon]

I'm with Lizzard. Saying "she's hot" and chatting up other women on Facebook is disrespectful and insensitive to you and your relationship.

However, you are leaving out a lot of information. If he feels you have been disregarding his needs/wishes, then his comments may be intended to get a reaction from you.

For example, if your sex life has gotten dull and he has been asking you to pay more attention to your appearance, lose weight or otherwise make some effort to put some life back into the bedroom but you have failed to do so, then his comments could be intended to make you feel insecure and, therefore, start doing what he's asked.

How long have you been together and has he always done this? Or is this something newer? Did anything change shortly before this started? ie. birth, weightgain, etc?

[missamortem]

We've been married for 6 years and together for 7. I have gained a bit of weight, but I'm not sure that's why he's been acting so strange. Today, I found some text messages he had sent to some girl when he was drunk saying he "can't stand me" and such. I ended up having a meltdown. When I confront him about his wrong doings, he just throws things in my face that I've done. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a saint, that's for sure, but he knows how insecure I am and doesn't do anything to help the situation. I'm thinking of just backing off for a while and concentrating on bettering myself.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When people are in the wrong, the first thing they do is the "blame game", blame the other person. It takes it off of them but worse, it makes you more in-secure and believe that it must be you...

How are you going to better yourself with such a negative person around you that cares only for themselves?

Relationships take work. We love someone for who they are and so what if they put on weight, it's the inner self that is loved the most.. If this is not there, then there is no relationship in my opinion.

Stand tall I think. Know you are beautiful inside and out. If he doesn't think so and is flirting up a storm and treating you like shirt... Smile at him and tell him " no honey, I'm all that and you know it".. Walk away and start to live your life more, get out with friends, go to classes or gym something you like doing and start to learn some independence so you can realise who you are. Then you will have a better grip on how to handle it, which ever way it goes.

[Pollon]

"I have gained a bit of weight, but I'm not sure that's why he's been acting so strange."

I may be reading too much between the lines, but it seems that you are minimizing things, leaving out your contribution and painting your husband as the bad guy.

What is a "bit" of weight? Given that he is commenting on the "appearance" of other women, your "bit of weight" may be very important to him.

Physical attractiveness is an important component of a relationship. For some more than others. So it is unreasonable to expect your husband's attraction to you to be unaffected by a significant weight gain.

"When I confront him about his wrong doings, he just throws things in my face that I've done. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a saint, that's for sure, but he knows how insecure I am and doesn't do anything to help the situation."

Yes, your husband should try to help, but there is only so much he can do without becoming a prisoner to your feelings. If you don't deal with your emotional problems, eventually your husband will lose respect and affection for you. It sounds like he is at that stage with his comments about other women.

You are in a very destructive pattern of throwing blame around and retaliating against each other.

The only person you can change is yourself. Please get yourself some help with your insecurity. If you show progress, he may get better. If not, you might feel strong enough to make a change.

Good luck