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me again

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  • me again

    Well it's me again. I mostly want to vent, but if anyone has any advice for me it would be most welcome. I've been working 40+ hours a week, plus studying at home, and for the last few weeks, planning an engagement party. I don't have much spare time, have been pretty tired, stressed and short tempered. The few times I've gone to the beach or something, I'll continually be stressing or worrying about what I should be doing. The thing was I was stressing majorly before and I told my fiancee that I didn't want to do the party, and possibly because of a bit of cold feet and in all honesty am not 100% sure about our future. He was adamant that we should do it though, but now he's stressing too, even though I'm doing most of the work and have more on my plate than he does.

    The thing that's been bothering me most is that he's spending heaps of time doing his own thing and having fun while I'm stuck at home trying to get stuff done. While I'm not against him having his own time, it seems like it's been excessive, he left around midday today, and its now 9 at night. I feel neglected and abandoned. I didn't even bother with hints for valentine's day, I told him straight out, just get me a teddy, but I didn't even get that. He got sex twice ‘because it's valentine's day‘ and he seems to think that's all I need too, but I didn't want sex, I wanted to feel loved and appreciated, but I don't. I just feel so sad because I've told him so many times what I need and then he'll turn it around and say, ‘but you don't do that either‘ but he doesn't understand that I NEED for him to do things for me. He doesn't take me out to dinner, he's never planned a romantic weekend, he's never brought home flowers, and I don't need that kind of thing all the time, but sometimes would be nice. What makes me most sad is that I don't think I'll ever get through to him, he's just never going to be the romantic kind, and he's always going to prefer hanging with his mates and I'm just gonna keep feeling neglected and taken for granted.

  • If you aren't 100% sure, don't marry him. We all have cold feet, and I think that's normal, but what you describe seems beyond that to me.

    If you aren't meeting each others needs now, it won't happen after the wedding. If you have questionable compatibility, it won't get better after you're married.
    Sounds like the relationship needs work before taking the next step.


    • I agree with kitty. Rethink this now rather than later.
      [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


      • My thoughts. Life is not entirely about work/study, that is something we must do, have to do to earn a living. Some, fortunately, like me, love their job but I think you will find that, that is when you call it a career.

        You say you feel guilty going to the beach this is wrong. You feel neglected and abandoned, this is a feeling you have been carrying for most of your life, one that you have to let go of and find some inner peace.

        See, you have to find passions in your life outside of work/ study / relationships that you can go off and do and absolutely love it as well, both when together laugh and tell the stories of that day. Being down and out off course when he gets home arguments start or resentment but if you were able to have a passion yourself there wouldn't be, rather he'd more than likely LOVE coming home and catching up on the day, maybe become a bit assertive you know when he's getting home sort off, but get out there and find your passion, confidence and allure and next time text him, meet me at ................7.30pm for dinner, your wife.

        Sometimes we have to make some changes. I'm not excusing his romance but I am saying sometimes what we know is what we do.. Change it .




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