[Frenchester]

I was married for 4 years now, I have 1 child with my husband. I met him online and after a year we decided to get married despite of our long distance relationship. After we got married he stays with me for good, but after few months of being together I found out that he still maintaining his dating site membership and communicating with different women here. I confronted him and he reason out of being BORED! He was retired so he just stay home while I am working in my part time job. My fear here is what if he is seeing these women and catch sexually transmitted deseases? It was very devastating knowing that my husband was straying around while im not around.

He told me that they (women) are just text mates but of course I cannot just easily believe on him. What surprised me when I found out that he has 2 kids before he married me but I just accepted it and just go with the flow. Still my fear is there, everytime I leave the house for work I feel that he is doing something. Because of my uncomfortability I tried looking for his other celphone and I found that he had sex with 2-3 different women near our area. I was really feel down, broken and devastated. I dont know what to do, but later on I forgiven him.. He is a good provider, he is always with me when I am home he never go places without me except if Im working. We bought a house, a car and we have loans that we are still paying right now, reasons why I cannot leave him.

I tried to be a good wife, provide and cope with his needs, he asked for another child and now I am pregnant. He asked if we could open a business of our own and I did helped him to do so and we are now running our small business. I thought everything are smooth and fine but 3 weeks ago I received a lot of missed calls to the phone that he used before. The woman is trying to contact him and threatening him for something bad if he will not talk to her. I asked the woman what is her purpose for looking for my husband and she said to just ask my husband about her and I need to confront him. So i did asked him and as expected he said he dont know a soul that he is obligated with. I feel something is not right here this time so I investigated and found out that the woman is pregnant! I confronted him but he just said that those women is trying to get money from foreign man like him. What I did I contacted the woman pretending as I am is my husband and I confirmed that they are still communicating and she is really pregnant. This time I dont know what to do? I am pregnant too and I resigned from my part time job so I could help him in our small business. I feel lost, broken and confused. I need some advice please.

[trcklvr8504]

I am at a loss for words but noticed no one had responded yet and if I were in your shoes I would be hoping for some insight. I am a mother of 2 (a 2 year old and an 8 week old). My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and have definitely had our share of ups and downs.

While I was pregnant with our second we had some friends over and had all gotten pretty drunk (except for me of course). Anyway, he was on his phone texting someone all night and flirting/feeling up one of my friends. After everyone left for the night I was so upset and went to bed while he stayed out in the front room. I used my phone to look up the numbers he was texting and it was my friend and a few others (one which I recognized as his ex-GF). I was so upset I felt physically sick and had to know what he was texting about. I waited for him to fall asleep to take his phone but he had put a password on his phone. The next day I went to work and had no idea what I was going to do, this wasn't something I was going t be able to get over easily. I was so upset I actually thought about leaving him and taking out daughter to my parents house. I couldn't imagine actually divorcing him cause we also share a house, cars, debt, etc but I was struggling with moving on from his behavior.

Anyway, I know my experience is much different than yours but we ended up having a heart to heart where I sobbed uncontrollably and was completely honest (I even told him that I wanted to leave him that night for my parents house and that I was struggling with wanting to raise a family with him). He didn't remember much of the previous night but as I told him everything he was crying and so upset by how much he had hurt me and how close he had actually gotten to losing me.

I know it is easier said than done, but I think you should leave him. Maybe see if he is willing to go to marriage counseling. Your husband doesn't seem like he is going to change though or even being honest for starters. I don't see how you can get anywhere when don't know the true extent to everything he is getting into. You being pregnant makes this whole situation harder but it doesn't seem fair to have to compete with these other women or worry about your health by him having multiple partners.

I wish you the best of luck in your marriage and a healthy rest of your pregnancy.

[jns]

Frenchester, it sounds like your husband has greater resources than you do. If I may ask, where is he from and where are you two living? I have seen similar situations is Southeast Asia where the man continues playing the field even though he has a pretty and willing wife and also a child. It sounds like the finances are a key here and if you had the means to separate, you would confront him more strongly. What are the rest of the circumstances?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds as if the long distance, was a ‘long’ long distance, like England to Thailand not that, that matters but I am wondering whether there is dis-respect there. As in, he just wanted a wife, and before you was always on those sites, doing what he wanted to do.

I’m confused though that you say 4 years, but then a few months later so this has been going on for four years or just a few months ago you realised?

I’m so sorry, this is wrong isn’t it on so many levels. I don’t believe he deserves you at all.

At the moment, what would I do? I would focus on my un-born baby and make sure that baby is safely delivered into this World then I would seek advice on how to ensure they and you are looked after from this man. I don’t see him as a husband, I see him as someone who wanted to get married whilst still living his old life.

I am sorry and we are here to talk to.