[polly95]

how much are you allowed to talk to other men?

we have a backyard pool which i'm always around and there is a single dad and his 2 sons next door, i think they are age 15 and 18 and their dad is older etc. and they talk to me all the time. their dad works from home and is leaning over the fence talking a lot when i'm at the pool. and his sons plays sports in their backyard and talk to me when their ball goes over

i like them all but is it ok or should i stop going outside as much?

[polly95]

maybe its a silly question, i might be just paranoid because my friend's boyfriend undressed me without my consent, so i'm being careful now

[rcoreyus]

I don't think anyone has the right to "allow" or "disallow" their wife / husband from doing anything.

FWIW, I have no objection to my wife talking to, meeting, having lunch / dinner with, visiting, etc other men. We have male friends who stop by the house sometimes when I am out of town. I have absolutely no problem with that, nor does my wife have any problem with me talking to and meeting (causally) other women.

[polly95]

I don't think anyone has the right to "allow" or "disallow" their wife / husband from doing anything.

FWIW, I have no objection to my wife talking to, meeting, having lunch / dinner with, visiting, etc other men. We have male friends who stop by the house sometimes when I am out of town. I have absolutely no problem with that, nor does my wife have any problem with me talking to and meeting (causally) other women.

lucky! my husband said he does not approve of me going to the massage therapist. he said there was proof i was aroused when i returned home. so now i go to a female massage therapist.

[rcoreyus]

Um you could get aroused by a female masseuse you know....

He is being unreasonable and controlling.

(got to run, will post more later).

[kira]

I can talk to whoever I want as much as I want. I can hang out with whoever I want as much as I want. If I talk to my husband first I can even have sex with another guy. That was a long conversation that consisted of me asking in every form possible what he meant, that he wasn't joking, and that he was certain it was ok. I talked to a few guys and went to a swingers club a few times but I ended up not having sex with anyone else.

[polly95]

Um you could get aroused by a female masseuse you know....

He is being unreasonable and controlling.

(got to run, will post more later).

i do but he doesn't check my underwear now. females hands are nice. i think he just assumed it would be ok lol.

I can talk to whoever I want as much as I want. I can hang out with whoever I want as much as I want. If I talk to my husband first I can even have sex with another guy. That was a long conversation that consisted of me asking in every form possible what he meant, that he wasn't joking, and that he was certain it was ok. I talked to a few guys and went to a swingers club a few times but I ended up not having sex with anyone else.

wow your hubby is different to mine hehehe
my hubby puts his hand under my skirt just after i've talked to other men. its like he checks if i was roused by them. i could be wrong tho.

[rcoreyus]

Polly95 - this is really disturbing to me. He checks to see if you were aroused? That seems horribly invasive - and lots of people get aroused by lots of things - sometimes just their own thoughts.

Kira's situation isn't very common (but its great if it works for both of them), but I think (hope!) most people don't check up on their partners. I'm hoping other people will chime in here. Your profile says Australia which I think of as a modern western country, the sort of behavior you are describing sounds like something in an Islamic country. Are you from a culture where women are much more controlled than in the west?

[polly95]

Polly95 - this is really disturbing to me. He checks to see if you were aroused? That seems horribly invasive - and lots of people get aroused by lots of things - sometimes just their own thoughts.

Kira's situation isn't very common (but its great if it works for both of them), but I think (hope!) most people don't check up on their partners. I'm hoping other people will chime in here. Your profile says Australia which I think of as a modern western country, the sort of behavior you are describing sounds like something in an Islamic country. Are you from a culture where women are much more controlled than in the west?

nope just regular common australian but i guess its what people say when they say age gap has power issues. he is 44 and he was my teacher so maybe he likes me to be like under his elder power. but he never yells at me and always gives me freedom except for the massage therapist. he buys me tiny bikinis even tho he knows the boys next door see me. so pretty free
just that he checks my underwear cos he knows i have a damp issue when roused (sorry for detail but its extreme reaction so a giveaway). but then again its true that it can happen from thoughts that arent to do with a man :/

[rcoreyus]

Really sorry, but so much here worries me. If your profile is right (no reason you need it to be) you are 19, he is 44?? That might work, but its a warning sign to me. I'm 50 and while 19 year old's certainly may look attractive in a purely sexual way, I couldn't possible imagine marrying someone that young - when I talk to students that age they come across as children. (please, no offense intended, but people's outlook on life changes as they age).

He is your husband, not your father: he has not right to yell at you (and is not being good by failing to do so), he does not "give you" freedom, you have freedom and he has no authority to regulate it in any way. It isn't unusual for him to not want you to have sex with other men - but he doesn't want you "thinking" about sex? In fact its not at all uncommon for women to masturbate when they feel like it and have the opportunity.

The internet can be very deceptive, it might be that if I saw you in person, it would be clear that the relationship is actually OK, but just from the words this feels like some twisted hybrid of a father-daughter relationship with sexual elements.

Is the rest of your relationship equal or does he have other "authority" over you. Is money shared, or does he "give" you money? Are decisions made together, or does he decide?

I really hope some others will post on this thread to see if I've fallen into an incorrect mental picture of what is going on.