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When to know its over ? To end your marriage

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  • When to know its over ? To end your marriage

    I've been with him for 26years married for almost 16....the pass two years have been horrible and it seems like it's not getting any better....it started way back two years ago when he brought up our marriage is done and wanted to end it...I was a basket case but over the years I've come to realize how he feels.....our relationship isn't the same...I feel I always need to make sure what I say or do is right. I can go on and on but it's a lot....just now I feel lost I don't feel like we have it anymore he pushed my buttons so much that now I feel the way he does but when I agree about ending it he changes his mind and says we can work it out....I'm now at the point where I at times I don't want to be with him...I don't feel like I want to be with him....i say it a lot....that I ate him.....when we argue I look at him like he's this ugly person....I need help and don't know what to do or where to begin........I opened up to a friend thinking I can get some advice and it happens she's going through the same stuff....please someone tell me what I should do to move on....how do you end it and on good terms ? I don't want to be bad.....like I'm a stay at home mom trying to build the business he decided to open 8 years ago so I back then quit my job to do this but now I feel like what do I do...please advice would greatly be appreciated.....??? I don't feel love by the men at all......He's made me feel like this...I never wanted it to be over until he would repeatedly say it.....he's brought about 9-10different reasons on why we shouldn't be together on different arguments it's always something else on why we should end it....then by the end of the argument he says let's try again. now I'm fed up.....omg how do you know when it's really over??? And how do you start? Like who moves and what? Please help

  • When is the last time you were happy when you were with him, or he was happy when he was with you?

    Have you tried counseling? Are you able to talk to him about the problems?

    Do you have children at home? Can you support yourself if you are on your own?


    I know this is a traumatic situation and really awful. My advice would be first to try to think calmly about what is going on, try to decide what is best for you.

    Comment


    • Hey gold, I'd say you've been pondering this for a long time, just kept going back. 5 years since you joined, more than likely finding ways to make things better. Welcome to your first post.

      26 years is a long time, I'd say at early 40's? You still have everything going for you, what is hard is that you have lived one life, just one, that's not easy to all of a sudden to change directions. But, you can.. I was 44 when I left, and I'm 50 and engaged to a wonderful person and doing what I was doing when I left that I was told I would never be good at, so well, that it won't take much longer and I'll truly be off and running . It sounds as if you did what "he" wanted you to do, you were happy working and earning a living instead of trying to work from home, tend to family and start a business.

      He's ugly because you now resent him, no longer find anything remotely attractive about him.

      When you get to this stage it is over. You both have tried, more than likely it's just been a mundane event on both sides, trying and trying but relationships are about laughing and loving as well throughout. Maybe that stopped many, many years ago, the fact you were together for 10, it may have been all you both knew.

      It doesn't matter, life truly can be wonderful, it does go on, all the things you forgot in your life that is possible, all those goals and dreams, hobbies, friends? It's all out there for you.

      It's over when you say you hate him. He's ugly. It's over when he finds 10 reasons.

      Be best mates, you've been together a long time, try to be friends about it all and YOU start to go out with yours, find a new hobby start getting out into a world you have not really seen whilst going through this , as you need to find yourself agan.

      Then you think about who moves or what However, at that point , you get advice, first.
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Ending a marriage after 16 years, with children and being intertwined in business is no easy task. If CW is right, and you have been working on this for 5 years, it is probably over. However, if you have not tried marital therapy, I suggest that you both go. It can not only be used to save a marriage but also to help the two of you split up in the best amicable way possible.

        I agree with CW that it is hard to see how you save a marriage when you see him as an ugly person and don't want to be with him

        I would also advise you to consult a lawyer before you do anything. You will need income from the business he probably runs as well as child support. Planning is very important. I wish you and your child(ren) the best of luck.
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

        Comment


        • Originally posted by goldygurl View Post
          I've been with him for 26years married for almost 16....the pass two years have been horrible and it seems like it's not getting any better....it started way back two years ago when he brought up our marriage is done and wanted to end it...I was a basket case but over the years I've come to realize how he feels.....our relationship isn't the same...I feel I always need to make sure what I say or do is right. I can go on and on but it's a lot....just now I feel lost I don't feel like we have it anymore he pushed my buttons so much that now I feel the way he does but when I agree about ending it he changes his mind and says we can work it out....I'm now at the point where I at times I don't want to be with him...I don't feel like I want to be with him....i say it a lot....that I ate him.....when we argue I look at him like he's this ugly person....I need help and don't know what to do or where to begin........I opened up to a friend thinking I can get some advice and it happens she's going through the same stuff....please someone tell me what I should do to move on....how do you end it and on good terms ? I don't want to be bad.....like I'm a stay at home mom trying to build the business he decided to open 8 years ago so I back then quit my job to do this but now I feel like what do I do...please advice would greatly be appreciated.....??? I don't feel love by the men at all......He's made me feel like this...I never wanted it to be over until he would repeatedly say it.....he's brought about 9-10different reasons on why we shouldn't be together on different arguments it's always something else on why we should end it....then by the end of the argument he says let's try again. now I'm fed up.....omg how do you know when it's really over??? And how do you start? Like who moves and what? Please help
          Hello Goldgurl I am not expert on this by any means, I am a married male of 26 years my self almost 27 with 4 daughters 3 grown and two grand daughters. And I couldn't image going through a marriage like this at all period. But before you really throw in the towel go she the marriage therapist before you end 26 years that's a long time and if it doesn't work out and nothing change then you need to move on and be happy then. So deep down inside you did everything humanly possible to keep this marriage going for the kids and your self. So times people far out of love with each other it happens but you need to be happy and not having this weight on you any longer. IF husband doesn't want to see the therapist then you need to walk away he's then never going to change or do a legal split for a while to see if things change in your marriage sometimes it does. Well Goldgurl good luck and I sure hope it all works out for you and your marriage and the family.
          When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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