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Husband needs some advice

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  • Husband needs some advice

    Didn't know exactly where to post this so here goes. My wife and I have a great marriage, and throughout our marriage she has always said she didn't have a problem with porn and I never really thought about the effects it can have on a relationship. We'll after battling some ED issues I realized it was caused because of porn/excessive masturbation. I have totally sworn off porn, and have put alot of work improving our relationship and sex life. About 2 weeks ago I discovered she had been reading erotica. I totally understand everybody has needs and I'm not really upset that she reads erotica/masturbates. The problem I have is the subject of the story. It involved a woman cheating on her husband with a coworker it was also very graphic. I totally understand how some women can be made to feel insecure by porn, it took seeing in a different pair of shoes to realize it. Now my wife is a wonderful mother and I couldn't be happier with her. I can't help but feel insecure and weirded out by finding this out. She has never given me any reason to believe she would be unfaithful. So my question is should I be worried? I've learned a lot of new ways to sexually please her and I'm totally committed to improving our relationship, but I can't help but wonder if she may thinking about doing what she's reading.

  • For most people there is a clear line between fantasy and reality. I don't think the sort of erotica she enjoys says anything one way or the other about what she is or isn't doing in real life.

    OTOH, if she is willing talk about the sort of erotica and fantasies she enjoys, you both might be able to translate that into things to do in bed together.


    • This book may be about a coworker, the next one about the man down the street, and the following about the grocery bagger at a local store....are you finding all her storyline choices involve a coworker? Maybe then I would wonder if she had a coworker crush or something, but even then, it hardly means she has or ever will act on it.
      Talk to her about it, voice your concern and open up about it.


      • I think rcoreyus and kitty are right. Unfortunately, my gut is also telling me you might have a problem.
        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]


        • Take a look at your choice of porn. If your wife saw it, would she think you were considering an affair or bondage or fetish, etc. etc.

          As rcoreyus said, there is a big difference between fantasy and reality.

          Sometime it's just the emotional context that makes something exciting. A relationship you can't have, a relationship with power imbalances, a taboo relationship. That doesn't mean that someone would actually even consider ACTUALLY pursuing that kind of relationship, they just find the emotional situation exciting.

          Again, as rcoreyus said, you might be able to use her fantasies to your mutual advantage.



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