[OrionsMom]

My soon to be ex-husband is getting out of the army in October and has not played an active role in our son's life. He was there for the first 2 months where he played with our son, but would not wake up at night to help, wouldn't help bath or change diapers, than he deployed for a year to Afghanistan. He came back from Afghanistan and was very emotionally and mentally abusive as he was throughout the deployment making accusations of me cheating all the time which made me drop out of college and quit my job to make him stop. He told me he would only live with me if I gave him sex and he did not want to go to marriage counseling when I offered, so he left to Alaska where he is stationed and me and our son stayed in Minnesota. I allowed my son to go to Alaska for a month with my sister in law to see his father when my ex returned from Afghanistan. That was june 2012 and my ex has not seen his son since and does not ask me about his son or anything, but according to his mom he asks about him to her, but not to me becasuse he still thinks I am cheating. Last month I filed for divorce because I found out from my mother in law that he had a girlfriend for 6 months and she was living with him and he had gotten her pregnant. His girlfriend left him and now my ex wants me back and I said I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him very much, but I don't know if I can handle being with someone who did that to me. My husband is going to get a DNA test when this baby is born to see if it is indeed his or not. He wants 50/50 custody of our son which isn't going to happen because my son does not know his dad. What is a reasonable schedule to slowly get my ex to get bonded and get to know his son again without it being too stressful on our 2.5 year old son? In the divorce I filed sole physical due to the fact he's been in my care since he was born and sole legal due to the fact that my ex husband has got a lot of issues being, lying, emotional abuse and recently suicidal. And my lawyer seems on board with sole legal and sole physical. Also, due to everything said, opinions please on if I should proceed with the divorce or if I should give him a try? Thank you for any advice!

[jns]

I would not get back with him unless he went to counseling for his behavior and his accusations of you cheating. Even then, I would be careful, requiring ground rules to make sure he treats you right. The fact that he took up with another girl behind your back tells a lot about his behavior. If I had to guess I would say he is very jealous and can also be controlling. Those are not good traits.

Of course your lawyer is on your side. That is why you pay a lawyer: to be on your side. That does not mean you will win sole legal and physical custody. It still will be a fight.

[Pollon]

The man (I use that term very loosely) makes no effort to either perserve his family or maintain a relationship with his son. In addition, he derails your life and uses other women just to make himself feel better. He only "wants" 50/50 custody as a tool to manipulate you.

He is either a very sick or very bad man. Either way, what benefit do you see in exposing your son to him?

When you get sole legal & physical custody you can decide if having a relationship with his father is worth pursuing. If you decide to attempt it, demand that he demonstrate proof of treatment for his problems and make him put genuine effort into making the relationship happen. That means he travels to visit his son, not the other way around.

Good luck

[starjoy08]

I think only you can make the divorce decision. With that said, I think he needs mental health care. This is probably available to he as a vet. Stand your ground. I would be afraid that if you give him an inch, he will take a mile. Your son comes first, what is best for him?