[LookingForHelp11]

I live with my domestic partner. We've known each other for years. When we first met, he was very much addicted to the video game World of Warcraft (WOW). I found this to be unattractive, and it wasn't until he lightened up on playing and started to really pay attention to me that we became close. We moved in together. Decided to file for domestic partnership (we're a heterosexual couple). Everything seemed fine for a while.

I found out that while he "hasn't been playing", he has been spending an enormous amount of time looking through the WOW forums and commenting lately. I mean, it's really in-depth...like he's still a part of that world. He's been spending hours playing a WOW trading card game that he "doesn't even like", but I still see him on it all the time. He says he should be looking for a job more, and complains about the anxiety of being unemployed...but he still plays. Meanwhile, I work and go to school full time.

We've had some considerable issues with our sex life, and we used to try to work on it together. Now he's not even trying to work on his end. I end up always trying to seduce him. High heels, sexy clothes, pouncing on him. Performing every fetish he's every claimed to have. Doing my best to be sexy for him and be "hands on" and "take him". You name it, it's like it doesn't even matter. He doesn't initiate sex, doesn't seem too interested when I do, doesn't get/stay hard, and never even tries to please me. I have tried to be really supportive with everything, but I feel like a failure. It's really hard to see that he's still so involved in the WOW community, but I haven't said anything.

I don't want to attack him and make him feel badly for playing WOW games. In most other areas, he's a really sweet guy. He packs my lunch in the mornings and does laundry. It's not like he's totally letting this overtake his Life. It's just that he admitted a long time ago that it was an addiction, and when I see him playing this more and more while our sex and money situation is getting worse...it makes me want to do crazy things.

Am I being paranoid? What do I do?

[rcoreyus]

Do you think WOW is the cause or a symptom? Is it an addiction ,or is he running away from something? Depression over lack of a job?

Addictions (to anything) can be really difficult to break.

[Pollon]

Seems like an addiction that is interrelated with depression. He avoids his depressing life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he feels competent. For that time he feels good, but when he returns to reality he feels guilty and worse, which pushes him back into fantasy to feel better. And the cycle continues.

Some professional help is probably needed. Or a lot of support and accountability from you or a friend/sponsor.

Good luck

[happygolucky90]

I became suffociated with WoW when I got depressed in my past relationship. I didn't want to find a job, or go to school... I didn't want to do anything but sleep all day and play WoW all night. But I was also very unhappy in my personal life. I'm not saying that is his issue... but I also don't think WoW is the real problem.

Have you tried seriously sitting down and talking to him about this? Like really trying to get to the bottom of whats going on? People will have their hobbies, my boyfriend is obsessed with sports, and I hate it lol... but it's something he enjoys, and at times you'd think he's a nut about it... but he also still gives to our relationship and takes time out of his hobby to spend with me. Thats right, he will turn off a game to spend time with me if I seem like I need to get out of the apartment haha. Shocking! But this really is how it should be. Not all the time, but he still needs to put his relationship with you first, you know?

Be honest about how you are feeling and avoid blame, just mention, you feel like things have changed and you are hurting. Thats how I word things with my boyfriend and never goes into a heated argument. Its all about approach, tell him you are worried. That you have needs and what it is that makes you feel bad.

Good luck!