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how much are you allowed to talk to other men?

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  • how much are you allowed to talk to other men?

    how much are you allowed to talk to other men?

    we have a backyard pool which i'm always around and there is a single dad and his 2 sons next door, i think they are age 15 and 18 and their dad is older etc. and they talk to me all the time. their dad works from home and is leaning over the fence talking a lot when i'm at the pool. and his sons plays sports in their backyard and talk to me when their ball goes over

    i like them all but is it ok or should i stop going outside as much?

  • maybe its a silly question, i might be just paranoid because my friend's boyfriend undressed me without my consent, so i'm being careful now

    Comment


    • I don't think anyone has the right to "allow" or "disallow" their wife / husband from doing anything.

      FWIW, I have no objection to my wife talking to, meeting, having lunch / dinner with, visiting, etc other men. We have male friends who stop by the house sometimes when I am out of town. I have absolutely no problem with that, nor does my wife have any problem with me talking to and meeting (causally) other women.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
        I don't think anyone has the right to "allow" or "disallow" their wife / husband from doing anything.

        FWIW, I have no objection to my wife talking to, meeting, having lunch / dinner with, visiting, etc other men. We have male friends who stop by the house sometimes when I am out of town. I have absolutely no problem with that, nor does my wife have any problem with me talking to and meeting (causally) other women.
        lucky! my husband said he does not approve of me going to the massage therapist. he said there was proof i was aroused when i returned home. so now i go to a female massage therapist.

        Comment


        • Um you could get aroused by a female masseuse you know....

          He is being unreasonable and controlling.

          (got to run, will post more later).

          Comment


          • I can talk to whoever I want as much as I want. I can hang out with whoever I want as much as I want. If I talk to my husband first I can even have sex with another guy. That was a long conversation that consisted of me asking in every form possible what he meant, that he wasn't joking, and that he was certain it was ok. I talked to a few guys and went to a swingers club a few times but I ended up not having sex with anyone else.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
              Um you could get aroused by a female masseuse you know....

              He is being unreasonable and controlling.

              (got to run, will post more later).
              i do but he doesn't check my underwear now. females hands are nice. i think he just assumed it would be ok lol.

              Originally posted by kira View Post
              I can talk to whoever I want as much as I want. I can hang out with whoever I want as much as I want. If I talk to my husband first I can even have sex with another guy. That was a long conversation that consisted of me asking in every form possible what he meant, that he wasn't joking, and that he was certain it was ok. I talked to a few guys and went to a swingers club a few times but I ended up not having sex with anyone else.
              wow your hubby is different to mine hehehe
              my hubby puts his hand under my skirt just after i've talked to other men. its like he checks if i was roused by them. i could be wrong tho.

              Comment


              • Polly95 - this is really disturbing to me. He checks to see if you were aroused? That seems horribly invasive - and lots of people get aroused by lots of things - sometimes just their own thoughts.

                Kira's situation isn't very common (but its great if it works for both of them), but I think (hope!) most people don't check up on their partners. I'm hoping other people will chime in here. Your profile says Australia which I think of as a modern western country, the sort of behavior you are describing sounds like something in an Islamic country. Are you from a culture where women are much more controlled than in the west?

                Comment


                • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
                  Polly95 - this is really disturbing to me. He checks to see if you were aroused? That seems horribly invasive - and lots of people get aroused by lots of things - sometimes just their own thoughts.

                  Kira's situation isn't very common (but its great if it works for both of them), but I think (hope!) most people don't check up on their partners. I'm hoping other people will chime in here. Your profile says Australia which I think of as a modern western country, the sort of behavior you are describing sounds like something in an Islamic country. Are you from a culture where women are much more controlled than in the west?
                  nope just regular common australian but i guess its what people say when they say age gap has power issues. he is 44 and he was my teacher so maybe he likes me to be like under his elder power. but he never yells at me and always gives me freedom except for the massage therapist. he buys me tiny bikinis even tho he knows the boys next door see me. so pretty free
                  just that he checks my underwear cos he knows i have a damp issue when roused (sorry for detail but its extreme reaction so a giveaway). but then again its true that it can happen from thoughts that arent to do with a man :/

                  Comment


                  • Really sorry, but so much here worries me. If your profile is right (no reason you need it to be) you are 19, he is 44?? That might work, but its a warning sign to me. I'm 50 and while 19 year old's certainly may look attractive in a purely sexual way, I couldn't possible imagine marrying someone that young - when I talk to students that age they come across as children. (please, no offense intended, but people's outlook on life changes as they age).

                    He is your husband, not your father: he has not right to yell at you (and is not being good by failing to do so), he does not "give you" freedom, you have freedom and he has no authority to regulate it in any way. It isn't unusual for him to not want you to have sex with other men - but he doesn't want you "thinking" about sex? In fact its not at all uncommon for women to masturbate when they feel like it and have the opportunity.

                    The internet can be very deceptive, it might be that if I saw you in person, it would be clear that the relationship is actually OK, but just from the words this feels like some twisted hybrid of a father-daughter relationship with sexual elements.

                    Is the rest of your relationship equal or does he have other "authority" over you. Is money shared, or does he "give" you money? Are decisions made together, or does he decide?

                    I really hope some others will post on this thread to see if I've fallen into an incorrect mental picture of what is going on.

                    Comment


                    • hi rcoreyus, but i said "but he never yells at me and always gives me freedom except for the massage therapist." bfs that were my age yelled, but not hubby
                      its true he is a lot mor e mature than me. but i trust him and he is the only male i ever trusted. exbfs were rough and hurtful with their hands and voices.
                      i agree that hubby goes too far with being worried about my arousal from being around boys. but when he left for work one morning he said "think of me with your finger fun" so he is nice about that and ok with 'that' topic.
                      it is like father-daughter maybe but mum was single when i was born so not sure of what father-daughter is really :/

                      Comment


                      • I wouldn't want my wife going to a masseuse either - even a female one. I don't like people touching my woman.

                        I do feel that a husband and wife have the right to make reasonable demands on one another. I also wouldn't like my wife to be having regular and frequent social contact with another man one on one. I give her the same consideration. Even when we're going to be working closely with someone of the opposite sex, we tend to let each other know. No one is going to interfere with our unity.

                        If you feel uncomfortable about the neighbor's intentions, you could make sure that you're keeping the conversations from getting too intimate or direct them towards safe things, like your husband. You could let your husband know about the conversation too.

                        The age gap is nothing to me. In my eyes, two people the same age can manipulate and use one another. If you marry someone you commit to care for and love them. The age doesn't matter.

                        The only thing that I personally find humiliating and invasive is the genital checking. But it seems that you're uncertain. My wife actually did that to me once a while ago when she had gotten jealous unnecessarily. I made it clear that I was not to be touched in that way and it never happened again.
                        "Those sowing seed with tears
                        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                        Comment


                        • One of the interesting things about this site is finding out how much difference of opinion there is on things that seemed obvious to me.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                            I wouldn't want my wife going to a masseuse either - even a female one. I don't like people touching my woman.

                            I do feel that a husband and wife have the right to make reasonable demands on one another. I also wouldn't like my wife to be having regular and frequent social contact with another man one on one. I give her the same consideration. Even when we're going to be working closely with someone of the opposite sex, we tend to let each other know. No one is going to interfere with our unity.

                            If you feel uncomfortable about the neighbor's intentions, you could make sure that you're keeping the conversations from getting too intimate or direct them towards safe things, like your husband. You could let your husband know about the conversation too.

                            The age gap is nothing to me. In my eyes, two people the same age can manipulate and use one another. If you marry someone you commit to care for and love them. The age doesn't matter.

                            The only thing that I personally find humiliating and invasive is the genital checking. But it seems that you're uncertain. My wife actually did that to me once a while ago when she had gotten jealous unnecessarily. I made it clear that I was not to be touched in that way and it never happened again.
                            so true, i can see why hubby is concerned about massage, cos he has massaged me and my thighs being touched are my fav thing for starting gasms. and massage therapists do thighs. hubby likes lesbians so thats probably why he is ok with me still going to a female therapist.
                            hubby did not really admit to checking me for arouse but he fingers me just after i come back from talking to guys. but if i talk to girls he does not finger me when i come back etc

                            Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
                            One of the interesting things about this site is finding out how much difference of opinion there is on things that seemed obvious to me.
                            yep! and if i asked people offline then i would be nervous about if they might embarrass me but much easier to ask people online cos being being the computer makes me feel safer about the advice

                            Comment


                            • I'll side with the "don't like the sound of this" crowd here, with some other concerns ....

                              Are you and/or your husband aware that his 'checking' of your vagina without your consent is a borderline felony criminal offense? I say borderline because the permission part sounds cloudy (it sounds like you didn't really say no or tell him to stop), but sexual assault is almost always a felony. That means he could go to jail for doing that.

                              From the common sense and decency point of view, him being your husband in no way gives him the authority to do that or have some sort of 'full' access to your body at all times. I wouldn't tolerate that in practice or even a hint of that attitude if I were you, polly.
                              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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