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Fiance likes teenagers...

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  • Fiance likes teenagers...

    Hello,
    **
    I am really upset and I am wondering if someone can please give me some honest advice.
    **
    When I started dating my fiance, I was still with my ex boyfriend. My fiance knew I had a boyfriend at the time because I was open about it. After about a month of seeing each other, I asked him if he was seeing other people and he said no. I found out soon after that he was seeing/having sex with someone else. I was mad because he lied about it, but I figured being mad also made me a hypocrite. He said it wasn't serious and that if I left my boyfriend and got with him, he'd never see her again. So, I did. I had been thinking of it anyway and by then, I was already in love with him.**
    **
    The girl he had been seeing was very upset about him "dumping" her and texted/called non stop. There was something immature about her behavior and way she wrote. I asked him how old she was. He said she was 22.
    **
    About 5 months later, when he was already living with me, I found out she was a 17 year old girl. He said when they met she told him she was 19 and that he didn't believe her but he didn't ask any more questions. I said so she could have been 14 and you didn't bother to find out? He said he could tell she was at least 15. This was a big deal to me because he was 33 and the girl was also in dire straits. I nearly dumped him. He swore to me that he didn't have a thing for teens girls and hadn't dated any other underage girls in the past. He said he was really attracted to her and wasn't thinking straight and that he deeply regretted it. I chose to stay with him. It has always freaked me out and I had a hard time getting over it. A few years later, we started seeing a couples therapist. When I brought this up, the therapist said I shouldn't worry about/focus on the girls age because she wasn't 13 or younger. The therapy helped. I let it go. We've been together 6 years.
    **
    So, he has always told me he doesn't like / watch porn and I figured that was a lie, but he's a prude about sex / talking about sex in general, so I wasn't sure and I didn't really care either way. The other day we were out of town at a hotel room and I went to use his ipad and teen porn popped up. He had selected the category. I confronted him and he admitted to watching teen porn and said it is because it is less "dirty" (meaning what sexual acts they do) and that they often show them in the position he likes most (woman on top, shot from behind). So, I went on the same site to see if there was any truth to this and as I suspected, there isn't. The videos I saw are not of really young looking girls (not made up to look like kids). We don't have any kids and we do not plan to. Still he's 39 now, and especially because of his past, I am disgusted by this.
    **
    **I don't know what to think of all of this. I'm going to be 30 in two weeks. I don't look like a teenager. He has always liked me to pretend to refuse him before sex, not rape role play, more just "talking me into it." He doesn't like any dirty talk or sex talk at all and is really turned off by it. I have always asked him why he chose to get with me if he likes the sweet/innocent type, because that's just not me in every way, not just sexually.
    **
    Anyway, I don't know what to do. We've been together 6 years and I love him very much, but I don't want to be 40 or 50 and left for a teenager.

  • Guys like all types of porn. Sometimes it's a teen fix, sometimes it's a milf fix. Sometimes it's a teen and milf at the same time fix. I think that being hounded for an explanation is going to produce all kinds of stupid excuses; it is what it is. As long as he is still getting down with you, I don't think you really have to worry about it. Yeah he was stupid about that girl's age, but unless you really think he may be a pedo, don't take the porn stuff too personally. If only my girlfriends knew HALF the ..I looked at hahah...
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 03-20-2014, 03:32 PM.

    Comment


    • RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. I would leave him.......seriously.

      Comment


      • I've come to see that when it comes to relationship advice people always already know what they REALLY want to do, they're just afraid to do it. So I'll tell you the same thing I tell my friends/family. No one is perfect, no matter who you're with there are going to be things you do not like, so sit down by yourself and think about those things, think about them lasting for 20 years or more and NEVER changing (because though change can happen it usually doesn't) and now imagine them escalating, because that is how things usually go. After spending time imagining yourself putting up with those things you don't like for 20 years and you think you can still be happy with yourself and the relationship, then push through whatever has come up at the moment, otherwise start planning your exit strategy. And for you the time for this is optimal, you're not yet married and you don't have children, so an exit strategy, if it comes to that, is much less complicated now than it will be later.

        BTW, I'd say the majority of men like looking at pretty girls/boys who are just blossoming into their sexual maturity, even if their actual real life preference is for a more mature partner, the reasons for this are many but none of them have to do with what they think of their real world partner. I think of porn as a form of art, your tastes in porn may have nothing to do with any part of the rest of your life, you just like looking at it because it stirs something in you.

        Comment


        • I have to agree with Millner .....moral judgments aside, his relationship with the 17 year old was probably technically illegal. You don't need those kinds of headaches, and the constant wondering will do a number on your peace of mind in the long run.
          [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

          Comment


          • I don't think he can be trusted. He has shown a propensity to lie.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • I'm no psychologist but to my mind he's either hard-wired to be attracted to youger girls and that's something he can't change, or that he's sexually unconfident and by having you act young and 'nice' isn't going to threaten him sexually b/c you won't be demanding things of him that perhaps he thinks he can't provide. Either way, I don't see things changing much unless he's willing to have honest and open talk with you and admit there's an issue to address.

              Comment

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