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independent struggle!.!.

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  • independent struggle!.!.

    Does anyone else man or woman either married or living or been with the person for a while...

    Dobu fight over power struggle like the leader u know "the man wears the pants" I feel like me and my babies dad fight over this constantly

    I've always been independent and him also in a way... So we fight over power struggle bcuz he says I try to play the roll as the man..

    Like choosing were to eat or our day but when I ask him its always i don't know..


    N e other couple go through this? How long have u been together? N how do u deal with it????
    Last edited by sweet_peaa; 03-29-2014, 08:10 PM. Reason: spelled wrong

  • Sorry, when you say "N", do you mean, "and"? And, "N e" means "Any"? You're asking if anyone here fights over stereotypical gender roles? My hubs and I don't do this, no. I think that at different times, and in different situations, we will exchange off "wearing the pants". Depending on who is more experienced in a given situation.

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    • Originally posted by sweet_peaa View Post
      Does anyone else man or woman either married or living or been with the person for a while...

      Dobu fight over power struggle like the leader u know "the man wears the pants" I feel like me and my babies dad fight over this constantly

      I've always been independent and him also in a way... So we fight over power struggle bcuz he says I try to play the roll as the man..

      Like choosing were to eat or our day but when I ask him its always i don't know..


      N e other couple go through this? How long have u been together? N how do u deal with it????
      Sweet_peaa, it makes it so much easier for everybody to read when you spell things out in full and don't use the shortcuts. We are from all over the world on this board and many of the short-cuts that one may use in one part of the world, don't make any sense to others in another part of the world. Having said that. . .

      I've been married a long time, 30+ years, and sometimes there still is the "power struggle". The real trick is knowing when the issue is really a power struggle versus a simple difference of opinion. If it's a difference of opinion, and in the end really doesn't make a difference, then just let it go. Both my husband and I do this regularly.

      One way you can get around this would be to provide your husband with options that you have pre-selected. If you are going out to dinner you could say which restaurant would you prefer? Restaurant A has XXX food and Restaurant B has XXX food, A is more expensive, B has more ambience. This way, you allow him input into your decision making.

      Save your energy in arguing for the things that may really matter. You can be assertive without being pushy. You can be determined without being a brick wall.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

      Comment


      • My SO had the opposite issue with her ex -- she felt like she was forced to make all of the decisions and she hated that he wouldn't act like a man.

        Claret is spot on. Argue about the substance that really matters (the actual decision) and not who makes the decision. For the things that do not really matter, you can't let it bother you.

        Based on what you wrote ("Like choosing were to eat or our day but when I ask him its always i don't know.."), your gripe may be that he does not make any decisions. Set the boundary. If he can't make the decision, then you tell him that you will. A man should lead by making the decision that his wife would have wanted anyway ......
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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