[Cottoncandy]

Hello, I do not want to get carried away with details but I am wondering if anyone else has experienced the same sort of thing.

My fiance and I were together 4 years and engaged for 3. He is in the army and I had moved location 3x and experienced 2x deployments with him. He just returned from his 2nd eployment and broke off engagement after only 3 weeks home.

There was a lot of stress during even those 3x weeks. This included him needing go into work, us pack our house, move from one end of the country to the other, unpack into our new home, have my in laws stay with us and dominate our arrival into the new town. We had no time to relax and have time alone in our new home. I felt we were strangers still.

I cant help but feel he wouldnt have broken us up if it wasnt for the high stress he had experienced whilst away and now he is back. However he insisted he was not happy in the last 12 months and said he didnt see a marriage or future with me. Unfortunately we did argue a lot due to his dominating family.

Im finding it hard to stay strong (as I am still in shock) and give him the space he obviously needs. I had to move away and I am staying with my parents untill I work out what to do. I cannot understand what is really going on or figure out how to resolve it from this distance.

[Claret]

Did they not give him decom (decompression leave) after his tour? Are they not assisting with the transition into a regular life? There are resources available for family counselling I'd urge you and him to use them it sounds as if you'll both need it.

[Cottoncandy]

The 1st week he was at work, the 2nd week we moved the house and now he is on a short decom leave at his new posting location. We didnt recieve assistance to transition into normal life because he didnt deploy from where we were posted. This was very difficult for me because I did not have good community support or know any other women going through the same thing as me while he was away. I am sure I did not feel as strong and independent from him as I should of been because of this. I agree and think family counseling would have been helpful if only he had let us have the chance.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Cotton,

Long distance is extremely hard especially someone in the Army. You really didn't have people to turn to over the course of time and he really didn't have you either over the period of time. If you count how many times you physically saw each other and spent time together over those 4 years I suspect it wasn't very often.

I felt we were strangers still.

And, this is what I mean. Throughout the time neither of you have been able to grow as "one".

I'd also say his family are "highly" important to him, after all he's had them in his life 19 - 25 years and you twice mention that they dominated over you and that you argued with him on this more than once.

I'm sorry that this hasn't worked out for you, stay strong. It just doesn't sound like you two really ever had that real chance and someone else who has more time for you, with you will make you a lot happier.

Learn to make friends, get out there and stay in one place so you can.. Things will get brighter, I promise.

CW