Me and my husband have been married for two years, a bit after our first child was born. Now we are working on having our second little one (at the end of May) and a few weeks ago he said he cared about me but didn't love me anymore. That alone hurt because I still very much love him, all of the flaws and fights we have I still don't want things to just be over like that. So we talked and he said he needed time to think. My mother when I told her asked what 'time's' name was. I didn't quite understand her meaning behind this till I thought longer on it. He had been talking to a co-worker of his for a good week or so. Telling me that he was just talking to her as a friend and that nothing was going on. But he was glued to his cell phone. To this day still won't leave it in a room without him being there.
So after a few days he decided that we shouldn't try, all we do is fight anymore and we've been together for 4-5 years and married for not even two yet. I accepted this and agreed we should remain friends and on good terms and come June after the baby was born he'd move out. Of course I bawled my eyes out trying to be strong and act like I could carry on with my life but I just couldn't. We are in the same house and I watched him carry out everyday life like nothing happened, like I was so easy to forget about or throw away. So I focused mainly on the little one we have and trying not to stress or strain myself where I am expecting. All the way till we had another talk and he changed his mind.
He decided we should try because when we were first together we had something. My friends personal thoughts are he is jealous of the baby and with having another he knows he won't get the attention he wants or use to have. He keeps blaming all of the issues on me in that I don't communicate enough with him, I admit I don't speak up as much as I should but I just stay so tired anymore I don't feel the energy to try to fight over my point of view on things. I want them to work so of course I jumped at the thought that we could keep talking and trying to work the marriage out. But he refused to stop speaking to the co worker of his saying they were just friends. To me that hit me as odd.. he was defensive of her and such.
All of my pent up hurt and anger came out one day as I confronted him on a video and a photo she had sent him in his emails. His excuse was it was during the period that we were split up. That it was that one time and he had told her not to do it again. The fact he didn't tell me right away in the first place hurt enough as he tried to say I would have blown up on him, no I would have been thankful. More so in fact that he was honest with me from the get go. This only got worse as I checked his emails once more as he left them open... there was a receipt where he sent this woman nearly 40$ in roses for V-day... I was crushed by that.
I eventually confronted him on this and he got ticked at me for going through his emails. Trying to avoid the real issue here as he tried to come up with a story. Saying hat the pre-paid card he was using would have been used on me instead but it was the day that I first confronted him about the photo and video... Though his computer history for looking at that flower shop in that state (not our state even) showed he was looking at doing this long before we had that first fight. I had questioned him if he had done anything for V-day for that woman but he said no, he actually told me when I asked about the flowers that he had forgotten.. Yes I am sure...
Recently I found he was lying to me more then I first thought. I had contacted the phone company we are with and asked for phone records for his cell phone. According to my husband he had been texting this woman very little and was also texting a male co worker who was having relationship issues, thus why he was glued to his phone. The paper work said otherwise. There was no other odd number on the paper work besides pages.. and I do mean pages of nothing but him and that woman calling or texting back and forth. Starting from back on the 27th of January.. The report I had only covered up till right before V-day sadly. Not to mention I counted at least 37 photos that were sent or received (I stopped counting after 37 and I didn't look to see if he sent any of them because I was shaking so bad seeing how much he had lied to me but I will check the papers today once he goes to work).
I asked him last night because he asked what was wrong because I seemed down. Of course I am I am still very hurt that he flirted with another woman. Even if he tries to excuse it with it being during the few days he decided we weren't together... So I explained it just still was bothering me and I needed time. So I spoke up asking if the photo and stuff was a one time thing. He looked dead at me saying that there were no other photos I even questioned in texting, still got the answer of no. Then he seemed to nearly stumble or trip up when I asked how the co-worker was. I had to explain to him the one he spoke about having a relationship issue, the guy. He said oh he moved on, doing better.
It hurts because in my heart I want to keep him and hold onto the happiness we had. But I don't trust him, I'm not sure if I ever will again after all of this. Every time we talk about it he gets defensive if I mention her. Now that we are back to working on things he swears he stopped talking to her because it makes me upset. I want to trust him but I just can't bring myself to do so. He still texts on his phone every so often, not as much of course. Though he goes out of the house often enough to make me think its a excuse to get time away from me. Even with everything screaming at me that he more or less is or was having a online affair I still care and love him. Even though I am beyond miserable with my life as it is.
We'll soon have two kids, but he hardly fools with the one we have so two won't change anything for him other then not having to deal with me. every time we talk or I express my concerns he flips it around to it being my fault or I'm wrong. I do all the chores around the house (dishes, trash, clothes, taking care of the little one) and he says I do nothing... he says I sit on my ************ all day doing nothing and the baby only requires me to take care of her for four hours out of the day. According to him anyway. He says he works his ************ off for us. But given recent events I doubt that. I mean when I was in the room (he works from home on a phone help line for a company) he would be taking calls or be sitting there texting because it wasn't busy.
Even now that we are working on things... he hasn't changed. He's a bit nicer to me and that is a welcome change but he should have been nice to me all this time instead of snapping at me and treating me like he didn't want me around. He works normally from 5pm till 1am and sadly with the almost 2 year old I have to get sleep because I have to get up at 8am for her. But here I am almost 3 months from delivering the second baby and sleeping on the sofa. I don't mind sleeping there when he is working, I think i do snore. But when he gets off work he goes and gets on skype with lord knows who because he doesn't leave that logged in unless he's on the computer... and then he's playing games and talking on there till 5am in the morning when he finally comes to the living room and gets me that he's going to bed so I can as well.
I asked him a few nights ago if he had to be on skype because I was exhausted. His reply was asking if the sofa was that bad. I had to leave the room before my mouth said something I couldn't take back. Last night I brought up after I get back home from delivery I shouldn't be on the sofa. His reply to this was that I could buy a air mattress for the living room. I was in shock at this, instead of saying oh ok hun I'll try to go to bed earlier or at least not get on skype with the guys... No skype is more important to him then me is seems. I can sleep through him being on his computer in the bedroom, but I can't sadly sleep through talking or him being loud as he normally is when talking with people.
I even had to tell him or ask when was it going to be wife time. He had informed me last night he would be playing a game with a co-worker after he was off work. Thats fine I don't care I'm happy he has friends I really am. But this was the third night in a row that I was camping on the sofa waiting for him to go to bed so my sides and back would stop hurting from laying on the sofa. I shouldn't have to ask when wife time is, he should just think to ask at times. But his excuse is that I don't talk to him or try to start things. Well I am always informed of pre-made plans.. so when or how would I get the time?
I'm just so lost in thought on what to do. My head screams to give him the boot in June because we said we would see how things were turned out in June after the baby was born. But yet even with all of this and me knowing he has lied to me about more then a few things... I still want to try. I feel like a fool for wanting to try and I try to act like it doesn't all effect me when it very much is. Most I talk to say I deserve better and he should step up as a father and help but I know that won't happen. Others say that they are surprised I've taken how he treats me this long. But the saying love is blind may apply here, maybe I'm just blinding myself to the truth that is screaming in my face.
Are things over? Should they be over? We don't say I love you anymore, we hardly hug or kiss. I don't even want to think on sex because of how awkward I would feel. I just feel like I'm being used or saved as a fall back if that other woman doesn't work out. He swears he's not talking to her and that he wants to try but he's not proving it to me. I don't want all of his free time but he's hardly done anything with me, I play games too we could play games together for all I cared... just anything as my head screams I want the attention he had given this other woman.
So after a few days he decided that we shouldn't try, all we do is fight anymore and we've been together for 4-5 years and married for not even two yet. I accepted this and agreed we should remain friends and on good terms and come June after the baby was born he'd move out. Of course I bawled my eyes out trying to be strong and act like I could carry on with my life but I just couldn't. We are in the same house and I watched him carry out everyday life like nothing happened, like I was so easy to forget about or throw away. So I focused mainly on the little one we have and trying not to stress or strain myself where I am expecting. All the way till we had another talk and he changed his mind.
He decided we should try because when we were first together we had something. My friends personal thoughts are he is jealous of the baby and with having another he knows he won't get the attention he wants or use to have. He keeps blaming all of the issues on me in that I don't communicate enough with him, I admit I don't speak up as much as I should but I just stay so tired anymore I don't feel the energy to try to fight over my point of view on things. I want them to work so of course I jumped at the thought that we could keep talking and trying to work the marriage out. But he refused to stop speaking to the co worker of his saying they were just friends. To me that hit me as odd.. he was defensive of her and such.
All of my pent up hurt and anger came out one day as I confronted him on a video and a photo she had sent him in his emails. His excuse was it was during the period that we were split up. That it was that one time and he had told her not to do it again. The fact he didn't tell me right away in the first place hurt enough as he tried to say I would have blown up on him, no I would have been thankful. More so in fact that he was honest with me from the get go. This only got worse as I checked his emails once more as he left them open... there was a receipt where he sent this woman nearly 40$ in roses for V-day... I was crushed by that.
I eventually confronted him on this and he got ticked at me for going through his emails. Trying to avoid the real issue here as he tried to come up with a story. Saying hat the pre-paid card he was using would have been used on me instead but it was the day that I first confronted him about the photo and video... Though his computer history for looking at that flower shop in that state (not our state even) showed he was looking at doing this long before we had that first fight. I had questioned him if he had done anything for V-day for that woman but he said no, he actually told me when I asked about the flowers that he had forgotten.. Yes I am sure...
Recently I found he was lying to me more then I first thought. I had contacted the phone company we are with and asked for phone records for his cell phone. According to my husband he had been texting this woman very little and was also texting a male co worker who was having relationship issues, thus why he was glued to his phone. The paper work said otherwise. There was no other odd number on the paper work besides pages.. and I do mean pages of nothing but him and that woman calling or texting back and forth. Starting from back on the 27th of January.. The report I had only covered up till right before V-day sadly. Not to mention I counted at least 37 photos that were sent or received (I stopped counting after 37 and I didn't look to see if he sent any of them because I was shaking so bad seeing how much he had lied to me but I will check the papers today once he goes to work).
I asked him last night because he asked what was wrong because I seemed down. Of course I am I am still very hurt that he flirted with another woman. Even if he tries to excuse it with it being during the few days he decided we weren't together... So I explained it just still was bothering me and I needed time. So I spoke up asking if the photo and stuff was a one time thing. He looked dead at me saying that there were no other photos I even questioned in texting, still got the answer of no. Then he seemed to nearly stumble or trip up when I asked how the co-worker was. I had to explain to him the one he spoke about having a relationship issue, the guy. He said oh he moved on, doing better.
It hurts because in my heart I want to keep him and hold onto the happiness we had. But I don't trust him, I'm not sure if I ever will again after all of this. Every time we talk about it he gets defensive if I mention her. Now that we are back to working on things he swears he stopped talking to her because it makes me upset. I want to trust him but I just can't bring myself to do so. He still texts on his phone every so often, not as much of course. Though he goes out of the house often enough to make me think its a excuse to get time away from me. Even with everything screaming at me that he more or less is or was having a online affair I still care and love him. Even though I am beyond miserable with my life as it is.
We'll soon have two kids, but he hardly fools with the one we have so two won't change anything for him other then not having to deal with me. every time we talk or I express my concerns he flips it around to it being my fault or I'm wrong. I do all the chores around the house (dishes, trash, clothes, taking care of the little one) and he says I do nothing... he says I sit on my ************ all day doing nothing and the baby only requires me to take care of her for four hours out of the day. According to him anyway. He says he works his ************ off for us. But given recent events I doubt that. I mean when I was in the room (he works from home on a phone help line for a company) he would be taking calls or be sitting there texting because it wasn't busy.
Even now that we are working on things... he hasn't changed. He's a bit nicer to me and that is a welcome change but he should have been nice to me all this time instead of snapping at me and treating me like he didn't want me around. He works normally from 5pm till 1am and sadly with the almost 2 year old I have to get sleep because I have to get up at 8am for her. But here I am almost 3 months from delivering the second baby and sleeping on the sofa. I don't mind sleeping there when he is working, I think i do snore. But when he gets off work he goes and gets on skype with lord knows who because he doesn't leave that logged in unless he's on the computer... and then he's playing games and talking on there till 5am in the morning when he finally comes to the living room and gets me that he's going to bed so I can as well.
I asked him a few nights ago if he had to be on skype because I was exhausted. His reply was asking if the sofa was that bad. I had to leave the room before my mouth said something I couldn't take back. Last night I brought up after I get back home from delivery I shouldn't be on the sofa. His reply to this was that I could buy a air mattress for the living room. I was in shock at this, instead of saying oh ok hun I'll try to go to bed earlier or at least not get on skype with the guys... No skype is more important to him then me is seems. I can sleep through him being on his computer in the bedroom, but I can't sadly sleep through talking or him being loud as he normally is when talking with people.
I even had to tell him or ask when was it going to be wife time. He had informed me last night he would be playing a game with a co-worker after he was off work. Thats fine I don't care I'm happy he has friends I really am. But this was the third night in a row that I was camping on the sofa waiting for him to go to bed so my sides and back would stop hurting from laying on the sofa. I shouldn't have to ask when wife time is, he should just think to ask at times. But his excuse is that I don't talk to him or try to start things. Well I am always informed of pre-made plans.. so when or how would I get the time?
I'm just so lost in thought on what to do. My head screams to give him the boot in June because we said we would see how things were turned out in June after the baby was born. But yet even with all of this and me knowing he has lied to me about more then a few things... I still want to try. I feel like a fool for wanting to try and I try to act like it doesn't all effect me when it very much is. Most I talk to say I deserve better and he should step up as a father and help but I know that won't happen. Others say that they are surprised I've taken how he treats me this long. But the saying love is blind may apply here, maybe I'm just blinding myself to the truth that is screaming in my face.
Are things over? Should they be over? We don't say I love you anymore, we hardly hug or kiss. I don't even want to think on sex because of how awkward I would feel. I just feel like I'm being used or saved as a fall back if that other woman doesn't work out. He swears he's not talking to her and that he wants to try but he's not proving it to me. I don't want all of his free time but he's hardly done anything with me, I play games too we could play games together for all I cared... just anything as my head screams I want the attention he had given this other woman.
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