Hubby and I had been doing really well in the arguing department, and hadn't had one for a number of weeks. What made the difference: we didn't talk about anything of importance; it was pretty much the mundane, everyday stuff of how are you feeling, how was work, how was your meeting, etc.
Last night, we got into a discussion about evolution vs. creationism, and for some reason, things got heated. My argument: people are entitled to believe what they like without being criticized. His argument: that my opinion was wrong. However, upon further inspection (about 20 minutes in) was that he was ticked off that he's heard some creationists call themselves scientists. Now, how the heck am I supposed to know, from the get-go, what his opinion is, if he doesn't voice it at the start?! This started a whole round of stupidness, and we ended up arguing well into the later evening.
Stuff that came up: our communication, which sucks. We can't talk about anything of significance without arguing. He doesn't generally remember to do things (fill dog bowls; take them outside for piddles), and I've been told that I will need to remind him a few times. So, I have been reminding him when I'm not there to take care of them. Apparently, I was also supposed to know when to stop reminding him. He said last night that he didn't want to tell me that he's OK to remember certain things now, and that I don't need to keep reminding him. The reason he didn't tell me was because he felt that that would make me feel like I'm being treated like a child, so he let me keep treating him like a child because he thought I enjoyed treating him like that. My God.
He asked me what kind of relationship I wanted. We both took the "Love Languages" test a few weeks ago, and we have different languages. His is "words of affirmation", mine is "acts of service". So, instead of helping me out more, which would make me feel appreciated, he's been leaving notes around the house for me, which is sweet, but they don't mean much to me when I've cooked all Sunday afternoon for us for weekly dinners, and then have to also do the entire cleanup while he goes and does his own thing. So, I told him that it would mean the world to me if he would help out around the house without being asked to. I want the kind of relationship that's give and take, equal, I want a husband who can go off of anti-anxiety drugs and still be healthy, I want good communication instead of these, "well, I didn't say/mean that; you misunderstood" episodes.
So, I took the dogs for a walk last night at 9:30, came back at 10 to find him dusting. Then, he decided to move ALL the furniture upstairs so he could vacuum. Yeah, I want him to help, but it didn't have to be immediately, and especially not late at night on a weeknight when I have to be up at 6:30 the next morning. I meant just on a general basis. It was like the sex issue all over again: it gets brought up, we do it, then nothing for 2-3 weeks until I bring it up again.
In the end, really late at night last night, we agreed to still try. He's determined that things will get better; I'm hopeful. Really though, my heart is elsewhere. It's back with my single girls, and being able to live life without having to check in. It's back with the career change that was so close to happening for me before he proposed. I got married for very different reasons than he did. He did it for love; I did it to make life easier for us both, and look how well that's working out!
Last night, we got into a discussion about evolution vs. creationism, and for some reason, things got heated. My argument: people are entitled to believe what they like without being criticized. His argument: that my opinion was wrong. However, upon further inspection (about 20 minutes in) was that he was ticked off that he's heard some creationists call themselves scientists. Now, how the heck am I supposed to know, from the get-go, what his opinion is, if he doesn't voice it at the start?! This started a whole round of stupidness, and we ended up arguing well into the later evening.
Stuff that came up: our communication, which sucks. We can't talk about anything of significance without arguing. He doesn't generally remember to do things (fill dog bowls; take them outside for piddles), and I've been told that I will need to remind him a few times. So, I have been reminding him when I'm not there to take care of them. Apparently, I was also supposed to know when to stop reminding him. He said last night that he didn't want to tell me that he's OK to remember certain things now, and that I don't need to keep reminding him. The reason he didn't tell me was because he felt that that would make me feel like I'm being treated like a child, so he let me keep treating him like a child because he thought I enjoyed treating him like that. My God.
He asked me what kind of relationship I wanted. We both took the "Love Languages" test a few weeks ago, and we have different languages. His is "words of affirmation", mine is "acts of service". So, instead of helping me out more, which would make me feel appreciated, he's been leaving notes around the house for me, which is sweet, but they don't mean much to me when I've cooked all Sunday afternoon for us for weekly dinners, and then have to also do the entire cleanup while he goes and does his own thing. So, I told him that it would mean the world to me if he would help out around the house without being asked to. I want the kind of relationship that's give and take, equal, I want a husband who can go off of anti-anxiety drugs and still be healthy, I want good communication instead of these, "well, I didn't say/mean that; you misunderstood" episodes.
So, I took the dogs for a walk last night at 9:30, came back at 10 to find him dusting. Then, he decided to move ALL the furniture upstairs so he could vacuum. Yeah, I want him to help, but it didn't have to be immediately, and especially not late at night on a weeknight when I have to be up at 6:30 the next morning. I meant just on a general basis. It was like the sex issue all over again: it gets brought up, we do it, then nothing for 2-3 weeks until I bring it up again.
In the end, really late at night last night, we agreed to still try. He's determined that things will get better; I'm hopeful. Really though, my heart is elsewhere. It's back with my single girls, and being able to live life without having to check in. It's back with the career change that was so close to happening for me before he proposed. I got married for very different reasons than he did. He did it for love; I did it to make life easier for us both, and look how well that's working out!
Get The Newsletter
Comment